fandomhigh | Sex Ed, Tuesday, 3rd Period

If Clint looked a little nervous standing in front of his class today, he didn't think anyone would blame him after how things had gone last week. "Hey guys. So, today we're going to talk more about one of the most important things you need to think about before having sex--namely, protection."

Oh, god help him.

"First, let's talk about what the ladies can do to stay safe," he said, because that seemed like a smart place to start. "Ladies, you have a lot of options for protection, and most of them involve not getting pregnant. There are a ton of medicines that will prevent you from getting pregnant, and most of them involve getting to skip your period too, which I can only assume is an awesome bonus." There were things he wasn't willing to study too closely, okay? "There are pills, rings, implants... uh, if you want more details on any of those, let me know and I'll... uh, find some. The big problems with these options are that you have to remember them all the time, and they don't protect against diseases, which we'll talk about another time."

"Unfortunately, science hasn't figured out something for guys to take that has a similar effect, so we're stuck with condoms," Clint said, laughing. "And that's where protection against diseases comes in as well. Condoms are some of the best protection you can have, but only when you use them the right way, and only when you use them all the time." He wasn't exactly worried about his students getting pregnant, but it would be just his luck that that sort of thing would happen during his semester at the helm of this class.

"Last week, Ada brought up a great lie that idiot guys say to ruin things for the rest of us, so I'm here to tell you, there's no man who's too big for one of these," Clint said, picking a condom out from a bowl on the table behind him. "If you're with a guy and he won't use a condom, call him names and leave because he doesn't deserve you, got it? Now, I think everyone should know how to put a condom on, even if you don't think at this point you may ever have sex, because you never know, and you're in this class for knowledge, right?"

If you were hoping that the box next to the bowl of condoms was filled with bananas or something, sorry folks. If the girls weren't going to have any shame, neither was Clint, and he opened the box to reveal a pile of silicone dildos in a variety of sizes, shapes, and colors. "I'd like for you to practice getting a condom on some of these, or at least watch while I and your classmates do it. After a while, you'll see how easy it is."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

At least she wasn't trying to blow it up like some kind of air bladder?

"One what?" There needed to be some kind of noun after that number.

Thorin sighed like the massive drama queen he was. "I have a cock," he muttered, deeply uncomfortable with using that word in public. Or at all.

"The vast majority of men also have one cock, sweet thing," Isabela said, gently for her. "At least if we're talking the kind attached to a person."

"And that is my experience with such matters," he replied stiffly. "I would not even consider wedding until I am at least ninety."

Seriously. This shit was hilarious.

"I can't say I disagree with that plan," said the seventeen year old widow. "But you don't need to get married to have some pleasant experiences."

"I believe the nature of my people to be different from your own. Dwarves love only once in their life. If at all."

Because that was a way to keep the population stable. Really. A+ job on world building.

And sometimes they fell in love with their crossbows.

"Who said anything about love?"

Well, was it a good crossbow?

Thorin gave her a look like a confused puppy. If said puppy had resting murder face.

Because Tolkien. If it was sex before marriage, it was tragic or kiiiiinda rapey.

True, Bianca was the kind of crossbow whose affections you'd fight for.

"Oh, sweet thing, you don't mean dwarves where you're from only have sex with one other person? Ever?"

How tragic.

"Should their beloved return their affection." Yep, it had a fifty-fifty chance of getting nothing. Their whole life

No wonder they were so surly.

"Oh, you poor things, do you at least have decent drink?"

Because no sex and no booze would be unthinkable.

"Yes, of course." And excuse you, he'd totally end up finding someone to love. In a hundred and seventy years. And then die tragically.

Get your shit together, Thorin.

Isabela started sorting through Clint's box of cocks again. "We need to find you something nice," she said.

It wasn't a person, so it didn't count, and he clearly needed one even more than she did.

"What."

Excuse you, he was the Dwarven equivalent to a pimply fourteen year old. Totally corrupting him here.

This was helping him. She was a helper.

"Look, if you can only sleep with one person, then you're not going to have a lot of opportunities o figure out what works, things like these will help with that."

Helping him by picking out a nice dildo? That was the opposite of helping!

"How would that help?" Thorin asked, trying to sound superior and only managing to sound panicked.

It was the best kind of helping!

"Well, if you fall in love with a man, you'll have learnt about some of the things that can be done with a cock and a bit of imagination, and if you fall for a woman, well, harnesses."

Thorin was just going to assume by 'man' she meant male dwarf, and 'woman' she meant female dwarf. God. Check your human-centric privilege.

And that was why Thorin wasn't allowed near Tumblr. That right there.

"...and that is enjoyable?" Tolkien shouldn't have set up a three to one male to female gender ratio for the Dwarves if he really didn't want future generations to make him roll in his grave with gay smut.

Really poor planning on his part. Maybe less focus on the elves would have fixed that.

Thorin didn't know he'd fall for a dwarf. In this example, gender differences were more important than racial ones.

"So I'm told." With great enthusiasm that time Zevran had asked.

Of course he'd fall for a dwarf. Clearly he'd never have sufficent enough contact with other races once he got home.

And never end up in the west. By halflings.

"I will take that into consideration," he replied solemnly.

Sex Ed, Tuesday, 3rd Period

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]

Re: Practice with condoms [09/15]