fandomhigh | How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

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How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

"Now you listen close and you listen hard, bucko," Lucas said, holding up the receiver of an old-school phone. "The next click you hear is me hanging up. The one after that... is me pulling the trigger!" And with that, Lucas hung up.

"That's kind of my 'Feeling lucky punk' quote from one of my biggest hits, 'You Just Don't Exist,'" Lucas said. "When people dress like Cole Hazard at conventions, that's the line they quote. That's the power of a catchphrase. You think Schwartzenegger gets to be a politician today if he couldn't mumble at least one good catchphrase per movie? If you do, you're an idiot and the rest of the class should kick your ass and steal your lunch money."

Lucas waited to see if anyone would raise their hand and volunteer for an ass kicking.

"It's Friday. We're in Hawaii on Sunday. You don't want to do any work now, I get that," Lucas said. "Unfortunately for you guys, 'evil' is in my job description. So you're going to get a bunch of situations and you need to come up with catchphrases for them. Your character is a badass. They're about to do something badass. Figure out what you're going to say and then make it sound badass."

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Come up with catchphrases for at least two of the four scenarios, but feel free to brainstorm with somebody.

1. Your significant other has been kidnapped by an ethnic villain of some sort. You've tracked the bad guy to a yacht, killed your way through all of his henchmen, and now it's down to you and him. He has a gun to your significant other's head. You have a gun aimed at him and are going to take a headshot that you're confident you'll make. He tells you, "Drop the gun or they're dead!" Instead, you decide to drop a catchphrase. What do you say? (Remember, we're in a modern society and you can't make the last thing you say to him just be racist or bigoted or whatever. That's why I didn't even mention what kind of ethnicity he is.)

2. You're the President of the United States. You're on vacation at Camp David when a group of European terrorists attack, kidnapping your family and not just killing them. You've made your way through the naval complex, killing your way through all of the terrorist henchmen. Finally you get to the main terrorist, who has your family in the next room and has strapped himself and the entire complex with bombs. He has the trigger in his hand, but it doesn't have a dead man's trigger, so you can just shoot his thumb off or shoot him in the face or something before he can hit the trigger. He tells you, "We were willing to give our lives to the cause. Now I will do the same. Goodbye, Mr or Mrs President." What do you say during the pause before you shoot him while he's trying to pull the trigger?

3. You're a sports star in a sports movie about whatever kind of sport you want it to be. Your rival is trash talking you as you step up to the plate or the three point line or the halfpipe or balance beam or whatever you want and gives you some kind of generic line about your sport. Name the sport and give your best catchphrase to show that you're going to win. It must include at least one pun.

4. You're going to Hawaii, where there have been a rash of shark attacks that the local media doesn't believe in. A local nut convinces a single law enforcement official that it's one very determined shark, so the official calls you, a friend and expert shark hunter. You accept the offer to help over the phone. The conversation is over, but you need a really snappy catchphrase to end the call with before you hang up. What do you say?

Yeah sure, Kate could bounce around a few ideas with someone, even though she was kind of over the whole concept of catchphrases.

She looked idly around for a partner.

Caroline thought Kate was just the person to try writing catch phrases with. Or maybe she just wanted to piss the other girl off with her very presence considering the emotions stirring in her that were most definitely not jealousy-related. At least, that was what Caroline was telling herself.

"You look in need of help," Caroline remarked, glancing Kate over. Totally needed help.

Kate gave her a brief, incredulous look, like she could hardly believe the other girl was actually talking to her. Again. Seriously, was she this bad at taking a hint?

"Uh huh," Kate said, not sounding like she meant it at all. "What, and you're intending to help me?"

"Call it my good deed of the day," she answered, saccharine sweet smile planted on her face. "Even if you already have that whole caustic bitch act down pat."

"Always nice to be charity case anyway," Kate replied with a decidedly fake, rather mocking smile of her own. "So, I'm sure you have just brilliant ideas for oneliners for all these situations?"

"I might," Caroline replied easily enough, still attempting to appear serene despite kind of hating this girl a lot. "Though I don't think our teacher here is interested in brilliance so much as shock value."

"Well, then I guess you should do just fine, right?" Kate drawled. Her pretension was kind of on the shakier side, really. "If lack of brilliance is no issue. Probably doesn't have to be too intelligent, either."

Ooh, burn! Caroline thought perhaps she had someone worth sparring with, not at all like Amy freaking Reynolds, that ho. "Then you won't have to strain yourself, hmm? Which scenario did you want to do? Did you need help reading it?"

Kate rolled her eyes, deeming that one too lame to merit a verbal response. "I don't know, number four? It's not like I really give a shit."

"Shark hunters, sounds like a match. Why don't you give a shit? It's class, we have a task to do, right?" Caroline wasn't sure Katie got it.

"I'm pretty sure the teacher doesn't really give a shit, either," Kate pointed out. "So I could just as well pretend to do the task, just like I'm pretending to have a civil conversation with you."

