fandomhigh | How To Get By In A Hostile World, Wednesday

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hostile world

How To Get By In A Hostile World, Wednesday

"As some of you might have noticed last week," Atton said, "Fandom weird has a habit of following people around no matter where they are. My TA - also known as the guy with the dumb hair over there - thought maybe it was a good idea to spend some time strategizing how to deal with that. I mean, on a school trip, nobody's going to care because you won't see them again anyway, but if you're going to normal Earth college after this or whatever, it'll be a pain in the ass."

Coincidentally, he was teaching this in one of the normal classrooms this morning. Thinking ahead, and everything.

He walked up to the board and wrote down PROBLEM | SOLUTION.

"Sure, you could come up with stuff on the spot and handle it as it comes," he said, "But hey, sometimes it's easier if you plan these things out in advance. Take genderswap, for example."

He dutifully jotted down genderswap, then pulled a face. "...Okay, Sparks, you handle the writing from here on in." He tossed the marker in Sparkle's general direction. There. That was solved. "Genderswap," he repeated. "Also known as the process of the island turning you into another gender than the one you're accustomed to. Now, sure, you can lock yourself up in your room for the day, but that's a pain in the ass. There are, however, a couple of ways you can set things up so this is easier when the time comes."

"If you're going to college after this, it's probably the easiest," he added. "Just tell everyone you have a sibling people rarely see, if ever. Or a cousin, if you're worried your family is gonna show up and muddle things up. Another option, if you're comfortable with that, is just convincing everyone that every once in a while you like to mess with the way you present yourself. Or say you have a booty call. Or... well, the list goes on. Plant these seeds before the day comes, and you'll save yourself a whole lot of stupid on-the-spot lying you haven't actually had the time to think through."

He sat down. "Now, turning into a pony-- that one's a little harder. Might have to work to make sure that you know all the exits to wherever you wind up. Make sure there's a back door, if you're in a position where you can do that. Or do the thing you do with the genderswap thing and just say sometimes you like to play dress up. Sure, people'll think you're a little weird, but you can just cover it up later by saying there was a convention." Beat. "Or make sure you live alone, or room with people who do drugs regularly. Actually, that last one's probably the easiest on everyone."

Thanks, Atton. Sound life advice right there.

"Bringing this back to last weekend," he said, "the luggage-- that one's actually pretty easy. Take the day off. Make sure that whatever place you're in, it has enough room to house the luggage. Prep a story about getting a bunch of novelty bags by error - maybe push it off on those neighbors you don't like. Or make it an excuse to plan a vacation."

He shrugged. "Anyway, there's about a million of these things that can follow you around," he said, "I think it's time we put our heads together, put as much of them on the board as we can, and brainstorm up some solutions."

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"Maybe if you'd stop hitting me in the head, I'd have better reflexes," Sparkle countered.

... And then threw both of his markers back at Atton.

Atton caught both of them, because why have Jedi reflexes if you didn't use them on completely inane mock-fights? Right. No point. "Actually, I blame the hair spray," he said. "That's been seeping into your skull for how long?"

... yeah, class, you could leave. Clearly nothing productive would be done in these last couple of minutes.

"Only a few years," Sparkle shot back, waving a hand at his head. "It's clear I should be using a stronger gel now, though. It'll add better protection from incoming office supplies."

Speaking of, he was now reaching for one of the board erasers. Either to wing at Atton or to use as a shield to better ward off marker attacks. Somehow. Whichever he felt most like doing in a moment or two.

Atton picked up a red marker because it was there, honest, not because he was planning anything nefarious...

...okay he was pretty sure enough students had left, it was totally nefarious. And maybe if he'd been paying attention he'd have figured out this was the first time he'd done something deliberately stupid in months, but eh. Attention.

"You know you don't actually have enough hair to make for an effective shield, right?" said the war veteran, using his knowledge for very important reasons.

Edited 2014-10-15 20:57 (UTC)

"... Are you suggesting I should be growing it out? Because I can totally do hair that'll impede my egress through doors, if you really want?"

Look, if Atton wanted to be deliberately stupid right now, Sparkle was all for it. He missed Deliberately Stupid Atton. This was a good sign, wasn't it?

"Only if you do it in class," Atton said, "You're not getting out of marker duty just because your hair's too long."

