How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

[nosefullofsnot.livejournal.com]

"Hey, you made it back. 'Grats on not being losers," Lucas said as the class began. "I'm breaking up the semester so you'll get some time learning about all three movie genres that are worth anything at the box office. And we're starting with the easiest genre, comedy. Really, anyone can make someone laugh. All you really have to do is fart at the right time. Well, that's all you have to do. Farting's beneath me. You'll never catch me farting for a laugh. A-listers don't have to unless they really need a paycheck, or they're pretenders to the crown."

"But hey, you want to fart, go ahead and fart. I'll just grab a gas mask," Lucas said. "Anyway, the key to comedy - besides farting - is that you don't have to be funny. Unless you're really good at improv - and based on last week, none of you are... except for maybe the frog kid. That bear thing cracked me up - you're going to be completely dependent on what people who are SO MUCH funnier than you write. Don't admit thatin the press. The writers know the deal. All the credit goes to you. You can even say that you improved your lines, nobody will say anything else because they're beneath you. But hey, if they figure out how to become directors, then they'll get some credit. Until then, be sure to sell those bastards out like your career depends on it, because it probably does."

"And that's all comedy acting is. It's lying about how funny you are. And if you're good enough at that while you're reading those things actual funny people wrote for you to say, then somebody might believe you and give you more work, or maybe a Golden Globe," Lucas said. "And remember, you get to drink at that show."

"So, here's what we're doing today," Lucas said, reaching under his desk to pull out a bunch of joke books and tossing them indiscriminately toward his students.

Because if they got hit in the face, it would be funny.

"Grab a book, grab a partner, make them laugh. If they don't laugh, you're doing something wrong because a lot of those jokes are great. Go ahead and fart if you're getting desperate," Lucas encouraged. "We'll know that you suck, but at least you'll make it another day in the business. I'll be around to give some tips on delivery if you're dying out there." Or, more likely, he would heckle.

[OOC: Really, he's more throwing them to the students, only a little high. But obviously, feel free to catch or dodge or bat away any joke books. They're small, 100 page softcover things, so they're not going to hurt that bad, even if they do hit....]

Comments

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

After checking to make sure his face was fine, Nathan had picked up one of the books and was paging through it while waiting for a partner. Going through a lame ass joke book was better than standing up and making the wild accusations against Caroline that he wanted to make. She'd probably convince everyone that he was drunk and stupid when he was right! This time, he wasn't even the wrong one!

Seriously, there were going to be words at some point.

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

Ooh, perfect person to try her insult joke book on! Caroline decided she'd start simple with a smirk. "I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"What did you do to me?" Nathan asked, ignoring her statement and the assignment for the moment. "And don't play fucking dumb either, I know you did something. Did you use some secret -- "

He wiggled both sets of fingers at her, still glaring.

" -- gypsy magic? Or did you put me under some sort of curse?"

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

Caroline tilted her head at him like he was speaking a foreign language. "Was that supposed to be funny? You really ought to considering coming up with better punchlines for your jokes, Nathan."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

Nathan glared at her again and resisted the urge to slam his hand down on the desk in a dramatic fashion. He'd seen that on television shows and it had always gotten results for those kids.

Of course, those kids were actually thirty five year old actors who were probably addicted to blow so maybe that wouldn't work.

"Fine, you want me to be funny?" Nathan asked, raising his eyebrows. "How about I stand up on my desk here and tell everyone just what you are? I know I'd laugh."

And he'd do it too.

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

With the threat of revealing her secret, she snapped into serious mode and lowered her voice. "Um, excuse you, what are you actually talking about here, Nathan? Because that is so not funny." Caroline so didn't think he'd realize she'd compelled him to shut up about her underwear.

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You did something to me," he said and tapped the side of his head. "Didn't you? The other night? I remember the other night but all I remember is showering and making my fucking bed. Why is that all I remember? Because really, I know I'm not that fucking boring. That's nursing home levels of boring right there and I've still got two working hands, no carpal tunnel and the ability to control my own bowels so I'm not there yet."

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Maybe you're just a neater, cleaner Nathan," Caroline suggested, starting to realize maybe he wasn't as stupid as she had thought. "Or maybe you hit your head prancing around the room in your tiny drawers, God."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"Um, no!" Nathan said, giving her a thumbs down. "Maybe you did something to me. I know you did. You put some gypsy fucking curse on me! I know you have the ability or do you not recall asking me if you could make me forget the conversation where I found out you were a tomato juice swilling, creature of the fucking night except not the funny Rocky Horror type?"

Meatloaf would have just ridden his motorcycle around and sung at him a lot.

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Hey, who are you calling a creature of the night? Do you see me here in the day time?" Nathan didn't have to know about the stupid ring thing. "Yes you do. Jokes, not insults, Nathan. And if I ever did anything it would be totally deserved."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"I listened to the radio and they talked about a conversation I can't remember," Nathan shared, actually doing the fist pound on the desk thing now since he thought she deserved it.

