fandomhigh | What NOT To Do In A Fight / Period III / Week I (Atreides/Deadpool)

Class was meeting - for today - in a standard classroom, instead of the Danger Shop as one might expect.

Deadpool had called dibs on the desk, using it to sit on like he was a politician in a commercial. One of the classy commercials that has the American flag waving in the background and a positive message. Not the ones where you say your opponent kicks babies into rabid puppies.

Because that was just wrong, man.

"Hi kids, I’m Deadpool. You might remember me from the radio. Or the bus. Or that time I thought I was Wolverine and ran around with no arms. That sucked, just so you guys know. Sucked hardcore. Animation changes are hell on you, ya hear me?"

"What my esteemed co-teacher is trying to say is that you also may recognize him as the vice-principal," Ghanima put in dryly. "As he wears many hats, in a metaphorical sense. He really only wears one costume."

No, Wade, that was not an invitation to wear funny hats to work.

"And I am Lady Ghanima Atreides, your other teacher. Some of you have taken my classes previously, but you may call me Lady Ghanima, Miss Ghanima, or Miss Atreides, whatever you are most comfortable with."

Deadpool was totally gonna wear an awesome hat just to spite you, Ghanima. "And this is what not to do in a fight."

Which, it seemed, meant he should lean over and slap Ghanima on the ass.

Ghanima responded instantly by smashing a back-elbow into his face and using her momentum to attempt to grab the back of his costume and throw him over her shoulder and down on to the floor. "Slapping," she said pleasantly. "Is for children throwing a tantrum and men who don't understand how to use their Big Boy Words."

"And chick fights!" Deadpool added from his spot on the floor. "Mmmm. Chick fights."

Ghanima nudged Deadpool with the toe of her boot. "Wade, try to keep your brain at a PG level. We have freshmen in the class."

Hopping back up onto his feet, Deadpool nodded at the class. "So, instead of that boring introduction crap, we’re gonna slap a clown. Because clowns aren’t really people. They’re hollow shells of human beings with no joy who live to strike fear into the minds of children. God, I hate clowns."

"The purpose of this class is to learn what not to do, so you can either get away, or take your opponent down as fast as possible," Ghanima continued, a smile tugging at her lips. "Hence, the clowns. They're going to pop right back up after you slap them, as a demonstration of how ineffective such a technique is."

"So let's move the desks out of the way and get started. If you feel you need a stronger reason why, you may attempt to slap either Deadpool or myself, as we both heal faster than standard humans. But be warned that you may end up bruised and in a humiliating position in front of your classmates for your attempt."

[OCD UP! HIT IT!]

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"By hitting me on the head in front of all of them?"

Zack was still blinking, but hey, he didn't seem all that bothered by the idea. Anything for the further education of his peers, right?

"Well, we'll just have to see what will work for the next class!"

Oh, Zack's noggin, it was dooooomed.

"Well, anything that you need me for..."

Doomed, but really, he didn't seem to mind all that much. It was a puppy thing.

"We'll be sure to kidnap ya for it," Deadpool assured him. "So... how are things?"

"Things?" Zack... did not just go pale, no. That would totally be your imagination. "They're... Um."

Well said, Zack.

"Did you ever do something and then get the feeling that maybe you kinda wished you could forget the whole thing?"

Because nobody had ever done something like that, right?

Deadpool thought that one over. "Yes, yes I have. Preeeetty sure that's about half my life there."

"Oh..." Zack scuffed his toe on the floor, and then squared his chin and decided to soldier bravely forward on this train of thought. "Have you ever... Uh... seen the future?"

"Which one?"

That got a blink, yeah.

"Your own, I guess?"

Zack had no idea!

"Yeeeah, we got a couple of those running around," Deadpool replied slowly. "Nate's from one of 'em."

"... Oh." More blinking. "Are they all really, really different from one another?"

His curiosity! He would show you it!

"No, they usually end up in some sort of horrible Apocalypse thanks to that Jono kid's clown lips. But you get used to it."

Well, there went the neighborhood. Whoever that Jono guy was, Zack was going to have to smack him. Like the punching bags!

"The one I saw was... kind of like that," he offered. "It was like every town we hit was totalled."

GOOD. Damn that Jono. With his no chest. GOD.

"Were people still alive?"

"Here and there," Zack replied, and then opened his mouth to say more, seemed to think better of it, closed his mouth again, and shrugged. "Some people were, yeah."

"Well, then it's not an entirely shitty future. Hope and all that." A beat. "But not Hope because that was a dumb name."

Zack blinked, but decided that maybe that was just another one of those charming-but-weird things about Deadpool that he'd just never understand.

"I guess there is that, huh? I mean, people were... starting to pick up the pieces together, in some places." He quirked a tired little smile. "Even my parents were still alive. Uh... Will still be alive?"

He didn't do this time travel thing often, clearly.

Deadpool sighed and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "We all want that pretty Disney future without anything bad happenin' in it, but the odds aren't really stacked in our favour. Sometimes, you just hafta work with what you're dealt and... keep working until you get something close."

"Yeah," Zack replied, heaving a sigh and looking down at his toes. "It's just... Sometimes, you have to feel for the people who aren't going to be there to keep working for it, right?"

"I'm pretty sure you have to have, like, no soul not to."

...where was Weasel these days? Oh, never mind that now.

Zack managed to get a tired little smile back onto his lips. He just felt wrong unless he was smiling, darn it.

Even at the worst possible moments.

"Anyhow, that's all... a while from now. About seven or eight years, I think, going by what my folks said."

"So, you can party like it's the end of days or... be like Nate and work to stop things."

Or end up causing them, but those were minor details.

Or die before anything really happened anyhow, which was kind of minor too, right?

"I think, if I have my way, I'll try to do what Cable's doing," Zack replied, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "Worrying about it isn't going to change anything, right?"

Minor in the grand scheme of Squinix crazy maybe.

"It'll just lead to brooding," Deadpool replied. "No one likes a brooder."

"I am totally not a brooder," Zack laughed. "I don't think I'd be able to get away with brooding, anyhow."

People would throw ice cream at him until he had some kind of sugar-related brain spasm.

Re: Talk to the Teachers

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