fandomhigh | How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

"Hey, you made it back. 'Grats on not being losers," Lucas said as the class began. "I'm breaking up the semester so you'll get some time learning about all three movie genres that are worth anything at the box office. And we're starting with the easiest genre, comedy. Really, anyone can make someone laugh. All you really have to do is fart at the right time. Well, that's all you have to do. Farting's beneath me. You'll never catch me farting for a laugh. A-listers don't have to unless they really need a paycheck, or they're pretenders to the crown."

"But hey, you want to fart, go ahead and fart. I'll just grab a gas mask," Lucas said. "Anyway, the key to comedy - besides farting - is that you don't have to be funny. Unless you're really good at improv - and based on last week, none of you are... except for maybe the frog kid. That bear thing cracked me up - you're going to be completely dependent on what people who are SO MUCH funnier than you write. Don't admit thatin the press. The writers know the deal. All the credit goes to you. You can even say that you improved your lines, nobody will say anything else because they're beneath you. But hey, if they figure out how to become directors, then they'll get some credit. Until then, be sure to sell those bastards out like your career depends on it, because it probably does."

"And that's all comedy acting is. It's lying about how funny you are. And if you're good enough at that while you're reading those things actual funny people wrote for you to say, then somebody might believe you and give you more work, or maybe a Golden Globe," Lucas said. "And remember, you get to drink at that show."

"So, here's what we're doing today," Lucas said, reaching under his desk to pull out a bunch of joke books and tossing them indiscriminately toward his students.

Because if they got hit in the face, it would be funny.

"Grab a book, grab a partner, make them laugh. If they don't laugh, you're doing something wrong because a lot of those jokes are great. Go ahead and fart if you're getting desperate," Lucas encouraged. "We'll know that you suck, but at least you'll make it another day in the business. I'll be around to give some tips on delivery if you're dying out there." Or, more likely, he would heckle.

[OOC: Really, he's more throwing them to the students, only a little high. But obviously, feel free to catch or dodge or bat away any joke books. They're small, 100 page softcover things, so they're not going to hurt that bad, even if they do hit....]

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"You can't undo it?" Nathan nearly shrieked, unable to stop himself. He had no idea what she'd messed with but he knew her so the possibilities were limitless and terrifying.

"And stop trying to play innocent," he said, rubbing his hand through his hair. "I heard the radio, that's cold hard evidence that something happened. I did not drink enough to pass out that night. I didn't do any drugs and I don't pass out during sex unless some chick suffocates me when she's sitting on my face!"

"Oh my God, I did not sit on your face!" Caroline snapped, not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea from his shrieking. "All that happened was you skeeved on my underwear until you started blathering about how hot I was and then you went for a long shower and ew, I am not thinking any more about what you do in the shower, grossness."

"You're a worse liar than I am," Nathan pointed out, still pissy. He swatted at the hand near his so he'd have a better chance of doing that neat fist pound thing again.

"That's not what happened considering the radio said differently and you just badly lied about me assuming you could undo something that maybe, possibly, probably, happened. Badly. Lied. I could have driven a fucking car through that lie. A fucking bus, even."

"I am not a bad liar!" She totally was, but she leaned closer against his desk, trying to block his hand from pounding it again. "If you're so sure I'm lying, you tell me what happened."

"You don't seem to understand," Nathan said, fixing her with a stare. "What I remember doesn't match up with what those three girls, who really need to start in a lesbian hatesex porn since it would make a lot of money, said happened on the radio. I don't remember that conversation. I remember showers and making my bed and you talking about celebrities."

He pulled a face at that. "Does that sound like me at all? No. That sounds like some bloke who lives in his parents basement and gets off on thinking some actress is his girlfriend! Next up, attempting to shoot a politician because she told him to!"

"Whatever, like whatever these lesbians said was gospel?" Ugh, now he had her making assumptions. "Seriously, it sounds like a boring afternoon in our room. What, did you think we had sex and I'm hiding it from you?"

"You know, I didn't go around fucking telling everyone your little dirty secret," Nathan said, glaring. "How does that give you the right to mess with my fucking memories? Are you really that cruel?"

He leaned back in his chair and waved a hand at her, smoothly changing tactics. He'd done this before and if she wasn't going to listen to his shrieking, he'd do this. He'd gotten head, gifts, beer, cigarettes and other things just by playing the emotionally wrecked guy.

"Whatever, fuck off," he said, shaking his head. "I never thought I'd find a way where I've got more morals than someone but here it is. Apparently, I just had to come to America."

"Fine," Caroline tossed her hair over her shoulder and frowned at his change of attitude. He was right, she should just leave. "But remember you told me to go when you miss me in five minutes."

"Don't even talk to me anymore," Nathan said, shaking his head and making a show of opening up one of his books and not reading it. "Whatever I might be, prick, dick, vile, screw up, moron, dumb, I, at least, don't manipulate people. Let's just hope I don't take a cue from you and start using information I have to get what I want."

Well that had her staying when she'd started to turn. "Oh please, like this isn't some manipulation on your part. Mister I Will Say Anything To Get In A Girl's Pants! You are such a liar, Nathan."

"You take off whatever you did to me or I swear, everyone here is going to know your secret in like two minutes," Nathan threatened, pretty serious about that.

"I took that whole thing rather well, I think but that wasn't permission for you to get all handsy and genie like with whatever you can do! You didn't even grant me three fucking wishes! Fucking gypped. I didn't even get to rub you to make you emerge. I didn't even get the fun stuff!"

Still, he stood up to show he was serious about blabbing about her secret. He had no qualms about sharing it with everyone.

"Dude, shut your big, stupid mouth and look at me or I can't do anything, okay?!" God, he was annoying and Caroline stepped closer to smack at Nathan's shoulder. "If you want me to fix you already, I need a little eye contact, not rubbing, you idiot!"

"Fine," he said, turning his attention to her since she seemed like she was going to do something and even if she didn't, this was totally an admission of guilt and he'd used that against her.

"Don't gyp me," he warned, shaking his head but keeping his eyes on her. "It's not very nice to play your mind games when the other person can't retaliate. I'm really a nice bloke, Caroline, and I know the sexual tension between us is simmering but you don't have to get all mad scientist on me."

"Ugh, there is no sexual tension here," Caroline told him, the blackness of her eyes growing as she turned on the compulsion. "Go ahead and remember our conversation, but don't you dare forget to shower every day, okay? I don't need the room smelling like unwashed jock straps."

"I do shower everyday, thank you," Nathan said, watching her eyes and then backing away when it seemed like she was done. "But, if you'd like to join me, feel free. We can just slip and slide against each other."

"Oh trust me, Nathan," Caroline said smoothly, hands settling on her hips. "I'll never be that desperate for water."

"Well, I don't really trust you right now," he admitted, waving his fingers at her in a vague illustration of why. "Never say never, though. That'll come back to bite you in the ass."

Or he'd bite her. One or the other.

"Whatever," Caroline huffed. "I'll have protection for you next week and then you can be safe with the knowledge that I'll never mess with your mind again. Even if you're a complete asshole who doesn't deserve the satisfaction of ever seeing my amazing underwear."

Nathan blew her a kiss and sat back down, reaching for the joke book. He felt a little better now knowing his mind was fine and knowing she wanted him.

Yeah, she did.

How to Be a Really Famous Actor (And Other Acting Tips), Friday, Period 1

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