He tossed the red marker at Sparkle to make his point.

Sparkle wasn't cackling like an idiot as he tried to catch the marker, what were you talking about?

... Okay. Maybe he was. A little. And he actually managed to catch the thing this time, since he knew that this was now the Airborne Office Supplies Happy Funtime Hour.

"I have way more creative ways of getting out of marker duty anyway," he replied. "I mean, like, most of them usually end in detentions, and you're probably less likely to get pissed off over me drawing dicks on the board, but it usually works out for me."

Now he was flinging that whiteboard eraser.

Those airborne office supplies needed their happy time, too, Sparkle. It was about time you became aware of it.

"I don't know," Atton said, catching the eraser and waiting just to make sure nobody was hanging around by the door or anything. "How realistic would these dicks be? Because I have a limit."

Bye, bye, eraser.

And now Sparkle was letting out a squawk as he dodged the eraser, because it was possible that he hadn't thought this plan through very well.

"Guess that depends. How much detail can I cram into one whiteboard drawing before you stop me?"

He could probably draw some pretty horrifying dicks, was the thing.

"Realistically, or when I give you a lead start?" Atton said, putting the original marker down in the place the original marker was supposed to be because that was a show of responsibility or something.

"... Yes?"

Sparkle did still have that red marker in hand.

Sparkle was so making a bid for the whiteboard, yanking the cap off as he went.

Atton gave him until a mental count of three.

That was fair, right?

Then he waved his hand and sent the marker flying.

Fair!

"... HEY."

This was not over yet! There were other markers, dammit! Multiple markers! And Sparkle was going to try for the breakaway, cackling as he took off across the room for the rest of the pack the markers had come from.

It involved an epic leap over a desk. Sparkle didn't half-ass anything where dicks were concerned, here.

"Seriously?!"

Oh, it was on.

Especially in the epic leap over the desk department. Atton had that one down a whole lot better than Sparks, thanks, and he was even being fair by not using Force Speed in his pursuit.

So, the hooting and the manic cackling, that was pretty much mandatory at this point, right? Because Sparkle had gotten as far as snatching the marker box up in one hand, and was now working on making a circuit around the room to finish his masterpiece.

He was doomed. He knew he was doomed. But dammit, he had to try.

He was pretty doomed, yep.

Unfortunately, so was Atton, because he'd figured tackling his TA might end in injury and the school being kind of upset with him, so whacking the marker box out of Sparks' hands with the Force was the best possible idea.

Which meant there were now markers going everywhere.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!"

And there was Sparkle, trying to catch at least a few of those markers, while simultaneously working on not tripping on any of the ones already on the floor.

It wasn't working out so well for him, here. One marker landed directly underfoot and rolled as his boot hit the floor, which meant that he was well on his way to the floor before long, too.

... But he wasn't going down without making a grab at the nearest free-standing object to him, first. Which meant that in a glorious demonstration of coordination and grace, Sparkle was now sitting flat on his ass on the floor, surrounded by markers, with a desk lamp in his lap. And laughing like a complete and utter loon.

"I think I win," Atton said. If that sounded rueful, well, he'd just won the opportunity to clean up a freaking classroom. Fantastic.

He plucked one marker out of Sparkle's hair. Just in case that one might give Sparkle some ideas.

"Maybe," Sparkle decided, grinning up at him. "But I'm keeping the lamp."

... He'd rescued it. That meant that he was obligated to give it a loving home or something.

"Pretty sure the school board would argue with you about that one," Atton said, rolling his eyes.

He leaned over and picked up a bunch of markers while he could. He still looked faintly amused, even if the point where he'd admit to it was probably over.

"Maybe," Sparkle allowed, plucking a few markers up off the floor, since he was already down there. "But they're not here to say anything about it, are they?"

"Yeah, but why go through that trouble?" Atton said, tossing the markers at the box. "I mean, don't you have exactly that same lamp in your dorm room? It's got that hint of terrible taste going for it."

"Why go through that much trouble? Because I can, man. Because I can."

The same reason he had a drawer in his dorm room with twenty-seven mismatched forks in it, for example.

Atton was just kinda gonna... reach out and grab that lamp. "I'm thinking you need better hobbies."

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How To Get By In A Hostile World, Wednesday

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