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fandomhigh2014-09-23 03:54 am
glacial_queen) wrote in fandomhigh2014-09-23 03:54 am
Entry tags:
Defying Expectations, Tuesday, Per 3
"Last week, we discussed how having a friend or two could keep you true to yourself. Finding a true friend may be harder than you think, especially once you've gone on to whatever destiny awaits. That's because the key element of that relationship is trust and being too trusting is dangerous. Trusting the wrong people can cost you a lot. For some people, it leads to their downfall. For others, it has led to their death."
No, Karla was not thinking of Ludmilla, the Queen she'd referenced in one of the hypothetical scenarios from the other week, you shut your face. "Even if you don't have a great destiny ahead of you, trusting the wrong people can go poorly for you. In the guise of offering you friendship and good advice, they can subvert you, make you take actions and risks you would not ordinarily have done, and lead you into situations where there are no good solutions. Believe me, you'll find your way into enough of those on your own, you don't need the help. The problem is, not every untrustworthy person out there is an enemy or someone who can easily be classified as 'evil.' For every wicked villain intent on destroying your life and leading you to despair, you're going to mean five or ten others who don't fit that description at all. As I've mentioned before, people are often short-sighted and selfish. They have a personal agenda that isn't necessarily bad, but it's certainly not in your best interest. They don't want to hurt you--some of them would even be appalled at the idea that you could get hurt. But intentions aren't worth a damn, and they're more interested in their own agendas or outcomes than in helping you stay true to yourself. That goes double when keeping you true to yourself means that you'll be opposed to whatever they have in mind."
Karla leaned against the desk, looking over her students thoughtfully. "The difficulty is learning who to trust and when, and, like so many other things in life, there isn't an easy answer I can give you, no hour-long lesson that will leave you perfectly equipped to deal with these kind of people. A lot of you have come into Fandom having learned this lesson too well already, and keep yourself from trusting anyone, believing that trust is for fools and children. I can tell you that I think you're wrong, but..." she spread her hands "...you wouldn't trust me even if I did. But trying to do everything yourself and trusting no one is a cold and lonely way to live. It's unsustainable for all but a very few, and being alone warps you, too. Living in your own, personal vacuum cuts you off from so much of life that it becomes hard to function as a person. Finding that balance between being too trusting and not trusting at all is something that requires time, patience, and pain."
Sorry, kids. But life was pain. And Karla wasn't going to sugarcoat it for you. She would have loved to, actually, but preparing students for the future meant honesty, even if it strayed over to the brutal edge sometimes. "The most effective way to find out if someone is trustworthy is through communication. How do they act towards you? The biggest test I've discovered for dealing with people is finding out when they tell me 'No.' You are not infallible, and anyone who treats you as if you are isn't trustworthy, even if they are friendly and kind. You need people who are willing to let you know when you're wrong, when you're being selfish and short-sighted, or who are willing to tell you that you're being irrational. Being surrounded by people who just blow smoke up your ass gets just makes you stupid. Also, pay attention when they tell you 'yes.' Do they only back you when you're doing something to further their agenda? Are they open about having an agenda? Are they trying to change you to fit some idealized version of you in their head, or do they deal with the you who exists in the here and now? Think about how you interact with people, both the people that you want to help succeed and the people you don't care much about. Which behaviors do you see reflected in the actions of the people around you? Which ones do you want to?"
No, Karla was not thinking of Ludmilla, the Queen she'd referenced in one of the hypothetical scenarios from the other week, you shut your face. "Even if you don't have a great destiny ahead of you, trusting the wrong people can go poorly for you. In the guise of offering you friendship and good advice, they can subvert you, make you take actions and risks you would not ordinarily have done, and lead you into situations where there are no good solutions. Believe me, you'll find your way into enough of those on your own, you don't need the help. The problem is, not every untrustworthy person out there is an enemy or someone who can easily be classified as 'evil.' For every wicked villain intent on destroying your life and leading you to despair, you're going to mean five or ten others who don't fit that description at all. As I've mentioned before, people are often short-sighted and selfish. They have a personal agenda that isn't necessarily bad, but it's certainly not in your best interest. They don't want to hurt you--some of them would even be appalled at the idea that you could get hurt. But intentions aren't worth a damn, and they're more interested in their own agendas or outcomes than in helping you stay true to yourself. That goes double when keeping you true to yourself means that you'll be opposed to whatever they have in mind."
