Doctoring 101, Thursday, Period 01

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Please don't ask why Navaan had decided to teach a class this semester. It's entirely possible that she wouldn't even be able to answer; she made a lot of decisions while under the influence of, err, herbal medications. And if she did remember why she decided she should be in charge of molding young minds, the odds were incredibly high that the answer would be highly inappropriate.

The important thing was that, at some point, she did decide to do such a thing and for some even less sane reason, the school had decided to let her do this. Letters of complaint should be addressed to Principal Zoe Winchester, Dean Anakin Skywalker, or perhaps the U.S. Secretary of Education, whomever seemed most fitting for the level of egregiousness of the class in any given week.

Since this was the first week, Navaan was there, on time, and relatively sober! She was also dressed in her plague doctor finest, because no one had mentioned that the windows were treated to protect vampires from the sun. As students began filing in, they'd see her shutting all the blinds.

It wasn't until the last window was covered and the hateful sunlight contained that Navaan lifted up her mask and actually greeted the class. "There, nice and dark. 90% of monsters explode when you expose them to sunlight, kids. That's a fact. You should be writing it down." Aww yiss. She was a great teacher already. "I'm Navaan and I'm a doctor and this is Doctoring 101. Unless it isn't. Umm, it's Thursday, right? It's probably Thursday. Though I might have slept through Thursday, making this Friday. If it's Friday, then I don't know what class this is, but since I missed my Thursday class, I'm going to call this Doctoring 101 and if your other teacher doesn't like it, we can jelly-golem wrestle for it."

And if that didn't tell you all you needed to know about your teacher and the kind of class this would be, there was no hope for you anyway.

"So, yeah, I'm a doctor and I'm going to teach you all about doing doctor stuff. Yeah, I know, you look at me and think, 'How can I get to live such an awesome and glamorous life as a doctor?' and the answer is you probably can't. It takes hard work to become a doctor and you certainly won't be one after just this class. You'd need to take, like, another two classes to be a real doctor and then we'd probably become rivals and go after one another's patients, and maybe I'd have to burn out whatever hospital you joined and it would just get ugly. Nothing worse than an infestation of doctors you know. It gets dangerous." She gave the students a very bright, very fangy grin. "But for Doctoring 101, I'm just gonna show you the basics, so you can realize how much fun it is to be a doctor and then, I dunno. Maybe become a doctor somewhere else, off the island, where you can get your own juicebags. The nurses at the clinic are stingy and I don't like sharing."

Seriously, you were going to have six more weeks of this, maybe five with a week off for mortal peril. Good luck with this, kiddos.

"So, doctoring is a really important job and has lots of responsibilities. Doing doctor stuff is not of the faint of heart--you go on adventures, solve mysteries, get laid, maybe sometimes diagnose jerks with syphilis...it just goes on and on and on. So, today, I'm gonna introduce you to a doctor's most important possession. The doctor bag!" Navaan proudly hoisted hers in the air, a thick leather bag the bulged oddly and appeared to be moving in places. "You never know what to expect when you're doing your doctoring rounds, so you need to pack a little bit of everything."

She put her bag back down on her desk and began to unpack it. "Let's see, we've got here...jar full of leeches--seriously, most important tool right here, but that'll be our next class--some scissors, a couple of knives, a bottle of poison, another bottle of poison, an unmarked bottle...Huh. I wonder what this is." Unscrewing the cap, Navaan took a sip and began coughing. "Oh! Chloroform! So useful, I can't even tell you," she said between coughing fits. "Wow. This is pretty potent stuff. That's how I caught the Sl-uhh, the Slattern." Aww yeah, keeping it PG for the kids.

Navaan continued to unpack items, including several knives, some surgical tubing, a 'personal massager,' a grappling hook, nunchucks, a paddle, fishing hooks, a cardboard sword, rags, several small egg-looking objects that sparkled, rope, handcuffs (the fuzzy kind!), several acorns, and a bottle with the name 'Felicia' on it. "So, these are what I consider the bare essentials of doctoring," she said, beaming proudly at the classroom. "I usually have more, but it's your first day and I didn't want you to be overwhelmed. Since you're all learning to become doctors, today is your chance to think about what you want to put into your new doctor bags!" From behind the desk, she pulled out a cardboard box full of various kinds of moddable bags--large purses, backpacks, duffel bags, and even a gigantic fanny pack. Most of them were fairly beaten up because she'd scavenged them, but they were in decent enough condition. "For the rest of the class, make sure you have your doctor bags on you. I mean, you should probably carry them with you all the time because you never know when your doctoring skills may be needed, but whatever. I can't make you. Anyway, come up here and get your bags, kiddos! It's doctorin' time!"

