fandomhigh | Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

The classroom was set up as one large table with chairs all around them, a grid marked sheet of paper resting on top of the table. And, of course, a lot of dice. Because you gotta have dice for this.

"We're playing games today!" Magnus shouted, arms up in the air cheerfully. "Game. One game. One roleplaying game."

Cara was doing a very good job of hiding the fact she may have made a terrible mistake agreeing to this. "Because sometimes the best way to self-care is pretending to be someone else."

Guess who'd never played DnD before?

Well, technically both of them. Somehow.

"I picked an Elf fire wizard named Aubrey." Magnus, no. Not the cross-promotion!

"I'm a human warrior...named Cara." Cara, no.

Cara, yesssss.

"This is gonna be so much fun." But only if Griffin was around to DM it. Wait, he wasn't? Oh, this might end in tears then. "Everyone make a character and we're gonna go on an adventure!"

Or burn down the inn before they even get out of it. Even odds.

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Rolling for initiative for realsies!

Theron Shan, 16

Prince Sidon, 10

Uma, 14

You are an adventuring party who has met at a local tavern after a posting on Craig's List.

Introduce yourselves to each other!

Theron was creating his character entirely by rolling chance cubes.

"My name is... Krix...Drexel, and I'm a... Nautolan...Jedi."

The dice hated him.

"Big fan of the x's, huh?" Magnus, don't be rude. The name could be a fan from Twitter.

Krix Drexel was a perfectly normal name in Theron's neck of the woods.

"Something like that."

So was Jar-Jar Binks, so...

"I'm gonna assume Jedi is just the monk class, but in space too."

That actually fit surprisingly well. "With a lightsaber."

"...I need to see if they sell those at the Fantasy Costco."

You know, because the Flaming, Raging, Poisoning Sword of Doom wasn't enough.

Well, this seemed...interesting. Though he did wonder what the point of pretending to go on a quest when one could just walk outside and find oneself on a quest, Sidon supposed he could see the appeal of just a little fun. A lot less messy, after all, and a significantly lower chance of actually dying.

After a moment of consideration, he laughed when he thought up the perfect character for himself, pleased when the dice more or less confirmed it.

"I will be..." He stopped, cleared his throat, "I mean, I am a dwarf named Tinylad Smallshanks and I am...a bard!"

...The dice hated everyone.

"We've never had a bard before!" Magnus said cheerfully. "Outside of the live shows."

What?

"What?"

"What?" asked Sidon.

Not because he was curious or confused, it just felt like the thing to do.

"And that's excellent! I've never been one before! This should be great!"

Sidon would fit right in. But that made sense as they were all video game boys at heart.

"Just remember to spit mad rhymes and live up to the Lin-Manuel hype."

Edited 2018-08-16 15:03 (UTC)

This was so dumb.

"I'm...Dialtonau?...the...Aasimar?" Uma had no idea if she was pronouncing that right. Any of it. "I'm a...wizard? Okay."

Whatever dice.

"This is so dumb."

"Role-playing isn't dumb!" And Magnus was deeply hurt by her words. Deeply.

"I don't know what any of this means," Uma complained. "What's a cantrip and why do I care?"

"Oh! Oh! I know this one! It's a freebie spell."

It was precious how proud of himself he was.

"Wait, you gonna make me pay for other spells?" WHAT KIND OF SCAM WAS THIS, MAGNUS?!

"Well, I don't, but the magic does? I'm not really sure. I'll need to ask Taako 'bout it."

HE WAS A FIGHTY BOY, OKAY?

Uma crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not paying for some dumb magic spells that only exist on paper," she announced.

"Well then, you can sit it out and we can have all the fun," Magnus said, reaching to take her character sheet from her.

Uma shoved the paper at him. "Don't have any money anyway," she grumbled.

"It's going away," he said, totally committing to this bit. Because it had to be a bit.

"Okay," Uma said, because stubbornness was a character trait. She wasn't pouting over not getting to play this stupid game anyway, whatever. "Someone else can be Dial-Knob the Asinine."

"Going into the garbage," he said, very slowly dragging the paper over that way. Like, comicly slow.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Uma tried to snatch the paper back. "How much per spell?" she growled.

She hated this game and also you, Magnus.

"I dunno," he said, beaming happily that it worked. "It's all fake! Fake money! I mean, all money is fake. It's just stuff we assign value to."

...well, that was deep of him.

Uma just stared at him. "Fake money?!" she demanded. "Why didn't you say so? How much do I get?"

The important questions now.

"Three?" He was completely guessing. "Three. You get three."

Well, if he wasn't going to specify, Uma was going to write down three platinum pieces because that was the most expensive currency she could find.

Yeah, she was willing to look that up. Nothing else though.

"Well, now I wanna buy spells."

GP! It was always GP! Curse her rules lawyering at his vagueness.

"You get three. Like Charmed."

Not at all like Charmed.

Hey! How was sheeeee to know it was always GP, huh? Huh?

JUST WAIT TILL SHE FOUND THE EQUIPMENT TABLES, IT WAS ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

"I also get some free ones, the cantrip ones," Uma insisted. Smugly. "The book says so."

...Ish.

Don't make him min-max at her. He so would.

"Level one spells only," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Fucking munchkins. They were the worst.

"Fine," she said sweetly, and started putting level one spells into the cantrip slots. Because those were all level zeros and apparently she wasn't allowed them.

Who needed Light when you could cast Magic Missile at will?

Or, as Magnus keeps calling them, gerblins.

"They have an initiative of 1, so this isn't going to be that dangerous of a battle. I think?" Magnus said, squinting at the DM screen a little.

Who felt very meta about this for the strangest reasons.

It's me, Elaine. Your dungeon master, your best friend, your... tired, tired girl. I'm so tired, guys.

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Self-Care for Optimal Stabbing, Thursday

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Goblins Attack!

Talk to the Teachers

OOC