fandomhigh | 'Driver's Ed', Wednesday

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madrox and murdock

'Driver's Ed', Wednesday

For once, the class hadn't been invited to some kind of bizarre Danger Shopped monstrosity.

They were out at the parking lot instead.

"Um," said Jeff. That was his greeting. "Um," he repeated, and waved his arm at the parking lot. "Um."

Jamie blinked at Jeff for a second in confusion. "Are we doing yoga today?" he asked mistaking Jeff's "um's" for a mantra. "Because I thought we we're doing the Driver Ed thing."

"I'm sorry!" Jeff said, at a volume much louder than necessary. "I'm under a lot of pressure today!"

Jamie sighed and then grinned at the students. "Today class we're going to be continuing-"

And this would be the point where Jamie was giving the class a very obvious wink.

"-Our driver's education studies. Yes. Where we make sure that we're always following traffic rules. And wearing seat belts. And watching movies of car crashes with disembowled people who didn't wear their seat belts. Just like we do every week."

"Yes," Jeff said. His voice had an audible squeak to it. "As we do every week!" He couldn't sound less convincing if he tried. "Oh god."

"Unfortunately due to a slight snafu in planning, we won't have cars for you to drive today," Jamie said only showing the slightest trace of hesitation in his voice. "So instead you'll be driven around today in limos. By a driver named Ed."

Jamie then let out a slight embarrassed cough. "Except for a few of you who have the lucky opportunity of being driven around in a clown car by a clown named Ed."

"Jamie," Jeff hissed. "We have to act normal!" He was sweating pearls just trying to do that, Jamie! You couldn't do that to him! He was flailing! ... Yes, actually flailing, limbs and all.

"It could have been worse," Jamie hissed back. "We almost got mimes."

"No mimes!" Jeff declared. "Look! We'll just... we'll look at cars!"

His voice broke like he was a fifteen-year-old.

"But we can't have Drivers Ed without driving," Jamie reasoned. "Otherwise the class would just be 'Looking at Cars with a guy named Ed getting paid to stand around'."

"Toy cars!" Jeff exclaimed, apropos of nothing.

"You mean like bumper cars?" Jamie asked. "I'm not sure some of the kids are tall enough to go on that ride."

Yes, Dave. Jamie was looking at you.

"No, no, no no no no no no. No." Beat. "I'm over-noing, aren't I?" Don't answer that, Jamie. Just don't.

Jeff shook his arms. Then shook them again. Then shook them a third time, when suddenly a bunch of tiny toy cars fell out onto the pavement. "You need to-- safe! Drive these around. Safely!" he exclaimed.

"...Very safely! Keep things safe, or you'll fail the class, and we can't... we can't... ohgodJamieIcan'tdothis!"

At which point Jeff started to shake. Which was as good a 'get started!' as they were ever going to get.

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Like you have no idea what's going on.

Really, someone should have just thrown a blanket over Jamie and Jeff and hidden them in a cupboard for the duration.

... if you can determine what it is.

There's big silent Ed the driver, who will happily drive you around the parking lot in his limo. Or his clown car. Depending on your preference.

Or there's the small toy cars on the ground that apparently need to be safely driven around the parking lot.

Or...

Well, you could just try to calm your hysterical teacher before he ruins this whole thing and brings the school board down on your heads.

Poor, poor things.

One of them might not so much be speaking in words as in vowels.

Yeah, good luck getting any sane word out of Jeff.

Jeff was not built for this BDE.

Dave Nelson

Raven

Stacey McGill

Stacey was having a very mild panic attack as she listened. Were they driving? She didn't know how to drive! She was a freshman! And this wasn't even one of those cases where simply being from New York gave her an edge where of course she'd been doing that forever because no one drove in New York.

Could she take the subway for her final?

Cara

Yeaaah, Cara was just going to ignore Jeff and Jamie while still willing her uniform to catch alight purely with the power of her mind.

Raven didn't know how to drive. She also as a rule didn't lie, so she was just going to remain quiet and hoped no one showed up to ask about how the driving class was.