Comments

Sign In (07/02)

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Like you've just realized what the heck you signed up for.

Re: Sign In (07/02)

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa of Arendelle

Re: Sign In (07/02)

[notacokeperson.livejournal.com]

Karina Lyle

Listen to the Lecture

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

...Or whatever you want to call it. Marvel at the contents of Navaan's bag! Aspire to be like her one day! Swoon! Fangirl! Chew leeches!

Basically, whatever.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

So... sitting in the dark and learning how to put random items in a bag, from a plague doctor who thought that doing doctor things involved adventures and mystery.

Probably for the best, really. Elsa wouldn't have been any good at mouth-to-mouth.

But how in the world did she keep ending up with the crazy ones?

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[notacokeperson.livejournal.com]

Karina gave up about ten seconds into the lecture and just buried her face in her hands.

Why? Why?

She managed to talk herself into looking up in time to see what was in the so-called doctor bag, though. Just in case the teacher was insane but competent.

Given the contents of the bag, Karina quietly despaired.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[pasunereveuse.livejournal.com]

'Take the doctor class, Celia! It'll be good to learn to give people other than yourself first aid, Celia!'

She was such an idiot.

Celia was stuck sitting and staring at the items that Navaan had produced from her bag, mostly in horror. Leeches were considered archaic in her time, for god's sake.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[not_every_mage]

This lecture rapidly veered between crazily inspiring and useful ... and just plain crazy. Anders screwed his face into a frown of concentration and resolved to take everything Navaan said with multiple fistfuls of salt.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[not-called-icky.livejournal.com]

The topic of this class has sounded promising. His class yesterday had been quite interesting. And then this. The professor was clearly insane, to put it mildly.

Ichabod stared blankly at Navaan during the so-called lecture.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[tigerundercover]

Raven was distracted by the fact that the teacher (was hot and) had stripes on her cheeks.

She'd get back around to realizing she was also completely insane in a minute or two. Give her time.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker had been banking on his gut feeling that "doctoring" was not a term that anyone used with any degree of seriousness. Worst-case scenario: an actual doctor with a poor sense of humor. Best case? Pam & Cheryl v2.0.

Jackpot!

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor was going to sit here and vibrate with nervous energy.

Doctoring? She hadn't signed up for a class with "doctor" in the title. Doctors were the freakish monsters who liked to make little girls into experiments.

She supposed this was Fandom having a sense of humor. Sun Tzu said one ought to know one's enemy. Perhaps this was her opportunity here.

Activity--Doctor Bag

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

Once everyone had their bags and were back in their seat, Navaan explained the day's activity.

"So, today, you need to figure out what would go into your bag. The kind of items that go in your bag determine the caliber of doctor you are. As you can see, mine puts me on the cutting edge of medical technology--" she showed them the acorns, "--as well as sticking to the tried and true methods." She hugged her jar of leeches again. "You can also see that I'm very patient-oriented and will rise to any challenge confronted with."

It was probably for the best that she didn't pick up anything in particular as examples of those sterling qualities.

"I got one more box of incredibly moddable, seriously, go nuts supplies here with me. Go through them and figure out which ones you'll need for your bag and what kind of doctor you want to be. If you need more stuff that's not here, I guess you can make a list or something. I'll come around and talk if you have any questions. Feel free to work with others if you want, but remember: there are no friends among doctors. Only rivals lying in wait."

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa took a purse, something that went... at least passingly well with her current dress, and then tentatively got to work going through the items in the box. For the type of doctor she wanted to be, mostly she would settle for 'a sane one,' and put in a handful of acorns (whatever those were for), just to be safe.

There was a single rollerskate. Elsa didn't even know what a rollerskate was, but there appeared to be one. Maybe that would go into the bag, too.

... Yes. Good.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[notacokeperson.livejournal.com]

Karina took a purse. It was not entirely hideous, which was the nicest thing she was going to say about it. And, okay, it was probably functional.

Feeling extremely dubious, but knowing the way the island tended to make a mockery of doubts about shit like this, Karina added acorns to her bag just in case they did, somehow, turn out to be important to the cutting edge of medical technology. (How?) Then she sorted through the supplies, looking for reasonable things. Scissors were okay, so she took a pair of those. Same with some rags, since she figured they could double as bandages (and would be replaced with real, proper bandages as soon as class was over, for sanitary reasons).

Then she just sort of... stopped. If anyone asked, she was debating between picking either the turkey baster (why?) or the 3-hole punch (again, why? what medical purpose could that serve?) and couldn't make up her mind.

