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fandomhigh2011-05-11 12:01 am
shotbillmurray.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2011-05-11 12:01 am
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How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse: Wednesday Period 1 - Class 1
When the students entered the dangershop today, they would see that it had been turned into a deserted sports arena, complete with a track encircling a football field.
Well it wasn’t completely deserted. First there was the teacher who was standing in front of his students looking somewhat awkward and nervous holding a shotgun. Honestly if a bunny had been transformed into a human being and given a weapon, he’d look a lot like Columbus Ohio.
Also? There was a zombified football team standing behind him. They were all frozen much as if someone had hit a pause button in the middle of a horror movie while they went out o get a bucket of popcorn.
But we’ll get to them later.
“Hi,” Columbus said with a nervous wave. “My name is Columbus Ohio and I’m your teacher.”
There was a slight clearing of his throat. “So if you’re here it means you want to learn something about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Or something about zombies. If you look at the literature involving zombies, they are typically living undead under the control of some sort of magic or source of evil.”
Columbus then gestured at the frozen zombies standing behind him. “However there are variations. For instance these zombies are from my own world and don’t fall into a magic type of category. These people were transformed into zombies from a mutated version of the mad cow virus. Yes, technically they are still alive however one bite from these guys and within hours you’d be one of them. However no matter where you might have these types of monsters, the rules for survival will always apply. This of course brings us to the first rule.”
Columbus fumbled with the dangershop remote for a moment or two until words in giant block letters appeared behind him:
“Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the f-”
Columbus coughed for a second there before continuing.
“Were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Your homework for the rest of this summer session will be to go for a run at least three times a week and keep a log of how far and how long you were able to go. Don’t laugh. It may not be the most manly of skills but it’ll serve you well in the long run. Uh. No pun intended. As for your classroom activity today-”
Columbus punched off the pause button the remote.
“Let’s see how in shape you are.”
[Please note that this is a class about zombies. If you are squeamish or don't like violence this might not be the post to be reading. OCD is up!]
Well it wasn’t completely deserted. First there was the teacher who was standing in front of his students looking somewhat awkward and nervous holding a shotgun. Honestly if a bunny had been transformed into a human being and given a weapon, he’d look a lot like Columbus Ohio.
Also? There was a zombified football team standing behind him. They were all frozen much as if someone had hit a pause button in the middle of a horror movie while they went out o get a bucket of popcorn.
But we’ll get to them later.
“Hi,” Columbus said with a nervous wave. “My name is Columbus Ohio and I’m your teacher.”
There was a slight clearing of his throat. “So if you’re here it means you want to learn something about surviving a zombie apocalypse. Or something about zombies. If you look at the literature involving zombies, they are typically living undead under the control of some sort of magic or source of evil.”
Columbus then gestured at the frozen zombies standing behind him. “However there are variations. For instance these zombies are from my own world and don’t fall into a magic type of category. These people were transformed into zombies from a mutated version of the mad cow virus. Yes, technically they are still alive however one bite from these guys and within hours you’d be one of them. However no matter where you might have these types of monsters, the rules for survival will always apply. This of course brings us to the first rule.”
Columbus fumbled with the dangershop remote for a moment or two until words in giant block letters appeared behind him:
“Cardio. That’s the first rule of surviving Zombieland. When the outbreak first hit, the first to go were the f-”
Columbus coughed for a second there before continuing.
“Were the people who were out of shape. For obvious reasons. Your homework for the rest of this summer session will be to go for a run at least three times a week and keep a log of how far and how long you were able to go. Don’t laugh. It may not be the most manly of skills but it’ll serve you well in the long run. Uh. No pun intended. As for your classroom activity today-”
Columbus punched off the pause button the remote.
“Let’s see how in shape you are.”
[Please note that this is a class about zombies. If you are squeamish or don't like violence this might not be the post to be reading. OCD is up!]
Re: RUN!
If they weren't real, then Marshall wouldn't start frothing at the mouth, because clearly zombies that aren't real can't actually make you a zombie! Right? Right?
"What would you suggest?"
Re: RUN!
"Grab a weapon on the next go-round!" She took a deep breath and put on speed. "And stop talking!"
Re: RUN!
Like Marshall knew what to do with anything. But. Maybe this golf club!
"Okay, now what do I do with it?"
Asking Marshall to stop talking was like asking the earth to stop spinning.
Re: RUN!
Maybe that would give Marshall some ideas?
Re: RUN!
Nonetheless, he ducked away from a flailing zombie arm and brought his golfclub crashing down on its head.
Re: RUN!
"GOOD ONE!"
Even if the zombie was still staggering after them, albeit without being able to see or smell them very well.