Karla leaned against the desk, looking over her students thoughtfully. "The difficulty is learning who to trust and when, and, like so many other things in life, there isn't an easy answer I can give you, no hour-long lesson that will leave you perfectly equipped to deal with these kind of people. A lot of you have come into Fandom having learned this lesson too well already, and keep yourself from trusting anyone, believing that trust is for fools and children. I can tell you that I think you're wrong, but..." she spread her hands "...you wouldn't trust me even if I did. But trying to do everything yourself and trusting no one is a cold and lonely way to live. It's unsustainable for all but a very few, and being alone warps you, too. Living in your own, personal vacuum cuts you off from so much of life that it becomes hard to function as a person. Finding that balance between being too trusting and not trusting at all is something that requires time, patience, and pain."
Sorry, kids. But life was pain. And Karla wasn't going to sugarcoat it for you. She would have loved to, actually, but preparing students for the future meant honesty, even if it strayed over to the brutal edge sometimes. "The most effective way to find out if someone is trustworthy is through communication. How do they act towards you? The biggest test I've discovered for dealing with people is finding out when they tell me 'No.' You are not infallible, and anyone who treats you as if you are isn't trustworthy, even if they are friendly and kind. You need people who are willing to let you know when you're wrong, when you're being selfish and short-sighted, or who are willing to tell you that you're being irrational. Being surrounded by people who just blow smoke up your ass gets just makes you stupid. Also, pay attention when they tell you 'yes.' Do they only back you when you're doing something to further their agenda? Are they open about having an agenda? Are they trying to change you to fit some idealized version of you in their head, or do they deal with the you who exists in the here and now? Think about how you interact with people, both the people that you want to help succeed and the people you don't care much about. Which behaviors do you see reflected in the actions of the people around you? Which ones do you want to?"
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"So, what do you think? Do these articles have a point? Are they bullshit? Are they bullshit articles that still manage to have a valid point somewhere in there? How do you decide who is trustworthy?"
Talk to the TA
Talk to the Teacher
OOC
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Homework
Mmm, trust issues.
"Why go on dates if you aren't really available?"
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Homework
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: OOC
Re: Read and Discuss
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Talk to the TA
Re: Homework
In fact, many Glacian aristos would have preferred it if she did take lovers or got rid of Warren altogether. Boy, would she have a surprise for them, shortly.
"Other than a radio report of him making out, do you know for certain he is unavailable?"
Re: Homework
Re: OOC
Do not trust the fancy cannibal, people!
Re: Read and Discuss
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Not that she cared. Or anything. Really. Had no reason to, honest!
Re: Homework
Because Mara was a pretty direct person.
Re: Homework
"For them, I suppose, more than myself."
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How many people did Deadpool declare were sleeping together just because it was a slow news day?
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"I have no opinion to offer on what she would chose to do," Yeul said, lowering her eyes and knowing she was not answering Karla's question. "In a situation like that, she would have to make that decision and ultimately, other peoples' opinions on it do not matter."
She didn't fidget, but there was a certain stillness about her that suggested, perhaps, that she wanted to fidget and yet resisted doing so.
"As for the rest... my value is the same as it has always been. Though how that relates to friendship, I do not quite follow."
Re: OOC
Re: OOC
Re: Sign In (09/23)
Re: Homework
Re: Homework
Karla frowned a little, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I did that my senior year. I stopped trying to make friends with people, because I was leaving at the end of it. And I spent my senior year lonely and out of sorts. I'd hate for you to spend your last year here that way. Even if that is what you're used to, that doesn't mean it's the way it has to be."
Re: Homework
Re: Read and Discuss
Re: Homework
Re: Read and Discuss
Re: Homework
Again, she dragged a chair over so she could sit next to her. "The assignment was to trust a little more than you normally would, to lower some of your walls and let people in. For most people, that's most easily accomplished by talking to someone new. But for you...I'm guessing letting your friends in to talk to you, Hell's fire, just facing them after all that, that took even more trust and courage than bringing them to Rapture?"