fandomhigh | The Island Hates You (Yes, You), Thursday Period 2

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the island hates you

The Island Hates You (Yes, You), Thursday Period 2

Magnus was basically bouncing about this class because he hadn't gotten to fight anything gelatinous since the very first adventure in the podcast. Oh, Jizz Cave, he sorta missed you.

"Hi and welcome back!"

Cara had questions about Magnus's narrative, questions she was pretty sure she didn't actually want answered. "It's not all robot bar fights in this place," she said. "Sometimes it's even stranger."

His canon also featured a talking elevator that wanted you to go into it's belly. So. Yeah. You made a good choice, Cara.

"Whaaaaaaaaaat?" Magnus said, putting his hands on his cheeks Kevin McCallister style. "Say it ain't so!"

"Hard to believe, I know," Cara said dryly. "Not just that, but there were times when students weren't trusted with anything more dangerous than safety scissors. At all." In case anyone felt being discreet about not keeping things in the weapons locker involved too much effort.

Magnus gave his ax a reassuring pat. And his lance. And his sword. Pats all around to let them know they were safe here. "Which sounds like a bad choice here, but I'm sure lessons were learned by all. Hence this class! Where we bribe the squirrels with alcohol to get all the good dirt on what happened in the past and then inflict it on you."

The brighter students could probably see the flaw in this plan, but Cara didn't care. With her own reassuring rest of a hand on one of her agiels, she continued "Today we bring you the true events of a harmless race interrupted by a truly dangerous foe." A wobbly, wobbly foe.

"I'd venture to say they're probably tasty foes too," Magnus said, tilting his head in deep thought. "Anyway, it's Jello Dragons. Which is pretty cool because the only dragons I've fought before now were in the live shows." He cleared his throat like that had never been said. "Let's kick their asses!"

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Roll initiative! Squishily!

Edited 2017-09-14 12:28 (UTC)

Ahsoka Tano, 12

Yang Xiao Long, 14

Khadgar, 11 ~~gasp, double digits!~~

Mara Jade, 9. Sigh.

Who should probably not be basing classes on what the squirrels tell them.

The Danger Shop resembled a bright sunny day in the park, scattered about the place were various brightly coloured rickshaws (the squirrels hadn't gotten specific on what kind of race it'd been), many of which looked to have been modded, including one that didn't have wheels anymore but was hovering in place.

There were also various brightly coloured Jello dragons, not so much scattered about the place as rampaging.

You can either improvise something from what you can find here or sprint up to the weapons locker to find a "real" weapon. Have fun, kids!

Ahsoka booked it for the weapons locker which luckily happened to have lightsabers in its simulated weapon collection.

Then, like her master before her on that long ago summer day, she discovered that lightsabers weren't really the greatest of weapons to use on Jello dragons.

"Stomp on them!" Magnus suggested. "Glowing swords so aren't the right jam here."

He said this, looking sadly at his Flaming, Raging, Poisoning Sword of Doom.

Wiping melted Jello dragon off a montral, Ahsoka extinguished her blade and tried stomping. "Jam is one word for it."

Kark, that was a disturbing texture.

"You're doing great," Magnus replied, giving her a sort of gooey thumbs up.

Would Yang prefer real weapons? Of course.

But she had Aura, and there was a rickshaw wheel on the ground, which she quickly snapped in half and grabbed by the hoop, spokes sticking out like a mutant brass-knuckles.

When she went to punch them... Yang couldn't pull her improvised wheels free, barely managing to let go and get out of the way before she got squished. "What ARE these things???"

"Made of dessert," Cara called out cheerfully.

Very helpful, Cara.

Yang gave her an incredulous Look. "You people eat sticky dragons that don't bleed?"

Earth was weird.

It was. Though not usually quite this weird and sure, Cara could clear up the issue, but...

"It's considered a noble feat to bring down a beast and provide for the town."

Cara, no.

Khadgar thought about using his magic, but that hadn't gotten such a good reaction in the beginning, so instead he found a good stick on the ground and began wielding it like a staff, swinging at the dragons.

Then, because he lacked self-preservation, he picked at some of the sticky stuff left on the stick and licked it. "These things taste like fruit."

"Fus-ro-dah one!" Magnus said. Because that made sense to him and because he wanted to see some wicked magic that didn't involve tentacles. Taako.

Unfortunately, that didn't make sense to Khadgar, but he was also nervous about asking for clarification, so he did the first thing that came to mind, and with a snap of magic, one of the dragons let out a terrified bleat as it turned into a sheep and crashed to the ground in a tumble of wool and hooves.

"...oh my god, he's adorable," he said in the soft, awed voice of animal lovers everywhere.

Now Magnus wanted to have a pet sheep. Look what you did, Khadgar!

Hey, sheep really were cute! Everyone should want one!

"It lasts for about a minute and then it'll pop back to being a sticky thing again," he said. "One of my few mostly harmless spells."

