The Modern Workplace and You: Friday, period 1

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

When the class trickled in, they'd find Cheryl sitting on a desk with an ocelot seated on the floor to the right of her. She was daintily peeling off strips of bacon from a pack and dropping them onto the floor. "Is that okay for him to eat?" she wondered, looking at Pam. "I don't want to clean up barf later." Priorities, kids.

“How should I know?” Pam asked, hands on her hips. “You’re the one that bought yourself a dang ocelot. You can figure out what he’s gonna puke up and what he’s not.” Although really, Babou seemed to puke up everything, regardless. It was like he did it out of spite.


"You like, are a farm person!" Cheryl insisted. "Shouldn't you know more about animals?"

Maybe more about the bacon, honestly.

“We didn’t have ocelots on a dairy farm, shit-for-brains!” Pam replied, right before the facepalm. “Great, now I’m swearing in front of the kids. Didja have to bring him along, anyway?”

"He ate my bra last time I left him alone," Cheryl pointed out. "If he goes after yours he might end up choking. Do you want a dead ocelot on your conscience, Pam? Do you?"

Cheryl really didn't care all that much. But she didn't want to deal with cleaning it up, either.

“Yeah, and if he chews up a kid, we’ll get sued,” Pam sighed. “Okay, fine. Welcome, everyone, to The Modern Workplace & You: Preparing for the Future in Today's Corporate Environment. You’re here to learn about your corporate future in the workforce, and what I’m gonna need you to do is just ignore the fact that there’s an ocelot up here growling at you.”

Because that was totally not something that might get their attention, Pam.

“And you,” Pam added, pointing to someone in the first row. “Maybe move your desk back a little. Let’s not crowd him, all right?”

"He likes to play if you get close," Cheryl said with a grin and a raise of her brows. Which, you know, was always a really good indicator of a terrible idea, so take heed of Pam, kiddos. Cheryl paused, looking confused as she dropped more bacon on the floor. "Aren't we like, learning their names today or something? I remember it was boring, whatever you wrote on the syllabus for today."

“At least one of us wrote a syllabus,” Pam snapped. What? She was taking this seriously, like she did with all of the HR stuff that nobody paid attention to. Were peer reviews really that freaking hard to complete?! “Yeah, so today is about introducing yourself, and we’re gonna talk some about networking. The more people you know, the better opportunities you can get, so long as someone doesn’t get mauled by an ocelot.”

"Whatever, they won't. Um, so introductions, right." Cheryl straightened up a bit on the desk, waving with a piece of bacon. "I'm Cheryl. Or Ms. Tunt. Or...the Baroness von Something. Can I make them call me that? Anyway, I've been working in an office for like, a billion years and I can tell you so much about networking because you will not believe the sheer amount of people with medication they're willing to s -- "

“Thaaaaaaat’s enough out of you,” Pam interrupted. “I’m Pam Poovey, and no, she’s not the Baroness of anything. I’m the Human Resources representative at ISIS, so I work on resolving conflict and making sure we all get along together. So! Let’s all go around the room and introduce ourselves! Name, what kind of career you’re thinking about, and what skills you can bring to a workplace.”

"Any skills you can think of," Cheryl added helpfully. "Like, literally anything. You would not believe the idiots we work with."

Bet they would, Cheryl.

(OOC: This is not taking place in the Danger Shop. There is a live ocelot in class. Feel free to pet him, but any scratches you get are real and are your own problem to deal with. He won't attack without provocation, promise. Also, Cheryl and Pam [ESPECIALLY Cheryl] are kind of ableist assholes. I know we've said this to death but yadda yadda disclaimer disclaimer, I'm sorry for your kids.)

Comments

Sign in [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Like there's a live ocelot in class.

Re: Sign in [01/10]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa of Arendelle

Re: Sign in [01/10]

[pulseof_life]

Paddra Nsu-Yeul

During the lecture [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Be honest: were you listening, or were you checking out the cranky ocelot?

Re: During the lecture [01/10]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

Elsa was going to look more than a little stunned as she sat through the lecture.

This was the sort of quality education she'd left Arendelle for?

Re: During the lecture [01/10]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Normally, Joker liked to sit in the front of classes. There was more room for his legs that way, and he liked to pay attention and take notes and that kind of lame crap.

Today? In this class? He was just going to be in the back row. Because ocelot. He'd checked, and "running away from angry wild animals" was not on his schedule for today. Or EVER.

Re: During the lecture [01/10]

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

::This is what happens when you don't pay attention when you're signing up for classes.:: Sholeh sounded stern, Zeela. Stern.

