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fandomhigh2014-01-10 10:22 am
notmysupervisor.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2014-01-10 10:22 am
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The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, period 1
When the class trickled in, they'd find Cheryl sitting on a desk with an ocelot seated on the floor to the right of her. She was daintily peeling off strips of bacon from a pack and dropping them onto the floor. "Is that okay for him to eat?" she wondered, looking at Pam. "I don't want to clean up barf later." Priorities, kids.
“How should I know?” Pam asked, hands on her hips. “You’re the one that bought yourself a dang ocelot. You can figure out what he’s gonna puke up and what he’s not.” Although really, Babou seemed to puke up everything, regardless. It was like he did it out of spite.
"You like, are a farm person!" Cheryl insisted. "Shouldn't you know more about animals?"
Maybe more about the bacon, honestly.
“We didn’t have ocelots on a dairy farm, shit-for-brains!” Pam replied, right before the facepalm. “Great, now I’m swearing in front of the kids. Didja have to bring him along, anyway?”
"He ate my bra last time I left him alone," Cheryl pointed out. "If he goes after yours he might end up choking. Do you want a dead ocelot on your conscience, Pam? Do you?"
Cheryl really didn't care all that much. But she didn't want to deal with cleaning it up, either.
“Yeah, and if he chews up a kid, we’ll get sued,” Pam sighed. “Okay, fine. Welcome, everyone, to The Modern Workplace & You: Preparing for the Future in Today's Corporate Environment. You’re here to learn about your corporate future in the workforce, and what I’m gonna need you to do is just ignore the fact that there’s an ocelot up here growling at you.”
Because that was totally not something that might get their attention, Pam.
“And you,” Pam added, pointing to someone in the first row. “Maybe move your desk back a little. Let’s not crowd him, all right?”
"He likes to play if you get close," Cheryl said with a grin and a raise of her brows. Which, you know, was always a really good indicator of a terrible idea, so take heed of Pam, kiddos. Cheryl paused, looking confused as she dropped more bacon on the floor. "Aren't we like, learning their names today or something? I remember it was boring, whatever you wrote on the syllabus for today."
“At least one of us wrote a syllabus,” Pam snapped. What? She was taking this seriously, like she did with all of the HR stuff that nobody paid attention to. Were peer reviews really that freaking hard to complete?! “Yeah, so today is about introducing yourself, and we’re gonna talk some about networking. The more people you know, the better opportunities you can get, so long as someone doesn’t get mauled by an ocelot.”
"Whatever, they won't. Um, so introductions, right." Cheryl straightened up a bit on the desk, waving with a piece of bacon. "I'm Cheryl. Or Ms. Tunt. Or...the Baroness von Something. Can I make them call me that? Anyway, I've been working in an office for like, a billion years and I can tell you so much about networking because you will not believe the sheer amount of people with medication they're willing to s -- "
“Thaaaaaaat’s enough out of you,” Pam interrupted. “I’m Pam Poovey, and no, she’s not the Baroness of anything. I’m the Human Resources representative at ISIS, so I work on resolving conflict and making sure we all get along together. So! Let’s all go around the room and introduce ourselves! Name, what kind of career you’re thinking about, and what skills you can bring to a workplace.”
"Any skills you can think of," Cheryl added helpfully. "Like, literally anything. You would not believe the idiots we work with."
Bet they would, Cheryl.
(OOC: This is not taking place in the Danger Shop. There is a live ocelot in class. Feel free to pet him, but any scratches you get are real and are your own problem to deal with. He won't attack without provocation, promise. Also, Cheryl and Pam [ESPECIALLY Cheryl] are kind of ableist assholes. I know we've said this to death but yadda yadda disclaimer disclaimer, I'm sorry for your kids.)
“How should I know?” Pam asked, hands on her hips. “You’re the one that bought yourself a dang ocelot. You can figure out what he’s gonna puke up and what he’s not.” Although really, Babou seemed to puke up everything, regardless. It was like he did it out of spite.