"Not as badass as that crown that makes people crazy, but super adorable," Magnus said. God help Khadgar if he learned D&D spells.

"I would really like to visit your world sometime to see how your magic works," Khadgar said, because again, fan of terrible ideas here. "It sounds like you have access to some interesting spells."

Turns out that hitting a Jello dragon with an energy weapon is also not a good idea.

"Eww," Mara said, now covered in blue goo.

Suddenly, the sun was blocked out by a shadow, and there came an almighty screech as an even more giant dragon, a behemoth studded with oversized jubes and sprinkles, its flanks covered with crumpled sheets of metal, landed in the burning, squishy, fruit-flavoured wreckage of the park. It bellowed at the students, one massive claw clutched around a figure that looked remarkably like a swooning, purple-Jello-covered Anakin Skywalker with epically terrible hair.

The squirrels may have embellished on actual events a little.

Or a lot.

Oh, well, time to fight a Mecha-Jello-Dragon. It's probably full of loot!

"..."

Ahsoka, who by this point was completely covered in sugary, fruity goo, was just going to take a moment to stare at this particular tableau.

"Is that the Ethics teacher?!"

"It certainly looks like him."

"...do we have to rescue him?" Mara wondered.

It was probably a complete coincidence that a large blob of Jello randomly flew towards Mara's head then.

"Yes."

Mara glared at the Jello.

"Fiiiiiiine."

"I knew you'd see it my way," AHsoka said, pleased and completely oblivious to terrible, awesome thing going on downthread.

There was an unholy light in Yang's eyes, as they flickered from purple to red to purple again, and tiny little flames started licking at the ends of her hair.

This was insane. They were sticky and it was in her cleavage and this skirt was ruined.

...and then some purple Jello dripping from the swooning dude landed in her hair.

Yang turned around with a reckless grin, eyes completely red. "SOMEONE HIT ME!"

Yang, no, this is a terrible idea.

Khadgar had never met a terrible idea he didn't like, but he still hesitated for a moment at the look on her face. "Are you sure?"

"Hard as you can with that stick," she said, with a manic glint in her eyes. "Or whatever concussive force you got. Trust me, you'll know when to stop."

The glowing was going to be a Really Good Hint.

There was a small part of Khadgar that balked at the idea of hitting a woman, even if she seemed to want it, so the first smack with the stick wasn't very hard. But when she didn't hit him back, he got more into it, and just hoped no one would think less of him.

Yang made a face at the first impact. "C'mon, my fourteen-year-old sister hits harder than that," she complained. "Hit like you want to put me through a wall."

Khadgar screwed his face up a little and tucked the stick against himself, hitting her with an arcane blast instead. It was how he put people through walls, after all.

Yang went skidding backwards, slamming through a rickshaw and into a tree before she hit the ground, hard.

She just got right back up again. "Oh yeah," she said cheerfully, cracking her neck and apparently none the worse for wear. "That's more like it."

Her hair was starting to shift and move on its own, like living light. "Again."

Okay, that was cool, and now Khadgar was curious about what else would happen as he blasted her again, and one more time for good measure. It was all for science, really!

When Yang rose up from the dust the final time, she more resembled a fire elemental than a human girl; her hair a swirling mass of light and her skin bleached of almost all color.

"That'll do just fine," she said, grin razer-sharp and, admittedly, slightly crazed. "Thanks."

This was a terrible plan and everyone was going to end up covered in goop, but dammit her hair was sticky and it was going to be epic.

"Oh, you are so welcome." Khadgar would just be over here, standing in awe, happy to have helped make this moment happen.

You know who thought that was awesome? This guy. This guy right here.

"HELL YEAH!"

Yang grinned at him wildly. "I need a lift and speed!" she yelled back, pointing at the dragon's head. "How good do you throw?"

Look, she'd seen his arms. Probably wasn't anything like the speed she'd get with her gauntlets on, but maybe she could take the head off on impact if he threw her hard enough.

It'd be the Fandom Fastball Special.

"Uh, yeah. I'm, like, a really strong guy. Let's do this." He was going to insist this taught teamwork, but it was all about how fucking awesome it'd look.

It was like a strength contest with gravity!

It was going to be totally fucking awesome.

Yang bounced on her toes, squinting as she did some mental math on the trajectory, trying to keep her energy up. "I run at you, and you boost?"

Ugh, she was bringing her weapons with her to this class forever, since they didn't seem to care.

Are they also covered in Jello by this point? Who knows?

On the plus side, they still looked badass. Which should just be a given, honestly.

Magnus mostly because he was standing next to Cara. But whatever.

!!!!

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The Island Hates You (Yes, You), Thursday Period 2

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Listen to Cara and Magnus! - TIHY [03]

Jello Dragons! - TIHY [03]

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Talk to Cara and/or Magnus! - TIHY [03]

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OOC! - TIHY [03]