fandomhigh | Philosophy classroom: Monday office hours, 10am-2pm

"Not good," Tara replies honestly. "I'm holding on by a very, very thin thread here."

"Yeah. Kinda me too," Beka said in a rare moment of total emotional honesty. "I'm sorry I just left last night."

Tara blinks. "Um, Beka? I... I think it's kind of good you did. I wasn't... um, I wasn't really sane. I don't know that you could have helped much."

"I know. And I'm glad Shane could come. I wasn't really all that sane either. Crowley messed with me the other night, and then with Bel, and... I should've stayed away but I couldn't."

"I know the feeling," Tara replies quietly. "Moth to a flame. You know it's going to hurt, but somehow... you just keep going back."

"He likes me. It was just...things were said. Things that maybe shouldn't ever have been said." There is a small quaver in her voice, but she continues. "I thought you were going to stay away?"

"I did," Tara replies. "I mean... No touching, right? But I went to talk to Mr. Phale, and he was sort of there. And I bump into him in the park sometimes. But no touching."

"So, last night? I know Bel was upset... I think he'd been to see Crowley, but what about you?" Her tone is gentle, but quite raw.

"That was Bel?" Tara drops her face to her hands. "Would you apologise to him, for me? I don't think he wants to see me right now."

"Tara?" Beka abandoned propriety and went to Tara. "Honey, what're you apologizing for?"

"I totally freaked out on him, Beka. I thought... I thought he was my father. I don't know why, I..." she sighs, casting a glance towards the closed door.

"I keep hearing him. Seeing him. I had to close the door because every person that walked by sounded like him. My phone rang this morning, and it was him on the other end. And whatever I said or did to him provoked him. I think. I don't know." She touches the purpled bruise on her neck.

"I knew it," Beka said. Angry tears filled her eyes. "I knew it. Crowley. He's doing this to you. And last night...he did something to Bel. I know he did. Bel wouldn't ever hurt me like he did last night - not for trying to help him. He might shove me out of the way or fight with me, but the things he said..."

She shook her head. "What he did to you? Bel was furious that Crowley hurt you. He wouldn't ever have..."

Beka looked Tara in the eye. "I don't know what's going on here, but it's going to stop. I'm going to tell someone who, maybe, I hope, can do something about it. And you and I should go and talk to Mr. Phale. I think Crowley is overstepping his bounds. This is more than tempting."

"Woah, Beka, woah," Tara says raising her hands in front of her. "How do you jump to Mr. Crowley? He wasn't even there the first time this happened to me. It could just be coincidence."

Okay, it's not. Shane's right. But... but how does Beka know that?

"Mr. Phale doesn't control Mr. Crowley. They've just gotten together, after six thousand years of wanting. I'm not walking in there and messing that up for them. I'm okay, Beka."

She doesn't look it.

"Really. I just... I just didn't sleep well. And I had a blowup with a student earlier, and that hasn't helped. But I'll be fine. Belthazor was angry, but no-one was hurt, not really. Do we... do we have to make a big deal out of this? Can't we just let it all go?"

"I'm not jumping to conclusions, Tara. You told me on Tuesday night, what he'd done. And on Friday..." Her tone was soft but firm.

Shit, she doesn't know. Carefully, don't hurt her worse.

"On Friday after Shane came to get you from me, I had a visit with Crowley myself." She waved a hand as if to dispel any fear Tara might have on the subject. "It was mostly pleasant, but I had to ask him why he was bothering you. He denied doing anything specific, and I believe him. And yet..."

She sighed.

"He did something to me. Nothing bad. But it involved Belthazor, and then suddenly Bel was there. They got into a bit of a fight. I'm pretty sure Bel continued that fight last night and that's why he was angry."

Patting Tara's hand awkwardly, she gave her a gentle smile. "I'm not here to press the issue. I was here to beg for Bel's sake."

"He tempts, Beka. That's what he does. And he's tempted me. I know what that feels like. This is different. This... Beka, it just isn't his style."

Her hand finds the cellphone in her pocket, gripping it for reassurance even though Shane is long gone from the other end.

"I would like to talk to Bel. Um, if he doesn't mind. If you could pass the message along? But as far as I'm concerned he's not in trouble, and I'll defend him to the Dean if anyone else makes an issue of it."

"What happened to me was temptation...he tempted me to tell the truth. What happened to Bel, if I'm right, was also temptation. An offer he couldn't resist to give in to his rage.

"But be easy, Tara. I'm not going to accuse him, or upset his angel. But Mr. Phale might be able to offer you some comfort? Maybe you should go see him." Her voice was as soft and as gentle as she knew how to make it.

"Don't worry about anything. No one's going to ask hard questions. [CJ may have a few if she comes after I do because I told her you knew about Crowley, but I didn't tell her anything about you.] I'm covering all the bases here. Bel will talk to you as soon as you're both recovered. I know he'll want to."

Tara nods. "Maybe. After class. I'm sure Mr. Phale could help, I just..." she sighs. "It's like everyone getting mad at Angelus, or Belthazor, just because they're... what they are. Not everything bad that happens is Mr. Crowley's fault. This is different, Beka."

Her eyes flash with panic and she looks towards the phone.

"I'm not answering that."

It's not ringing.

"Honey, I don't blame him. He's just doing his work. But he is dangerous. Temptation is a powerful thing."

Beka tracks Tara's gaze to the phone. It's definitely not ringing.

"Do you want me to get that, Tara?" she asked cautiously.

Slowly, Tara nods. "If it's him... tell him I'm not here. You don't know me. I don't exist. I died. It was tragic."

Beka watched Tara carefully. She offered her hand to the teacher who'd quickly become a friend. "It's OK, Tara," she said, before answering the phone.

"Hello?" she waited a convincing length of time.

"No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. This is not the Fluffypants residence."

"Of course I'm sure," she said, sounding mildly miffed.

"Yes, you do that." She hung up the phone, and turned back to Tara. "Nothing to worry about. Wrong number. Maybe we should take it off the hook now?"

Tara breathes a sigh of relief, slipping her hand into Beka's.

"He keeps calling," she whispers. "He can't come on campus, but he's waiting at the gates."

She shakes her head, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Beka. I'm okay."

Nevertheless, she takes the phone off the hook. And unplugs it fron the wall. And puts it in the drawer of her desk. And locks the drawer.

Beka held Tara's hand gently, wracking her brain for what to do.

When in doubt, call the lover. It worked with Bel. The thought held a trace of bitterness but it was a good thought.

"Maybe we should call Shane to keep you company for a bit? Sounds like you could use that?"

Tara shakes her head. "I just talked to her. She can't come on campus until it's time for class, and she's meeting me at the gates soon."

She smiles softly, shrugging one shoulder. "I'm really okay, Beka. As long as I can get through class without incident, I can hold together just fine. Don't worry about me."

"If you're sure, Tara," Beka said in a tone that clearly indicated she wasn't. She gave a wry shake of her head. "Can't stop me from worrying. It's what I do. Even Angelus has given up trying."

Tara chuckles. "I guess everyone needs a hobby. Have you tried knitting? Or origami?"

Philosophy classroom: Monday office hours, 10am-2pm

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