"You like, are a farm person!" Cheryl insisted. "Shouldn't you know more about animals?"
Maybe more about the bacon, honestly.
“We didn’t have ocelots on a dairy farm, shit-for-brains!” Pam replied, right before the facepalm. “Great, now I’m swearing in front of the kids. Didja have to bring him along, anyway?”
"He ate my bra last time I left him alone," Cheryl pointed out. "If he goes after yours he might end up choking. Do you want a dead ocelot on your conscience, Pam? Do you?"
Cheryl really didn't care all that much. But she didn't want to deal with cleaning it up, either.
“Yeah, and if he chews up a kid, we’ll get sued,” Pam sighed. “Okay, fine. Welcome, everyone, to The Modern Workplace & You: Preparing for the Future in Today's Corporate Environment. You’re here to learn about your corporate future in the workforce, and what I’m gonna need you to do is just ignore the fact that there’s an ocelot up here growling at you.”
Because that was totally not something that might get their attention, Pam.
“And you,” Pam added, pointing to someone in the first row. “Maybe move your desk back a little. Let’s not crowd him, all right?”
"He likes to play if you get close," Cheryl said with a grin and a raise of her brows. Which, you know, was always a really good indicator of a terrible idea, so take heed of Pam, kiddos. Cheryl paused, looking confused as she dropped more bacon on the floor. "Aren't we like, learning their names today or something? I remember it was boring, whatever you wrote on the syllabus for today."
“At least one of us wrote a syllabus,” Pam snapped. What? She was taking this seriously, like she did with all of the HR stuff that nobody paid attention to. Were peer reviews really that freaking hard to complete?! “Yeah, so today is about introducing yourself, and we’re gonna talk some about networking. The more people you know, the better opportunities you can get, so long as someone doesn’t get mauled by an ocelot.”
"Whatever, they won't. Um, so introductions, right." Cheryl straightened up a bit on the desk, waving with a piece of bacon. "I'm Cheryl. Or Ms. Tunt. Or...the Baroness von Something. Can I make them call me that? Anyway, I've been working in an office for like, a billion years and I can tell you so much about networking because you will not believe the sheer amount of people with medication they're willing to s -- "
“Thaaaaaaat’s enough out of you,” Pam interrupted. “I’m Pam Poovey, and no, she’s not the Baroness of anything. I’m the Human Resources representative at ISIS, so I work on resolving conflict and making sure we all get along together. So! Let’s all go around the room and introduce ourselves! Name, what kind of career you’re thinking about, and what skills you can bring to a workplace.”
"Any skills you can think of," Cheryl added helpfully. "Like, literally anything. You would not believe the idiots we work with."
Bet they would, Cheryl.
(OOC: This is not taking place in the Danger Shop. There is a live ocelot in class. Feel free to pet him, but any scratches you get are real and are your own problem to deal with. He won't attack without provocation, promise. Also, Cheryl and Pam [ESPECIALLY Cheryl] are kind of ableist assholes. I know we've said this to death but yadda yadda disclaimer disclaimer, I'm sorry for your kids.)
Re: Introductions [01/10]
Also, she couldn't stop staring at the ocelot.
Re: Introductions [01/10]
She didn't mean that kind of government job, Pam.
Re: Introductions [01/10]
It was sort of like a train wreck, and Elsa couldn't look away or resist asking.
Re: Introductions [01/10]
Very school-appropriate, Pam. Good job.
"Some of 'em even have pensions, instead of these crappy 401Ks that have like twelve bucks in 'em that Ms. Archer won't even match."
Re: Introductions [01/10]
...
"Oh! That sounds... great!"
Elsa was going to have to look up everything from 'knocked up' to 'pensions.'
Re: Introductions [01/10]
(... now would be a good time to state yet again that pam's opinions are not in the least mine)
Re: Introductions [01/10]
Since she was going to be Queen, and all.
Re: Introductions [01/10]
Re: Introductions [01/10]
"... I don't think so?" Elsa was going to blink, baffled, all the same. "I guess not? I just don't get out much."