fandomhigh | The Science of Sexuality, Monday

Fortunately for both the students and John this week, there were no anatomically correct drawings of the subject on the board. If only because Sherlock couldn't be bothered to deal with this part of the subject matter.

"Today," John said, trying desperately not to look horribly stereotypically English and uncomfortable about it all, "We'll be discussing, ah, forms of... engaging with your partner that don't involve penetration, making the risk of accidental pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases smaller than in regular intercourse. We'll... be going into the anatomy of it all next week. This week, we'd like you all to sit down and discuss how, er, viable you find these forms of copulation."

Save him, Sherlock.

John was an utter coward about the silliest of things.

"Since we are aware that the majority of you will no doubt engage in sexual activity these are, as previously said, the safer alternatives. The safest being phone sex. Or texting, or 'cybersex'. As your desired partner is not with you, there is little to no chance of exchanging bodily fluids," Sherlock said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Beyond that, there is heavy petting and frottage. Both of which are what you disease infested little monsters seem to do instead of dancing."

He was just so kind!

John was a doctor. He was fine with the essentials of all of this; he just wasn't built to speak to a group of teenagers about it. Still, he was going to try it. "The latter still comes with its fair share of risks, of course," he said - look, that, he was comfortable talking about - "Especially in the case of such conditions as herpes and genital warts. Also keep in mind that even a stray drop of fluid can lead to a pregnancy, meaning that this is not an excuse not to wear a rubber."

"Even more risky of the forms of 'safer sex' are interfemoral intercourse and mutual masturbation," Sherlock continued as though giving a lecture on the properties of blood on different fabrics. Which he had done once, much to the annoyance of DI Lestrade.

"Interfemoral meaning between the thighs, but without penetration." John had a feeling there was a certain zone of zen for this manner of lecture that he just couldn't reach. "Increasing the risk of possible pregnancy, as well as forms of STDs that involve some contact with the sexual organs." There was a reason he was terribly glad Sherlock had decided to go without the drawings today. They could leave the drawings to the internet, thank you. "Likewise for mutual masturbation. I suggest you make sure everything is as sanitized as it can be."

At least they weren't bickering today?

Somehow that was what got Sherlock to grin. "Or you could end up like one unfortunate fellow in Clerkenwell." It was a distinct possibility that only one person in the room got the joke.

The mildly uncomfortable expression on John's face vanished to make place for amusement that was really only barely contained. "And having your-- liquids-- tested--" he tried.

At which point he lapsed into a brief, sedate burst of ~~giggles~~ chuckles.

Dear lord, were they both ~~giggling like schoolgirls~~ chuckling? "Now, John, that was a perfectly standard test."

"Yes--" John said, attempting to get his snickering under control, "So that's-- today's lesson-- don't wind up in a position where you need a standard test--" He pressed his palm to his mouth. "...Sherlock, we're teaching." They shouldn't be giggling while they were teaching.

John coughed. Yes. Let's get to it.

[[ academic terminology for sexual acts behind the cut. Open, have at! ]]

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"I'm only following the instructions of the assignment," Nathan said, all innocence. "I mean, it's actually you whose not doing the right thing. Oh, I got it! That means you're the passive one, doesn't it? You like being ordered around? Control games, right? You get tied up, you get spanked and you get blindfolded and then the guy does what he wants all over you. Right?"

And didn't that statement just rub up against some of Karla's more personal issues nice and unpleasant like?

Karla had been raised as a lady, which meant she had an appropriate recourse for such slurs against her dignity; a slap to the face was generally considered proper in the aristo circles of Glacia.

Karla's slap just happened to be delivered with a closed fist and aimed at Nathan's eye. But then, she'd never pretended to be much of a lady. "Gutter son of a whoring bitch!"

[John is going to step in after your ping (whether it connects or not), if that's cool with you?]

It wasn't like Nathan hadn't been punched before. It'd happened plenty of times but this time, he just hadn't been expecting so as soon as that tiny little fist connected with his eyes, curse words were rolling off his tongue instantaneously.

"What the fuck?" Nathan yelped, holding one eye and glaring at Karla with the other. "You know, it's typically more socially acceptable to walk the hell away rather than punching a defenseless man for no reason!"

Okay, maybe she had a reason. A good one considering the partner she'd chosen. But, well, Nathan didn't see it that way.

[That's fine! Sorry, I worked a 13 hour day yesterday and craaaashed hard.]

"What in the name of God do you think you're doing?!" John demanded. He'd already been halfway there the moment the girl threw the punch - it took him no time at all to cover the rest of the distance.

"She physically assaulted me," Nathan said, perhaps exaggerating it but hey, she'd hit him in the eye. "I might have permanent damage to my beautiful face."

Karla was trembling at as glared at him. "You'll be lucky that's all the permanent damage I do," she snarled, making things that much better for herself.

An explanation would be good now. Turning to John in a calm, rational manner and enumerating the many, many reasons why she'd punched him. But words weren't coming and John was barely an afterthought; her fist still clenched in case Nathan started saying things again.

"Quiet," John said, to Nathan, almost as an afterthought. He was looking straight at Karla. "What was that," he said again. "You don't punch your classmates."

"That was me proving that sometimes you do punch your classmates," Karla snapped, her eyes still locked on Nathan. "I told him to stop it, to shut up. And then..." She opened her mouth, then shut it and shook her head. "Then I punched him," she said instead.

"I noticed," John snapped. "Tell me, do you think that's acceptable behaviour for sorting out your differences?"

"In this particular instance? Yes!" Karla said. "Otherwise, I wouldn't have done it!"

She had a point. It wasn't a good point, but it was a point.

Teenagers. John was quickly starting to figure out again why he didn't like them.

"It isn't," he said, fighting the urge to facepalm. "We don't get violent with our fellow students. If you had a problem with him, you could have-- taken it to us."

"Yeah!" Nathan chimed in, still holding his eye like she'd done far more than just bruise it with her tiny little fist.

He pointed a finger at Karla and added, "Physical assault is against the law. I could have you arrested. You really fancy yourself as a new accessory for some big butch inmate called Bertha?"

Her fist wasn't tiny! It was...completely proportional for her size! Or something! Yeah!

"Try it and I'll have you up on charges for sexual harassment--even after I explicitly told you to stop--so fast you won't have a chance to blink," Karla hissed at Nathan. "We'll see who gets made someone else's bitch first."

"You," John said, pointing at Nathan, "Be quiet, or you're spending the next five weekends in detention."

Teenagers. Really, at this point, John almost wanted to call in Sherlock, except he doubted the man would care enough to see the point of the exercise.

"And Karla, you've certainly got detention now."

Not five weekends, though.

"Fine," Karla said, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she looked at John. "I'll take it and gladly. Detention is worth it."

If she was willing to take another, could she hit him again?

The Science of Sexuality, Monday

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