fandomhigh | The Library is Open (11/30/05)

[Ten finds he's lost his train of thought, so he says the only thing that comes to mind.] I love you.

[The uncalculated honesty of that breaks through Methos' detachment, and he collapses into the chair behind his desk as though his strings had been cut. He buries his head in his arms on the desk and just shakes.]

[Ten walks over behind the desk and crouches down, putting a hand on Methos' leg. He frowns, but it's only because he's trying not to cry himself, and says nothing. After a moment, he rests his head where his hand had been.]

[Methos puts his hand down to find some part of Ten to touch, some physical contact. He grabs a shoulder and holds on.] I can't... I can't forget what it felt like to see her last night. To think she had been raped. It's not true, and yet it... it's like a nightmare. You believe it when you're having it and even when you wake up it's so *real*. And I can't get out of that. It's like I'm locked in my head.

[Methos takes a deep breath that shudders.] CJ doesn't need to deal with me like this. That's why I left. That's why I'm hiding back here.

[Ten doesn't say anything for a while, but then he lets out a long shuddering sigh. He rubs his cheek against Methos' leg.] You're right. She doesn't need to deal with you like this. [a pause] But she needs you anyhow, and I think that outweighs it. She needs you to be there and needs you to be you.

I know. I do know. I'm trying to find... a place to stand. [His fingers brush Ten's hair.] I'm so grateful you're here.

This is where I need to be. [His hamstrings are threatening to give way, so he sits on the floor, then leans back against Methos.]

[It's not close enough. Methos manages to slide out of his chair and sit behind Ten without kicking him, and wraps his body around Ten's. The shaking is noticable less than before; Methos' touch is intended to both give and receive comfort. Methos takes a deep breath as he manages to fit himself around his lover, and the tension in his body relaxes.]

[Ten rests his head back on Methos' chest. This time his sigh is definitely ragged, and he bites his lip.] She won't tell me what did happen. Only...that it was 'a misunderstanding' and 'her fault', which I countered, of course.

And then that she wants to go back to therapy. Which is good, all things considered, I think she could use it, but damn it, I need to know. I believe her when she says she wasn't [swallows hard] raped. But there's more to it than just this.

So it is someone she wants to protect. I... tell me if I'm an idiot for asking this, but do we know where Jack was last night?

Therapy can only be good for her. She can tell an interested stranger things she can't tell you, or me, or any of her friends. But... yeah. I want to know what happened. When I know... I won't stop imagining all the things that it could be.

[He looks aghast...ill.] God, no, it wasn't Jack. Never, ever Jack. I may not trust him to not throw a keg party in the TARDIS, but he loves her to death, as a mother. And he'd never hurt anyone like that. If it had been, I doubt we'd be here having this conversation--we'd be sitting in the clinic because she'd have done something far, far worse than drink herself under the table. A betrayal of her trust to that level...
Those bruises--Jack's hands aren't that size, either.

[He sighs again and reaches out to touch Methos' cheek.] She has her darkness like we all do. Plenty of it. She needs this. And then maybe she'll speak about it. [It, of course, being more than just this...but he won't say more.]

((It's before.))

[Methos laughs, black humor.] I love the way your mind works. You give me gut-level reaction -- then logic to back it up. I must be insane, because it's incredibly comforting. It just makes me think -- she plays Wendy to so many lost boys. She'd blame herself if someone went wrong.

[Methos leans into Ten's touch.] Oh, yes. We all have our darkness. I can live with that. I just can't bear to see her look so... shattered.

I don't know why I'm so comforting...usually I scare people half to death. [His fingers move along Methos' jawline, and he tries not to think about that night a few months before, when he had pressed the issue too far. Something else is bothering him, at the back of his mind.

Lost boys.

And he freezes.] Oh no.

((Ten's lightbulb moment approved by CJ-mun.))

I told you. I'm sick. It must be love.

[When Ten freezes and says, "Oh no", Methos' tenses up.] What?

I think I understand...everything. I think I know who it is. [a long pause] Shit. [He turns and looks Methos in the eye, and this time he looks afraid.]

[Methos' jaw works.] Who?

[Ten's breathing is shallow, but he keeps looking him in the eye.] Swear to me that you're not going to do anything stupid. Because you may have a sword and you may know how to use it damn well, and you may not be able to die if you get shot, but trust me, it won't matter.

I just want to know if kicking his ass is going to make CJ feel any better.

[His laughter is slightly bitter.] No, it won't. And you wouldn't be able to, anyhow. They'd take you down. They'd take me down, they'd take the both of us AND Jack.

[Methos turns the thought over in his head.] Well... hells.

Hence 'don't do anything stupid'. Do you know who I'm talking about?

Not a clue.

It's one of the three brothers. Has to be.

The Library is Open (11/30/05)

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