fandomhigh | What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week 9 (Atreides/Deadpool)

The class was ~~handwavily~~ told to meet up in the dangershop today. The dangershop that mysteriously looked like a bumper car set up from a fair.

"We apologize for missing class last week," Ghanima began smoothly. "I was indisposed-" which was a polite way of saying she'd had a precognative migraine and spent the week cursing the name of Atreides, "-and...I don't actually know what Mr. Wilson's excuse is."

Deadpool shrugged. “Free tacos on the mainland.” THAT COUNTED.

Ghanima bit down on a sigh and turned back to the students. "So today, we go back to your lesson of moving and shooting, and how impractical it was. Today, we look at driving a vechile while in combat."

“In that sassy Paul Walker/Vin Diesel ‘we’re not gay, but we just have these feelings that we can’t explain’ sort of way,” Deadpool continued, poking at one of the cars. “I mean, seriously, have you guys watched those movies? They make your average comic book seem like it’s not thinly veiled homoerotic metaphor that makes your average teenage boy feel better about their own scary feelings for Ratman’s ass that you could bounce quarters off of.”

Ghanima gave him a strange look. "That seems like a poor use for quarters."

“It’s better than all those years of therapy they’ll need to go through,” Deadpool replied cheerfully. “So! Who wants to see what happens when you try shooting at something while moving really, really fast?”

A beat.

“When you’re not awesome like Ghanima or I, that it.”

"There's a number of phrases for this sort of combat," Ghanima continued. "Car Fu, which uses the car as a weapon. There's mounted combat, on a horse, and that horse is NOT going to stand still calmly like in the movies."

Those poor horses...

“And there is the need for some mad improbably aiming skills when you’re driving or riding on a horse.” Deadpool frowned. “Who rides a horse anymore? Other than Fraser.”

"I do not know; I only drive 'thopters or ride worms," Ghanima replied with a shrug. "But none of you are badass drivers, and burning rubber isn't going to get you out of the fight alive. The car will not escape with not a scratch on it, and shooting the fuel tank does not work."

Deadpool had to think about that last one. “Unless you’re in a genre that is filled with those cliches. Happens all the time back home,” he said. “Oh, cliches. I love them so much. It’s how I managed to got mailed FedEx after a failed job.”

"Unless they dismembered you, you would not fit in a mailbox well." Now Ghanima was considering the best way to carve you up, Wade. And it's not the fun-kinky way, either. "Irrelevant. We have bumper cars, and you can try and drive and shoot, or have someone else be your getaway driver."

“It’s fun!” Deadpool informed the class, shooting Ghanima with a Nerf gun.

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They were supposed to be firing at each other; neither Professor Deadpool nor Lady Ghanima said anything about provocation!

"YES!" Unfortunately, cheering while the fight was still going on hadn't been covered in class yet, so she took a slightly stinging shot to the arm. "Ow! Non-fatal injury! I totally can still shoot!"

So she did.

By this time James was hunched down in the car, realizing that he had no armor, nor could he escape in this slow car to a safe hiding spot, so he did what he could, spinning the wheel with one hand as he aimed at his classmate with the other. The dart glanced off of the fairing of the bumper car, with James trying to hunker down even more and trying to put a few ~~innocent by-standers~~ obstacles between them.

One of them was bouncing a bit and aiming wildly while shooting, and the other was Momoko.

[Alas, bedtime. More school-sanctioned drive-by tomorrow?]

Momoko took another shot, but it totally went wild. She had to take a moment to reload, but was soon after him again.

well, as much as she could. Where did he learn how to pilot... uhm, drive?

[No problem! :) Sleep well!]

James had seen a few movies, all with what looked like implausible moves by steel-jawed men in metal carriages without horses. For a lad used to horses, bumper cars were as technological as he wanted to get at the moment, but he was a fast learner.

For example, it took only three bone-jarring hits for him to figure out the steering, and he beelined for the edge so as to only worry about attacks from three sides instead of all four; it was the closest he would get to having his back against a wall without boxing himself into a corner.

He reloaded (and hit another car) before turning to fire at Momoko. Give the lad a foam dart gun and he could hit the broad side of a barn 3 out of 4 times. Give the lad a foam sword...

... And he'd be able to beat Momoko. But for now...

Momoko ducked and dodged the foam dart, sending one of hers to replace it but her car was deciding it didn't want to listen to her one-handed steering any more and was going to go over here thank you.

Which of course meant she had to drop the gun after her one shot and try to wrestle her car back into line.

James zigged when he should have zagged (stupid car steering) and basically drove himself into her line of fire, with the dart clipping his ear.

He decided to do something drastic: stop the car and work on his aim. Much easier to handle the gun with both hands and time to take aim. Momoko, these darts have your name on the~em!

And Momoko was a bit too focussed on trying to avoid them with the car so she didn't duck, taking a dart right on the chest. Lucky kill shot. "Aww!" she whined playfully. "Totally not fair. You're supposed to be driving."

He grinned and waggled the gun. "Until they make one with the brains of a horse, I'll stick with my run and shoot!"

...further diatribe was cut short by a well-timed hit from a runaway bumper car.

He spun the wheel and aimed the car at Momoko's general direction, taking off. "Would you rather we joust?" he called out to her.

[ooc: Bedtimes! For now I must dream of bumper car jousting with pool noodles]

What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week 9 (Atreides/Deadpool)

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Re: Bumper Cars