fandomhigh | Defying Expectations, Tuesday, Per 3

"Last week, we discussed how having a friend or two could keep you true to yourself. Finding a true friend may be harder than you think, especially once you've gone on to whatever destiny awaits. That's because the key element of that relationship is trust and being too trusting is dangerous. Trusting the wrong people can cost you a lot. For some people, it leads to their downfall. For others, it has led to their death."

No, Karla was not thinking of Ludmilla, the Queen she'd referenced in one of the hypothetical scenarios from the other week, you shut your face. "Even if you don't have a great destiny ahead of you, trusting the wrong people can go poorly for you. In the guise of offering you friendship and good advice, they can subvert you, make you take actions and risks you would not ordinarily have done, and lead you into situations where there are no good solutions. Believe me, you'll find your way into enough of those on your own, you don't need the help. The problem is, not every untrustworthy person out there is an enemy or someone who can easily be classified as 'evil.' For every wicked villain intent on destroying your life and leading you to despair, you're going to mean five or ten others who don't fit that description at all. As I've mentioned before, people are often short-sighted and selfish. They have a personal agenda that isn't necessarily bad, but it's certainly not in your best interest. They don't want to hurt you--some of them would even be appalled at the idea that you could get hurt. But intentions aren't worth a damn, and they're more interested in their own agendas or outcomes than in helping you stay true to yourself. That goes double when keeping you true to yourself means that you'll be opposed to whatever they have in mind."

Karla leaned against the desk, looking over her students thoughtfully. "The difficulty is learning who to trust and when, and, like so many other things in life, there isn't an easy answer I can give you, no hour-long lesson that will leave you perfectly equipped to deal with these kind of people. A lot of you have come into Fandom having learned this lesson too well already, and keep yourself from trusting anyone, believing that trust is for fools and children. I can tell you that I think you're wrong, but..." she spread her hands "...you wouldn't trust me even if I did. But trying to do everything yourself and trusting no one is a cold and lonely way to live. It's unsustainable for all but a very few, and being alone warps you, too. Living in your own, personal vacuum cuts you off from so much of life that it becomes hard to function as a person. Finding that balance between being too trusting and not trusting at all is something that requires time, patience, and pain."

Sorry, kids. But life was pain. And Karla wasn't going to sugarcoat it for you. She would have loved to, actually, but preparing students for the future meant honesty, even if it strayed over to the brutal edge sometimes. "The most effective way to find out if someone is trustworthy is through communication. How do they act towards you? The biggest test I've discovered for dealing with people is finding out when they tell me 'No.' You are not infallible, and anyone who treats you as if you are isn't trustworthy, even if they are friendly and kind. You need people who are willing to let you know when you're wrong, when you're being selfish and short-sighted, or who are willing to tell you that you're being irrational. Being surrounded by people who just blow smoke up your ass gets just makes you stupid. Also, pay attention when they tell you 'yes.' Do they only back you when you're doing something to further their agenda? Are they open about having an agenda? Are they trying to change you to fit some idealized version of you in their head, or do they deal with the you who exists in the here and now? Think about how you interact with people, both the people that you want to help succeed and the people you don't care much about. Which behaviors do you see reflected in the actions of the people around you? Which ones do you want to?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Anyone who did the homework over the last week can talk about it here. Anyone make new friends?

"I went on five dates at the bar in town," Mara said, frowning slightly, "and then heard on the radio this morning that one of the boys spent yesterday making out with someone else."

Mmm, trust issues.

"Why go on dates if you aren't really available?"

"There are many reasons he might have gone on dates," Karla said. "He might have just been looking for people to meet or flirt with. He might be unattached--spending a day making out with someone doesn't mean they're together and unavailable. They might have a non-exclusive relationship, or they might not be in a relationship at all." Karla shrugged. "Relationships differ from culture to culture. As a Queen, even though I have a Consort, I am allowed to take lovers as I please. That I don't it due entirely to the kind of relationship I have with my Consort, not the way society views our relationship."