=Mother's tits, shut up.= Zee, on the other hand, was delighted. =This might be the best non-fighty class I ever signed up for. Do you think I can lure the ocelot into Sparkle's room?=

::Why would you even do that?!::

=Cause he still bitches about me being a badger!=

Re: During the lecture [01/10]

[pulseof_life]

It really said more about Yeul than about the teachers that neither the lecture nor the ocelot fazed her.

That being said, the ocelot had more of her attention because it was adorable.

Re: During the lecture [01/10]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

Rilla liked kittens, and she liked dogs, and she liked birds from a distance but this was not all right, which was why she was perched up on the chair of her desk, clutching her skirts and looking alarmed.

None of the lecture had even registered.

Introductions [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Name, career, skills, and thoughts on inappropriate pets in a classroom setting.

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[iceolatedqueen.livejournal.com]

"Hello," Elsa said primly, standing to introduce herself. "I'm Elsa of Arendelle, and I'm looking toward a career in... government." That was nice and vague, Elsa. Good show. "I'm a quick study in history and international relations, and I've been studying everything from foreign languages to world geography since I was little."

Also, she couldn't stop staring at the ocelot.

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

"Oh, government jobs are sweet," Pam said enthusiastically. "It's super-hard to get fired once you get one, and you get all the good benefits. Plus you get way more vacation time than Ms. Archer ever coughs up for us."

She didn't mean that kind of government job, Pam.

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

"Are you an albino?" Cheryl asked curiously. "You're just like, really pale."

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker kept craning his neck so he could check to make sure the ocelot wasn't coming anywhere near him.

"My name is Jeff Moreau, but I like to go by 'Joker'." He'd honestly thought about leaving off the nickname this time, because with two jokers up front who needed another one in the class? But then his classmates might get confused, and... yeah. Whatever. It was done, now.

"I'm going to be a pilot. As for skills in an office-type-thing... I work hard, I'm determined, I take good notes, I learn fast, I come up with good ideas, and I'm killer at answering phones with a smooth, sophisticated tone. Not so good at walking around."

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

"My name's Zee and I'm not really sure what I want to be when I graduate," she said with a shrug. "But I'm good with a knife. That's a way more useful skill than, like, filing or taking notes."

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[pulseof_life]

"I am Yeul," she said, once it was her turn. "Do I need to pick a career for this class? I had not really thought about it."

Did seeress count as a career? She'd never really picked it.

"I am a seeress," Yeul added. "And... I am skilled at listening, amongst other things."

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[voiceoverdue]

"Hi! I'm Cecil. I'm going to be a radio host - again - and...I guess I've got some office skills. I can read English and some runes and Modified Sumerian. I can make coffee. And I'm really good at hiding and running."

That was an important office skill in Night Vale.

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[rilla-myrilla.livejournal.com]

"I'm Rilla Blythe and I'm planning to get married," Rilla said, "but there's a war going on at home and I don't know how long it might be until he returns, so I thought it best to keep my options...open."

And the ocelot hadn't been on the syllabus.

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[tigerundercover]

"I'm Raven Darkholme," Raven said. "And, uh." She really hadn't thought about this much. When she was from, girls only had so many options. "I guess I want to be an activist. My family has some money, so it's okay that it doesn't pay a lot." Or at all.

She was rich and ambition-less. But not really crazy yet. Any advice for that, Cheryl?

Re: Introductions [01/10]

[sciencesalarian.livejournal.com]

"Greetings. Mordin Solus. Salarian visitor." Mordin inhaled deeply. "Hoping to become doctor. Or professor. Have not entirely decided. Focus on biology. Skills in labwork, though. Could be useful as researcher. Enthused about teamwork. Back-and-forth, vigorous intellectual debate. Thrilling."

Yikes, sorry on the late late post. RL shenanigans happened.

Pet the Ocelot! [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

C’mon, he looks so cute! Scars are fun.

Or, you know, have a lick of sense and avoid the ocelot. Your call!

Talk to Cheryl and Pam [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Especially if you want to be a TA. You want to be a TA, right?

Re: Talk to Cheryl and Pam [01/10]

[3girls-1core.livejournal.com]

"I wanna be a TA," Zee announced after class.

...Because this class was hilarious.

OOC [01/10]

[notmysupervisor.livejournal.com]

Wow, they weren’t actually that inappropriate this week.

Also if you interact with my boy Babou over there, pings will be delayed until eveningish EST because I was a moron and forgot to upload my ocelot icons. Derrrrrp.

Re: OOC [01/10]

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

I can upload a few and wing it, if you don't mind me modding your ocelot.

YOU FILTHY OCELOT-MODDER!