fandomhigh | Practical Philosophy, Monday

For once, Ender had sent out an invite to his students to show up to the Danger Shop, not the lawn. Entering through the doors would get them into what looked like a large airlock, with rounded walls in stark whites and greys. There was a bigger door up ahead; Ender was standing right in front of it.

"It's a little warm outside," he said, "And it's been a quiet week. So I thought I'd try something different."

He reached out and rapped his knuckles on one of the walls. "Different for you, but not different for me," he said. "My old school used this technique to prompt us to think out of the box. I'm going to give you some time to adjust before we talk this time. Call it a lesson in perspective."

Then he opened up the door and hurled himself into the room ahead, folding his legs under him. Zero gravity meant that his momentum carried him. He caught his movement on the opposing wall with extreme grace, bouncing off at a different angle, and then another one, and then another.

Eventually he hooked his feet under a set of handholds. The way he was standing, the opening from the door was right above him. He had to look up to look at his students.

"There are a lot of issues involved in what Fandom does to us," he said. "Issues of consent. Issues of privacy. Issues of bodily autonomy. It can be easy to disregard that sometimes it's useful to experience something from a different point of view - not that that makes any of those other issues irrelevant. Orient yourself. Then we can share some experiences."

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"Just the singing," Kathy said, latching onto one of the bars in the room. Floating was fun, but also a little disorienting to have to think. "But I get stuff from other people's point of view all the time. It's hard getting them to think of mine."

And then she realized that she was probably thinking too much about everything. "Never mind. That has nothing to do with island stuff anyway."

"It factors into it," Ender said, his mouth quirking briefly. "Sometimes it's easy to get drowned out in all the people who shout louder than you do. That makes something like this... almost just a worst version of business as usual."

"Then you have to shout to make yourself be heard, except when you do, everyone looks at you and demands to know why you're shouting, and why you have to be angry all the time." She looked away from Ender, over at her feet which were sidewise. "Or you stay quiet and hunched over and no one looks at you or thinks about you or remembers you exist. And then things just happen to you, like a rock thrown into a stream that gets pushed along anyway. And everyone knows what happens to rocks when they're constantly bombarded by water."

"Yes."

Moreso than anyone in this class - barring, to an extent, Cade - really knew.

"To endure or to be shunned," Ender said. "I could ask you which is preferable, but the truth is neither are, and that choice is often one between the certainty of survival and the possibility of one day grasping your own agency."

His expression had softened. A little.

"So, maybe I don't want something weird on the island making me think about someone else's perspective when I'm still trying to figure out what my own is," Kathy said, finally bringing the conversation back around to some kind of on-topic point. "Just sorting what I think compared to everything that's just been yelled at me for my whole life is complicated enough."

Did she like math and science because that was what society dictated? Because her father had decided early on that she was going to be a doctor? Or because she was smart and it was fun? Some combination of the three?

"It takes time and experience and reflection," Ender agreed. "And a quiet you might not find here too quickly. There's some value in finding out what you aren't I suppose - but I don't think that's the same thing."

"I already know a lot of who I'm not," Kathy said softly. "Finding who you are by seeing what's left of negative space is pretty depressing, too."

"Finding out who you are means tough choices and tougher mistakes," Ender said, his expression thoughtful. "But I agree it's better to define yourself by what you are than by the space you don't occupy. As human beings it's often hard for us, though, to come up with an identity that isn't so tightly bound to the people we're around and the position we have in our community."

Edited 2013-07-22 20:37 (UTC)

"Yeah," Kathy agreed with a snort. "I live in LA. I have a ton of experience being showed what I'm expected to be and what I can never be."

"What do you want to be?" Ender asked.

"I don't know," Kathy said. "Even when I try to figure it out, I work in negatives. More than I am, now, I guess."

"That's not as much of a negative," Ender said. "But still close."

Kathy shrugged. "It's stupid, isn't it? There's so much pressure on figuring out what you want to be and do and it's all dumped on you at the time most people are still figuring out who they are."

"Well, you're still in high school," Ender said, but his expression was wry. "The theory has it you still have until you start applying to colleges."

Words chosen consciously.

Kathy snorted. "Tell that to my dad. I'm going to UCLA to be a doctor."

It wasn't that her future wasn't planned, it's just that she had no idea whether or not she liked it. That was the hardest part. If she knew that the future wouldn't fit her, she could try to screw up the gumption to say so. This in-between feeling of uncertainty made rejecting the idea out of hand as unappealing as accepting it.

Practical Philosophy, Monday

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