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fandomhigh2012-01-18 09:29 am
scary-jeff.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2012-01-18 09:29 am
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Jeff and Jamie's Amazing Heterosexual Buddy Bonanza of Joy, Wednesday
"Hello everyone!" Jeff called. For reasons unknown, the classroom had been packed full of sofas. Big sofas, tiny sofas, sofa sofas... look, Jeff wasn't a sofa-expert, all right? "Today Jamie and I will be talking..." his voice dropped to a More Serious Note, "...about subtext."
"Which by the way has nothing to do with a sandwich or reading a book on a submarine," Jamie added oh-so-helpfully.
"My mother always taught me that Captain Subtext could see everything, 'cause he had the secret power of truth-detection," Jeff continued happily. (If sounding like his happiness was a little laced with fear.) "See, sometimes you say things, but you're actually thinking other things, and it appears in what you're saying through subtext!" Thank you, Jeff. "Captain Subtext can always tell if you're lying. There's a few ways how..."
"And believe it or not," Jamie said as he turned on the projector and displayed an image on the screen behind Jeff, "Most of them don't involve text at all."
"Prickles," Jeff continued doggedly, tagging that off on one finger, "Blurts. Headlaughs. If you notice any of these symptoms in succession in another human being, I can tell you, they're lying." He jabbed his finger up in the air to underscore his point. "But that one, you'll have to see in action! Today, we're bringing Captain Subtext's Helmet of Truth Detection right here in the classroom with you!"
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
"It's really very impressive," Jamie said with a nod of affirmation as he switched the image on the screen behind Jeff for another featuring everyone's favorite coupling from Wendy the Werewolf Hunter.
Meanwhile, a mechanical voice loudly proclaimed, "CAPTAIN SUBTEXT TRANSMITTING. TRUTH HELMET ACTIVATED. AUTO-TRANSLATE OPTION ENABLED."
The lights in the classroom suddenly flashed and became green.
"It is of the greatest importance known to man that you learn to understand the power of subtext," Jeff proclaimed, sounding Very Intense Indeed. "You will find someone and talk to them and the Helmet of Truth Detection will chime when it senses you are lying. It will translate your real thoughts and project them on the walls!"
The only message on the walls right now? JEFF HAS ISSUES WITH HIS MOTHER.
Words like 'Cleft' and 'Gusset' also began to flash briefly on the walls.
"Not that you have any embarassing thoughts we'd like to see," Jamie added as another message reading I WISH MY HAIR WAS PRETTY AS ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S. He also switched the image again to show some teammates from X-Factor back home.
"Which is why we'll be wearing these," Jeff finished, holding up two bizarre helmets with sunglasses attached. He handed one to Jamie. "Get to talking!"
"Which by the way has nothing to do with a sandwich or reading a book on a submarine," Jamie added oh-so-helpfully.
"My mother always taught me that Captain Subtext could see everything, 'cause he had the secret power of truth-detection," Jeff continued happily. (If sounding like his happiness was a little laced with fear.) "See, sometimes you say things, but you're actually thinking other things, and it appears in what you're saying through subtext!" Thank you, Jeff. "Captain Subtext can always tell if you're lying. There's a few ways how..."
"And believe it or not," Jamie said as he turned on the projector and displayed an image on the screen behind Jeff, "Most of them don't involve text at all."
"Prickles," Jeff continued doggedly, tagging that off on one finger, "Blurts. Headlaughs. If you notice any of these symptoms in succession in another human being, I can tell you, they're lying." He jabbed his finger up in the air to underscore his point. "But that one, you'll have to see in action! Today, we're bringing Captain Subtext's Helmet of Truth Detection right here in the classroom with you!"
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
"It's really very impressive," Jamie said with a nod of affirmation as he switched the image on the screen behind Jeff for another featuring everyone's favorite coupling from Wendy the Werewolf Hunter.
Meanwhile, a mechanical voice loudly proclaimed, "CAPTAIN SUBTEXT TRANSMITTING. TRUTH HELMET ACTIVATED. AUTO-TRANSLATE OPTION ENABLED."
The lights in the classroom suddenly flashed and became green.
"It is of the greatest importance known to man that you learn to understand the power of subtext," Jeff proclaimed, sounding Very Intense Indeed. "You will find someone and talk to them and the Helmet of Truth Detection will chime when it senses you are lying. It will translate your real thoughts and project them on the walls!"
The only message on the walls right now? JEFF HAS ISSUES WITH HIS MOTHER.
Words like 'Cleft' and 'Gusset' also began to flash briefly on the walls.
"Not that you have any embarassing thoughts we'd like to see," Jamie added as another message reading I WISH MY HAIR WAS PRETTY AS ANAKIN SKYWALKER'S. He also switched the image again to show some teammates from X-Factor back home.
"Which is why we'll be wearing these," Jeff finished, holding up two bizarre helmets with sunglasses attached. He handed one to Jamie. "Get to talking!"
Re: Partner up and... Talk!
Hank really should have been worried about, you know, being HURT... but they were in the Danger Shop, and there were two teachers in the room, and there was only one person who wanted to kill him. He'd been in WAY worse situations than this.
Re: Partner up and... Talk!
"It's really, really not."
IT'S MORE LIKE SHE THINKS RICHARD AND KAHLAN WILL BE UNHAPPY WITH HER IF SHE DOESN'T WARN YOU FIRST.
OH, WELL, AT LEAST I TRIED.
Re: Partner up and... Talk!
Richard and... Callahan? Those were guy's names, right?
"Oh! I'm sorry, baby, I didn't realize you were taken! I'm totally not like that, I swear."
Re: Partner up and... Talk!
Well, one of them was a guy's name.
"Well, I am."
Then Cara's wall shorted out. It seemed some subtext was too much for even the Helmet of Truth.
Re: Partner up and... Talk!
"Well, if your men ever aren't doing it for you, just call the Hankenator."
The static on the wall behind Hank looked vaguely like the Ratman logo.