"So, take it off, whatever you did," Nathan said, leaning forward some. "Take it off. Un-curse me or un-bless me or whatever weird juju that you can do. Take it off or I will tell everyone that you're starting Halloween a little earlier than normal. No one said you could mess with my mind. I need that to be clear, you know! How else am I supposed to not shag ugly girls?"

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Shh!" Caroline chastised, moving close to smack at his hand. "Do you want everyone to hear you whining about having a bad memory? Besides, who says I can undo anything? You know, assuming something happened..."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You can't undo it?" Nathan nearly shrieked, unable to stop himself. He had no idea what she'd messed with but he knew her so the possibilities were limitless and terrifying.

"And stop trying to play innocent," he said, rubbing his hand through his hair. "I heard the radio, that's cold hard evidence that something happened. I did not drink enough to pass out that night. I didn't do any drugs and I don't pass out during sex unless some chick suffocates me when she's sitting on my face!"

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Oh my God, I did not sit on your face!" Caroline snapped, not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea from his shrieking. "All that happened was you skeeved on my underwear until you started blathering about how hot I was and then you went for a long shower and ew, I am not thinking any more about what you do in the shower, grossness."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You're a worse liar than I am," Nathan pointed out, still pissy. He swatted at the hand near his so he'd have a better chance of doing that neat fist pound thing again.

"That's not what happened considering the radio said differently and you just badly lied about me assuming you could undo something that maybe, possibly, probably, happened. Badly. Lied. I could have driven a fucking car through that lie. A fucking bus, even."

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"I am not a bad liar!" She totally was, but she leaned closer against his desk, trying to block his hand from pounding it again. "If you're so sure I'm lying, you tell me what happened."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You don't seem to understand," Nathan said, fixing her with a stare. "What I remember doesn't match up with what those three girls, who really need to start in a lesbian hatesex porn since it would make a lot of money, said happened on the radio. I don't remember that conversation. I remember showers and making my bed and you talking about celebrities."

He pulled a face at that. "Does that sound like me at all? No. That sounds like some bloke who lives in his parents basement and gets off on thinking some actress is his girlfriend! Next up, attempting to shoot a politician because she told him to!"

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Whatever, like whatever these lesbians said was gospel?" Ugh, now he had her making assumptions. "Seriously, it sounds like a boring afternoon in our room. What, did you think we had sex and I'm hiding it from you?"

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You know, I didn't go around fucking telling everyone your little dirty secret," Nathan said, glaring. "How does that give you the right to mess with my fucking memories? Are you really that cruel?"

He leaned back in his chair and waved a hand at her, smoothly changing tactics. He'd done this before and if she wasn't going to listen to his shrieking, he'd do this. He'd gotten head, gifts, beer, cigarettes and other things just by playing the emotionally wrecked guy.

"Whatever, fuck off," he said, shaking his head. "I never thought I'd find a way where I've got more morals than someone but here it is. Apparently, I just had to come to America."

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Fine," Caroline tossed her hair over her shoulder and frowned at his change of attitude. He was right, she should just leave. "But remember you told me to go when you miss me in five minutes."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"Don't even talk to me anymore," Nathan said, shaking his head and making a show of opening up one of his books and not reading it. "Whatever I might be, prick, dick, vile, screw up, moron, dumb, I, at least, don't manipulate people. Let's just hope I don't take a cue from you and start using information I have to get what I want."

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

Well that had her staying when she'd started to turn. "Oh please, like this isn't some manipulation on your part. Mister I Will Say Anything To Get In A Girl's Pants! You are such a liar, Nathan."

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"You take off whatever you did to me or I swear, everyone here is going to know your secret in like two minutes," Nathan threatened, pretty serious about that.

"I took that whole thing rather well, I think but that wasn't permission for you to get all handsy and genie like with whatever you can do! You didn't even grant me three fucking wishes! Fucking gypped. I didn't even get to rub you to make you emerge. I didn't even get the fun stuff!"

Still, he stood up to show he was serious about blabbing about her secret. He had no qualms about sharing it with everyone.

Re: Crack Wise!

[puppywithatutu.livejournal.com]

"Dude, shut your big, stupid mouth and look at me or I can't do anything, okay?!" God, he was annoying and Caroline stepped closer to smack at Nathan's shoulder. "If you want me to fix you already, I need a little eye contact, not rubbing, you idiot!"

Re: Crack Wise!

[tripledmyself.livejournal.com]

"Fine," he said, turning his attention to her since she seemed like she was going to do something and even if she didn't, this was totally an admission of guilt and he'd used that against her.

"Don't gyp me," he warned, shaking his head but keeping his eyes on her. "It's not very nice to play your mind games when the other person can't retaliate. I'm really a nice bloke, Caroline, and I know the sexual tension between us is simmering but you don't have to get all mad scientist on me."