fandomhigh | Shop Class: [1/18]

Don't forget: Title and name can count as part of the word count. :)

Charlie Kawalsky
The Tape That Holds the Multiverse Together

Duct tape keeps the multiverse together. It's the only substance known to man that can save the day in any situation. Duct tape can be used for the following things: sealing a containment suit, securing a prisoner, making a flexible and waterproof wallet, waxing, a heavy duty emergency band-aid and dental floss. Duct tape is stretchy, strong, waterproof, long lasting and sturdy. It is the material that can tape together the multiverse because it can be used in just about any situation, whether it's on Earth, on different planets or in different dimensions.

Sam Carter

Duct Tape–It’s Not Just for Plumbing Anymore

Among its multitudinous functions, duct tape can also be utilized in the personal realm. It can be used ~~although I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, ouch!~~ in place of a backless bra, halter bra, or strapless bra to give “lift” without ruining the lines of a formal gown. It can also be used for many first aid type activities–with a bandage in place of stitches, to form a splint, and over a minor wound in place of band-aids. As a last resort, it can also be used instead of hot wax (though it isn’t recommended in more...delicate areas).

[ooc: Now posted in the correct place.]

*never tried the in-place-of-hot-wax thing when he was on the swim team back home*

*EVER*

*denydenydeny*

Nadia's jaw dropped slightly. An essay? In shop? What was Mac thinking? And on tape?

This was ridiculous.

It didn't help that Nadia had, in fact, never used duct tape for anything. To help with the assignment, Nadia fetched a roll and started to examine it.

Five minutes later, she had the fingers of both of her hands taped together.

This might take awhile.

[TBC]

Using mostly her teeth, Nadia managed to remove all the tape--and a good deal of her own skin--from her fingers. She glared at the tape and picked up her pen:

Nadia Santos
An American Love Affair with Tape

Duct tape is a prime example of American overkill. One would think, with a name like "duct tape", duct tape would be used primarily on ducts. However, as an hour watching American television will show, duct tape is used for many purposes, few of them related to ducts. Yet it is not the perfect material some people think it is. It sticks to itself better than it sticks to anything else ~~except possibly human skin~~. It leaves goo all over whatever it is stuck to. ~~It tastes awful.~~ It would not surprise me to learn that duct tape was invented by a crazy Italian architect.

Nadia looked at what she'd written ~~and what she'd crossed out~~. She was two words short. Unknowing that what she was about to do was a cliche everywhere in the states, she thought for a moment, then wrote:

The end.

John Crichton
The Force That Binds All Life Together Is Gray and Sticky

Life would be a lot emptier and a lot looser without the magical thing called duct tape. Duct tape is used in all facets of life from shoe repair to car repair to shutting up your little sister. It’s a force that, if suddenly extinct, would leave us alone and flailing for that all purpose tool. Without duct tape, there would be no instant side rear view mirror repair or no ability to protect against an approaching hurricane. Duct tape is what’s for dinner. Duct tape rules.

Lilly sits down, and man, is she hungover.

Duct Tape: Good for Handymen, Ineffective when it comes to NO GOOD, BASTARD EX-BOYFRIENDS

There are some things you can always trust. Bob Barker and his lame ass will always tell you to neuter your cat at the end of the Price is Right. The bitch in front of you at the grocery store, in the ten items or less lane, will always have at least twenty-three items. And a body odor issue. And uhhh... Haley's Comet comes once every 76 years or something.

Duct tape is another thing you can rely on. It always does exactly what it says it is going to do, keep shit together, even in bad circumstances. UNLIKE BIG WHITE BALLS OF DOOM, that leave you after you give them some of the prime years of your ~~life~~ time in Fandom without even telling you they are leaving.

If I had known that I was going to be dumped, I would have taped his wiggly ass to a pole and left him there to be pecked at by buzzards. Because duct tape, unlike that jackass, is reliable.

And another thing...

There is some more writing at the bottom of the page, but it is impossible to make out, because Lilly falls asleep on her essay, and drools on it a little.

[OOC: Not even bothering to switch logins! *IZ DED*]

Mac pulls himself out of the console for a minute to notice that Lilly is asleep on her desk.

He walks over and gently nudges her shoulder.

"Uh... Lilly? You feeling okay?"

Lilly might be secreting tequila out of her pores.

