How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: Wednesday Period 1 - Class 1

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

When the students entered the dangershop today, they would see that it had been turned into a deserted sports arena, complete with a track encircling a football field.

Well it wasn’t completely deserted. First there was the teacher who was standing in front of his students looking somewhat awkward and nervous holding a shotgun. Honestly if a bunny had been transformed into a human being and given a weapon, he’d look a lot like Columbus Ohio.

Also? There was a zombified football team standing behind him. They were all frozen much as if someone had hit a pause button in the middle of a horror movie while they went out o get a bucket of popcorn.

But we’ll get to them later.

“Hi,” Columbus said with a nervous wave. “My name is Columbus Ohio and I’m your teacher.”

There was a slight clearing of his throat. “So if you’re here it means you want to learn something about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Or something about zombies. If you look at the literature involving zombies, they are typically living undead under the control of some sort of magic or source of evil.”

Columbus then gestured at the frozen zombies standing behind him. “However there are variations. For instance these zombies are from my own world and don’t fall into a magic type of category. These people were transformed into zombies from a mutated version of the mad cow virus. Yes, technically they are still alive however one bite from these guys and within hours you’d be one of them. However no matter where you might have these types of monsters, the rules for survival will always apply. This of course brings us to the first rule.”

Columbus fumbled with the dangershop remote for a moment or two until words in giant block letters appeared behind him:



“Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the f-”

Columbus coughed for a second there before continuing.

“Were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Your homework for the rest of this summer session will be to go for a run at least three times a week and keep a log of how far and how long you were able to go. Don’t laugh. It may not be the most manly of skills but it’ll serve you well in the long run. Uh. No pun intended. As for your classroom activity today-”

Columbus punched off the pause button the remote.

“Let’s see how in shape you are.”

[Please note that this is a class about zombies. If you are squeamish or don't like violence this might not be the post to be reading. OCD is up!]

Comments

Sign In - 5/11

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Sign in with the name of the place you are from. Columbus isn't going to learn your real name.

Re: Sign In - 5/11

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

Alexandria, Virginia

Listen to the Lecture

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Also? It's a good idea to limber up. Feel free to chat amongst yourselves or react to the lecture.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

Scully was giving those football players a deeply dubious look. Because if they weren't already dead, they looked like they would be soon, and this did not bode well.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

Annie hadn't signed up for a single class on her schedule. Not one. If she had, she would not have signed up for the zombies class. Her eyes were wide and she kept watching the football players warily, inching backwards and hoping no one noticed.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[godofxbox]

Running, seriously? Put one foot in front of the other, that was their first lesson? Alex gave their teacher a dubious look.

...granted, some people didn't really have the hang of that.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

Well, if nothing else, Dave was going to be able to mark down another square on his bingo card. This teacher was insane and was going to send computer zombies after them.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[onlymistaken]

The only zombies Cally had ever seen were the ones at the bar in town, but the class had the words 'survive' and 'apocalypse' in the title; how could it not be useful?

Now she was eying the teacher, but only a little dubiously. Not for the zombies. For the name thing. What if there were more than one person from the same place?

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[forhisfriends.livejournal.com]

Simon was staring at the zombies.

He was also trying to listen to Columbus but it was hard because zombies were distracting, even when they were all paused and frozen-- which, actually, brought back memories which he tried to quickly suppress for fear of there being any telepaths around.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[trickydemigod.livejournal.com]

This class was gonna be awesome. He already had the first homework assignment down since he ran a couple times a week anyway to get rid of restlessness.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[dollpocalypse]

Okay, what? Because Topher was used to the whole prep school circuit where zombies were pretty much not a topic of discussion. This was a class? Really?

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[whitequeensfire.livejournal.com]

Zombies.

What.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[sedlexduralex.livejournal.com]

Unlike demons, zombies were mostly a fairy tale to Jocelyn so she was looking at them interestedly, wondering if a close-up inspection was possible.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[wheeler-360.livejournal.com]

It seemed to be the refrain of the week: Marshall was going to kill his parents.

He'd thought, when he'd been hoping that this would be a fun, theoretical workshop about theoretical zombie apocalypses (... apocalypsi? Marshall wondered), that his parents had chosen this as an appeal to his geeky nature. But no: between this and Outdoor Fitness on Mondays, clearly his parents were the devil incarnate. More exercise? Exercise as homework?

At least he'd be in great shape when (when, he stressed mentally, not if) he returned to Blake Holsey.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[lockestheway]

It was official: Peter's parents were trying to murder him, or at least drive him insane.

Or they were laughing at him. Peter wasn't sure what was worse, but he certainly looked an interesting shade of unhappy.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[harpy-daughter.livejournal.com]

Surreal was regarding the 'zombies' with a mix of curiosity and horror. "Are those some sort of demon-dead?" she asked aloud, tempted to poke at them.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[squire-hand.livejournal.com]

James stared at the armored undead. He had a bad feeling about this class.

RUN!

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Nope. There's no fuzzy-wuzzy-hold-your-classmates-hand-introductions. Run for your life, damn it!

And while there are no weapons, there is plenty of equipment (sporting, gardening, riding lawnmowers) that can be used as makeshift weapons.

Feel free to mod your own zombie encounter or ping below for interaction with simulated zombies.

Re: RUN!

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

"Holy crap."

Running! Running very fast! Running very fast and picking up a weed whacker in case any of those guys got too close!

Even knowing it was Danger Shop didn't help with the skin-crawling feeling of euuuch that the threat of having her brain eaten imparted to Scully.

Re: RUN!

[annieadderall.livejournal.com]

WHY HAD TRY NOT TO DIE!! CLASS NOT PREPARED HER FOR THIS.

As far as Annie knew, you didn't really have to be able to kill zombies as much as you just had to outrun everyone else and stay away from windows. Which may have been why she was all-out sprinting somewhere that was just not towards the zombie football players, screaming like a person being chased by zombies the whole time.

For some reason.

The TA's

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Who are hopefully in good shape. And wearing running shoes.

Re: The TA's

[not_tylerdurden]

Calvin was actually in surprisingly good shape for someone so lanky, it's what happened when your best friend thought it was hilarious to pounce on you and start wrestling when you least expected it. And when you did expect it.

Zombie Kill of the Week

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

For the most creative zombie kill... Your reward is extra credit.

And a Twinkie.

Talk to Columbus...

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Who isn't being chased by zombies.

I WANT ZOMBIES

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

Ping in here with a link if you want some zombie interaction...

OOC

[shotbillmurray.livejournal.com]

I really had something clever here to say. Alas I do not remember it. Woe.

Instead I give you the OOC Sombrero.

Re: OOC

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

Nathan will be omg so sad about missing the first two classes because he has to go through canon and bite it but any makeup work you want him to do, he'll do.