"Oh right, you're too cool for school," Caroline replied, rolling her eyes. "My bad. Maybe we can go with something simple like, It's too early for this shit, a catchphrase for any situation happening first period, hmm?"

Re: Catchphrases!

vanillajello - 2011-02-19 13:05 (UTC) - Expand

Most of Nathan's focus was on the fourth scenario considering that he was gonna be in fucking Hawaii in a few days.

"It's time to turn the tables. It's time...to be the hunters," Nathan muttered to himself and then shook his head. "Fuck no. That's awful."

He was open for brainstorming even while he cursed at his lack of creativity on that one.

"Probably because you suck. Duh," Caroline muttered, passing by his desk.

Okay, maybe derisive remarks weren't the best way to go considering the other night and how she'd messed things up, but she felt he so totally deserved it that the words just popped out of her mouth before she could rethink it.

"Excuse me?" Oh look, it was the roommate who hadn't spoken to him since Wednesday. "I suck? I suck?"

Nathan even made a show of looking around like maybe she was talking to someone else before looking back at her. "If I suck, you blow. And you blow bigger than I suck."

Caroline believed that jerkface had a mouth. A great, huge gaping trap of a mouth that could totally talk without her starting a conversation.

"You sound like a freaking vacuum cleaner," she said, rolling her eyes and flipping her curls over her shoulder. Screw him, at least she looked hot.

Wow, someone was in a mood today, wasn't she? Nathan didn't exactly know what brought this on but fuck trying to talk to her rationally if she was going to throw insults around.

"Oh, harsh, Caroline, harsh," he said, all sarcasm. He even clutched his heart and mock gasped. "I'm a household appliance. You've really come out firing the big guns, haven't you? Does that mean you're a coffeemaker? Or maybe a refrigerator? Or wait, I know, you're an alarm clock. Totally quiet until you can't take it anymore and decide to blare nonsense at me."

"Maybe if you didn't give me reason, I could stop myself from going off," she snapped, going along with his stupid analogy. "But it seems like you're incapable of helping yourself." Or did he just help himself to everything he wanted?

"Did someone piss in one of your special cups this morning?" Nathan asked, glaring at her. "What is your major malfunction right now, Caroline? You seem to have woken up and decided that your quota for bitching hasn't been met and you wanna get there by being an ass to me."

It was pretty safe to say that Nathan had no idea where this was coming from, no. "One, I haven't given you any reasons and I dare you to prove me wrong. Two, I can help myself. I'm still alive, aren't I? You think someone wouldn't have fucking snapped my neck and left me for dead if I was incapable of half the shit you think I am?"

Edited 2011-02-19 00:53 (UTC)

"Yes, of course it's my fault. Maybe I should be the one to snap your neck, though I might be getting in the way of destiny and that would just be so freaking sad for you, I'm sure." So much bitter, so little time to sling it all at his stupid face.

"You wanna snap my neck, Caroline?" Nathan asked, tone clipped. He had to fight the urge to not get up and get in her face right in the middle of class. "You wouldn't be the first one to want to kill me. Boohoo, someone wants to kill me. I'll immediately withdraw myself from school for my own safety and enroll in the fucking military. Can you imagine that? They'll give me a gun, Caroline. I'm sure that sausage fest would give me all kinds of new mates who would throw themselves in front of bullets meant for me and my beautiful chest."

Though, she'd probably be the first one who might actually succeed. Of course, Nathan wasn't going to censor himself because of that.

"Seriously, what is your fucking deal right now?" Nathan snapped, staring at her. "Did you just decide to hate me because you were bored today? Because, really Caroline, if you're bored, I'm sure we can find something for us to do. I'm resourceful and fun when you're not treating me like your fucking convenient whipping boy with great hair and a great smile."

Caroline lowered her voice, leaning in to get in his face since he was being all loud and, well, himself. "What's my deal? You seriously have to ask that? God, you are clueless, Nathan." And she was exasperated and unable to get over herself.

"Think back, can you remember ten minutes ago or do we need to get you some special help with that? Or maybe you're having too much fun playing around to give a shit who can hear every freaking horrifically accented word that comes out of your stupid mouth!"

Nathan stared at her and then scrubbed his fingers through his hair, clearly annoyed. He almost started snapping at her about eavesdropping on his conversations but then it dawned on him that she could probably hear shit that was happening three towns over without really meaning to.

"I think I need some special help," he retorted heatedly, not backing down at all. He knew what she could do but there was just no way he was backing off. "Please, enlighten me on what you heard that's made you act like a fucking baby who got her bottle taken away. Please, be my proverbial short bus, Caroline because I wanna know. Maybe you can stop talking in circles and throwing out these bitter spinster cliches and actually tell me what's up your ass."

"There is nothing 'up my ass,'" Caroline replied, rolling her eyes and looking away because she was kind of lying. Which Nathan might possibly guess from her lack of verbal diarrhea. "I'm just glad to know all of these fun bits of trivia now."