"What, huh? Oh, god, sorry Professor Mac."

She wipes at her face and then tries to sit up straight, which obviously makes her a little dizzy.

"I'm good," she says as she burps a little in her mouth, like the classy broad she is.

Mac smiles a little. "It's just Mac. You sure? Do you need to go to the clinic or anything?"

"No, no, I'll ~~live~~ ~~survive~~ be fine, thank you," she shrugs her shoulders. "Rough night. I think I slept in a weird, kind of man-shaped crater."

Something twitched in the back of Xander's head. He worried about Zanagi-demon larvae for a second, but a quick smacking of each ear and the lack of anything falling out the other side reassured him that it had been purely metaphorical twitching. Oh yeah, he'd done this assignment before. Kinda.

Opening his thing that was totally not a Trapper Keeper because it was the kind that came with collegerule paper inside and didn't have pictures of Menudo on it, Xander dug through his old Journalism assignments for ~~half an hour looking for that post in Spider's memories wtfwtfwtf~~ a second, and dug out this.

Well... he really couldn't improve on the statement. But just so it was kind of a new essay, he changed one thing.
__

Everybody knows about the Handyman's Secret Weapon. What everybody doesn't know is what you can do with no duct tape. With a complete lack of duct tape-- which by the way you can get hold of really cheaply what with it costing nothing-- you can control Murphy's Law. Try it. Give away every roll you own, and watch items that have held together for decades collapse under the vacuum created by lack of duct tape. Need to chop up Grandma's old oak bureau for kindling but don't want to break a sweat? Just toss all the duct tape. Abra cadabra.

*DEATH turns in a bit of parchment, which he has lovingly written with an authentic quill pen. He is dressed in his beatnik poet outfit, still working on his creativity and the purple beret is at a jaunty angle.*

*DEATH snaps twice in what he considers a very bohemian manner when he lays the essay on the desk.*

[OOC: Reason # 4,982 why I'm glad DEATH is in my class]

Winnifred Burkle
Duct Tape On a Summer's Day

I like duct tape a whole lot. It is great when days are hot, to build a cup or build a bowl, duct tape can even fill a hole. Use it to catch water during the summer rain, use it filter water going down a drain. Duct tape is there anything this tape can't do? Most likely but I don't even want to think about it. When it comes time to make your choice, you'll find that silver duct tape is the way to go.

((OOC: its like 93 words but I couldn't think of anything else short of things illegal on the open public forum))

Mac chuckled. "Looks good, Fred."

[OOC: NP. BTW? Only one "n" in Winifred]

((OOC: *laughs* its been a LONG long day.))

Ivanova thinks long and hard about her essay before she begins.

Duct tape is highly useful for any number of tasks. Even, I have been informed, for repairing ducts. Duct tape can be used to mend or hem pants, skirts, shirts, and just about any other item of clothing – although I would recommend folding it over when patching the inner thigh. Duct tape can be used to make clothing, as well, although usually this function is limited to constructing wallets. Duct tape comes in variety of colours besides plain silver, including green, yellow, blue, hot pink, red, and camo. I’m especially fond of the latter, as it blends into any project.

Izzie ponders the assignment on the board for a few moments before picking up her pen. She writes...

Izzie Stevens
A Duct Tape Fairy Tale
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Ductaparella, a very poor, very sad girl. One night as her privileged stepsisters attended a prestigious costume ball, the duct tape styling and repair van paid Ductaparella a visit. Brandishing multi-colored rolls of tape, the DTS&R team went to work. After repairing her shoes with classic silver duct tape, creating a ball gown of bright yellow duct tape, and patching the tires on her old car with solid black duct tape the team sent her off to the ball. With her fabulous outfit she really stuck out.

"My Duct Tape, Your Duct Tape"
by Stark

Duct tape can replace any adhesive in the known multiverse. With duct tape there is no need for glue or tape of any other kind. It would probably have been very useful for all those times we had to stick bits of our ships back together after something blew up. I have also been told that it makes a very effective gag. At least, someone once threatened to tape my mouth shut with it if I didn’t stop talking right that microt. Luckily for me, he remembered that we did not have any on board.

Mac finishes up his maintenance work on the room and starts grading the essays.

...

*applauds Lilly's essay*

*seconds that emotion*

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