But no, really, she'd just decided she was done with the game of 'put random shit in a bag'.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[pasunereveuse.livejournal.com]

Celia selected a duffel bag, frowning at its hideous orange-and-blue design for a moment before discreetly laying a hand on it and shifting all the color out of it, until it was a nice, normal gray duffel bag. Much better. If she was going to have to bring this to class, it really ought to at least somewhat match the vast majority of her clothes, shouldn't it? And Celia wasn't about to turn her dresses orange and blue for the occasion, thank you.

As far as the actual contents, Celia dutifully grabbed a handful of acorns, as everyone else seemed to be. If all else failed, she supposed she could entertain a dying patient by attracting squirrels for them to look at on their deathbed, or something. She poked through the other objects, trying not to look as dubious as she felt (and failing miserably.)

She eventually selected a slightly-corroded D battery, because she didn't know what it was but it looked like it might actually come in handy, somehow? And with the battery placed in her (gray, so gray) duffel bag, Celia was left perusing the objects once more, until she stumbled upon an ancient-looking (and fragrant) candle that apparently was meant to smell of something called roseberry.

Fine. Roseberry candle could go in her bag, though Celia fairly immediately regretted that. The smell would be with her for weeks.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[voiceoverdue]

There was a really lovely neon-flowered backpack that Cecil went with. It looked like it had plenty of room in it for stuff!

As to the stuff...Hm. Well, the acorns really could be useful, because if you needed to get someone help, you could bribe the squirrels. And then some sticks and rags for tourniquets, just in case you had to cut something off, and a knife for the cutting. An empty jar, in case you had to catch something before it ran (if it was too big for the jar, Cecil would leave the doctoring for someone else).

He wasn't really sure what the purple goo was or what it was for, but it was pretty, so he took it, too.

And the handcuffs. Not for medicine; he lived in hope.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[not_every_mage]

Anders took a leather napsack and did his best to pack it, though his main healing supply was spirit and that didn't fit in a bag.

Still. Sometimes a healer-mage needed more traditional assistance, and those things went in: A roll of clean muslin for bandages. A small bottle of alcohol -- to clean with, not to drink. He didn't like leeches at all, but he'd heard they had their uses, so he stuck in a jar of those. Acorns ... well, he supposed they were a food supply, and he didn't want to be the only one not to take any, so a handful of those went in too.

And then he rummaged through what was left, getting irritated at what he saw as unforgivable lapses.

"There's no elfroot in here at all," he complained, and held up a vial of small golden flowers. "And is this spindleweed? It smells spoiled."

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[not-called-icky.livejournal.com]

Without much enthusiasm, Ichabod chose a dark green backpack, which was as close to both practical and tasteful as he could find, and then began to look through the box. Making frowns at half of the things he found, either of disbelief that he found them there or because he didn't know what they were, he finally settled for a magnifying glass. And a small bottle with a red liquid in, which he had no idea was nail varnish. And a small item with buttons that made odd noises when turned on. That's a radio, Ichabod, you just have to find a channel.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[tigerundercover]

Raven ended up with a carpet bag -- a little old fashioned, but she figured in this class, she could do much, much worse. For supplies, she pulled out a couple unlabeled vials with droppers -- if nothing else, it got them out of the crazy teacher's hands -- and a faux-Oscar statuette that read "Best supporting misanthrope" on it.

She really just wasn't going to ask.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker found himself a small pink meta for Dora the Exporer backpack, complete with a stuffed head and arms hanging off of it. SO doctor-y.

As for the contents... well, there were the acorns, obviously. A knife, some tape, popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, glue, glitter... Those were just the basics. He found an old Walkman, which he could pretend was a stethoscope if he felt like vaguely trying to take the class seriously.

And finally, there was the pièce de résistance: A glass jar full of a disgusting, grayish, vaguely meat-like substance. Joker could have gotten his omnitool to translate the label -- which was written entirely in Russian -- but he chose not to. It was better to let the meat remain a mystery. And it wasn't stamped with an expiration date.

Re: Activity--Doctor Bag

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor grabbed the plainest black bag she could find, and then began slamming items in haphazardly. Shame there weren't any syringes of EVE here. She'd include the acorns, though she studied them first to see if they were acorns (they certainly appeared to be). She looked for anything with sharp edges that might serve as a weapon, both in order to reflect her opinion of doctors (butchers and psychopaths) and in case she might need a weapon on short notice.

Talk to Navaan

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

If you want to!

OOC

[doesdoctorstuff.livejournal.com]

God I love this girl.

Any questions you have can go here, if I didn't make something obvious/explain something well (and at 5:30 the day after Remicaid, it very well may not be, there's probably a reason she was so easy to write this morning).

Also, Navaan could use a TA or two, if anyone is interested!

Re: OOC

[not_every_mage]

Make Anders a TA and I'll ... reblog something pretty for you on Tumblr?

I'm a giver, what can I say.