Rilla Blythe

Rilla had never even seen a car until she'd come to Fandom, and no one had been crazy enough to let her try to drive one.

She looked more than a bit panicked as she figured out what the class was about today.

Rilla decided to get driven about by Ed. It seemed soothing, and as a bonus, got her away from the flailing of Mr. Murdock.

Mrs. White? Not looking very impressed. At all.

"Mister....Murdock?" Mrs. White asked, looking at her clipboard and staying a few feet away from the spastic gentleman. "Are you having a seizure? Shall I ring for an ambulance?"

"I-- No," said Jeff.

He sounded like he was trying to cry whilst having a heart attack.

"No you aren't Mr. Murdock or no you do not need medical attention," she attempted to clarify, tapping her pen impatiently. "They aren't difficult questions."

"No-- you're a woman," said Jeff, which was extremely helpful. "Oh god. Mother warned me this would happen."

"I rather thought that was obvious," she snapped. "Do you have a problem with women in authority, Mr. Murdock?"

Oh god, she even sounded like his mother!

"...N... N... no..."

"Then what is the problem?" Mrs. White asked impatiently. "This is just a friendly visit to make sure the students are learning properly."

It was entirely possible she did not find the toy cars an acceptable final.

"You are not friendly!" Jeff yelled. Then went right back to cowering.

His hands might have shot down to protect his crown jewels, too.

"You cannot be allowed near Thurston," Mrs. White decided. "You're a complete wreck of a human being. Of course I'm friendly, you idiot. I'm trying to keep your precious school from getting shut-down."

"Now stop groping yourself in public. It's disgusting."

Jeff's lower lip started to wibble dangerously. "YES, MOTHER," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and trembling even faster. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

He wasn't sure what he did, but he didn't mean to!

Mrs. White was utterly aghast. "I am not your mother!" she said, placing a hand against her heart. "You don't look a thing like any of my husbands!"

Jeff's only response was to leg it towards one of the cars. "Oh god, there's no way out!"

There were many. It was a parking lot.

Juliet Darling

The hysterics were a little unnerving, but being driven in a limo? Juliet was practically born in a limo. She hopped into the town car and took a nice ride.

"This is a parking lot!" she yelled back, clicking her pen and writing 'psychotic break during class' in big letters under his name. "For goodness' sake, man, just breathe!"

"I can't!" Jeff returned. "You!"

Oh, thank god. Stacey could ride in a limo! She was happy to ride in the limo! In fact, getting to ride around in a limo for a final was kind of cool and the class was maybe worth it now.

Maybe.

Omg Jeff. *is dying*

Anna Korlov

Anna was confused. Were they supposed to drive? Were they supposed to not drive? Because if they were supposed to drive...yeah no, she couldn't do that.

Anna let Ed drive her around in the limo. It was a pleasant enough way to spend a few minutes, and it got her away from the hysterics her teacher was having.

"There is one of me, Mr. Murdock," Mrs. White informed him crisply. "Unless you are trying to say that I can somehow stop you from leaving a large, flat, open area."

"I am hardly going to run you down with a car."

That left evidence, you know.

Hanna Marin

Hanna chose the limo option. Having someone drive her around was the easiest final ever. Why wouldn't she go with that one?

Dave was pretty sure the final was to not die in a fiery car wreck. Fortunately, he figured that shouldn't be too difficult.

Dave took the limo ride. He was less likely to be run over if he was in the limo, after all.

Billy definitely picked the limo ride. When was the next time he'd get to do something like this?

Hank Venture

Hank... had somehow managed to tape the little cars to the bottom of his shoes. It worked better than you'd imagine, actually. Then, before his impromptu roller skates could fall apart, he hurried over to the limo and hung onto its rear bumper, waiting for another student to ride in it.

Why pick one part of the final or the other, when you could do both at once? ...Except for that whole "safely" part, sure, but who cared about that?

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'Driver's Ed', Wednesday

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