In fact, many Glacian aristos would have preferred it if she did take lovers or got rid of Warren altogether. Boy, would she have a surprise for them, shortly.

"Other than a radio report of him making out, do you know for certain he is unavailable?"

"No," Mara said, frowning lightly. "I know of many politicians who work as you do, even if they aren't necessarily as culturally acceptable for them."

"One of the benefits of being part of a matriarchy," Karla said, smiling a bit. Look, Kaeleer ruled. It just did. "So, I take it from your question that you side more along the lines of monogamy and fidelity?"

Not that she cared. Or anything. Really. Had no reason to, honest!

"I don't really have a fully formed opinion," Mara said. "It's not like I expected to come out of the thing with a lifetime commitment based off of three minutes of conversation. And my roommate's Johnny Storm, so if I judged people based solely off of radio reports...I wouldn't have a true picture of things. I should ask him directly."

Because Mara was a pretty direct person.

"That's generally always the best way, especially considering the way the news reports around here work. I know there used to be radio broadcasters who would take the rum-sodden notes from the squirrels, decide they weren't exciting enough, and then make up facts right on the air."

How many people did Deadpool declare were sleeping together just because it was a slow news day?

"I did not do the homework assignment," Yeul said quietly. "I thought it was... best, that way."

"Better for you, or better for any potential friends you might make?" Karla asked.

She hesitated.

"For them, I suppose, more than myself."

"Because the sorrow of your passing will outweigh the joy you bring to them?" Karla asked. "I'm not sure the math works out."

"It is just that, to me, it seems cruel to get to know more people, when I know I am dying," Yeul said, glancing up at Karla. "I cannot see the benefit in getting to know them, just to leave soon."

"Because you don't cease to have value as a person just because you are dying," Karla said gently. "I could understand it from your point of view if you didn't wish to make more friends it would hurt you to lose. But your approaching death doesn't have to come at the expense of you choosing to live the rest of your life. If there was another student here who, say, had an incurable disease, would you think it best for her to keep to herself to limit the number of people who would miss her?"

She hesitated longer this time, before answering.

"I have no opinion to offer on what she would chose to do," Yeul said, lowering her eyes and knowing she was not answering Karla's question. "In a situation like that, she would have to make that decision and ultimately, other peoples' opinions on it do not matter."

She didn't fidget, but there was a certain stillness about her that suggested, perhaps, that she wanted to fidget and yet resisted doing so.

"As for the rest... my value is the same as it has always been. Though how that relates to friendship, I do not quite follow."

"You have just as much to offer now as you did when your death wasn't so imminent," Karla said. "You said that you can't see the benefit to getting to know people just to leave them. The benefit is that they still get to know you, even if it's for a shorter time than either of you may like. You don't suddenly stop being a worthwhile person to know, just because you're leaving."

Karla frowned a little, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I did that my senior year. I stopped trying to make friends with people, because I was leaving at the end of it. And I spent my senior year lonely and out of sorts. I'd hate for you to spend your last year here that way. Even if that is what you're used to, that doesn't mean it's the way it has to be."

"I forgot," Eleanor admitted. "I haven't -- I don't think I would be very good company at the moment, as it is."

"Do you not want company, or are you worried about inflicting yourself as you are on others?" Karla asked.

"It's more the former," she said. "It seems exhausting to sit and chatter idly with people. And I haven't been alone -- my friends keep stopping by. And I'm letting myself accept their help. I just haven't ... made new friends."

"If it's the former, I can't really take you to task for that," Karla said. "I'm proud that you're letting your friends in and talking to them. Letting them help you."

Again, she dragged a chair over so she could sit next to her. "The assignment was to trust a little more than you normally would, to lower some of your walls and let people in. For most people, that's most easily accomplished by talking to someone new. But for you...I'm guessing letting your friends in to talk to you, Hell's fire, just facing them after all that, that took even more trust and courage than bringing them to Rapture?"

Defying Expectations, Tuesday, Per 3

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