http://ivejustinvented.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomhigh2010-08-31 09:40 am
ivejustinvented.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2010-08-31 09:40 am
Entry tags:
The Mathmatics of Quantum Neutrino Fields; Tuesday, Period 4 [ 08/31 ].
Oh, joy. Another class of braindead idiot children to teach.
True, probably half of last semester's class were probably geniuses. That didn't matter. You had to be old and crotchety to earn that kind of intellectual respect. Farnsworth was fairly certain that this group was significantly lower in brainpower, just as they were lower in numbers. Not that he'd complain about that first part. At this rate, mathematically, next semester will be the semester he'd been hoping for, without a single soul in it.
With a wistful sigh, standing in front of the class room, that thought put a rare, happy smile on Farnsworth's face until he remembered where he was and instantly frowned again. Those impossibly youthful faces starting up at him, and he couldn't wait now to break them. Under his arm, he held an impressively large binder stuffed with papers, and, as he dropped it on the front desk with a loud whomp, he narrowed his eyes in distaste from behind his thick glasses. Which, of course, meant no one could probably even see the glare because they were so thick.
"This," he announced with the appropriate amount of surliness, "is the Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. In this class, I will teach you all about how you're all idiots, because the concepts we will be discussing are so expansive and important that it'll be far too much for your puny, developing minds to grasp and only emphasize the fact that you're doomed to a life of mediocrity and common stupidity."
Yes, it was the same speech as last time.
No, Farnsworth had no idea. He couldn't remember what he had for breakfast yesterday, much less what he had said in class last semester. It was all just an astonishing coincidink.
He flipped the binder open to the first page and gave the class what could have been a smile. It could have also have just been gas.
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"A neutrino is is an elementary particle that usually travels close to the speed of light, is electrically neutral, and is able to pass through ordinary matter almost undisturbed. Almost. We'll have to cover all the fun stuff that can happen when they do get disturbed; it ain't pretty, like that giant zit on your nose, dark haired girl in that chair over there. They have a very small, nonzero mass, just like your brains, and are very difficult to detect, like ninjas, or signs of intelligent life in this classroom.
"Neutrinos are created as a result of certain types of radioactive decay or nuclear reactions such as those that take place in the Sun, in nuclear reactors, or when cosmic rays hit atoms. There are three types, or 'flavours', of neutrinos, like there are three basic flavors of ice cream: the vanilla electron neutrinos, the chololate muon neutrinos and Chunky Monkey tau neutrinos; each type also has a corresponding antiparticle, called antineutrinos. Electron neutrinos, or vanilneutrinos, are generated whenever protons change into neutrons, or the other way around, they sort of go both ways like my aunt Patti, the two forms of beta decay. They are currently, in the future, working on developing a new flavour of neutrino, chocolate pecan rocky road, but I hear the going is a little rough. Interactions involving neutrinos are mediated by the weak interaction betw--"
Farnsworth paused. The pause dragged out for a long moment, until, finally, it ended with what sounded like a long snore. The man seemed to have fallen asleep mid-lecture, but, with a bit of a cough, jerked himself back up again and continued.
"Now, quantum mechanics..."
Luckily for this class, Farnsworth had a chance to hone his speech for the second semester. Unluckily for them, honing in this case meant making it even longer and more complex. It still had to fit inside the timeframe of an hour, of course, but that hour would be one of the longest hours of these students lives, or so help him, he wasn't doing his job! That, in itself, could potentially be a nice example of the base of what Farnsworth might be trying to get at, but, on the same token, not even Farnsworth knew what he was trying to get at, since he was making it up as he went along. Again. In almost exactly the same fashion as before.
Cyclical history. Another fine topic they may or may not be exposed to, based on the whims of a crazy old man.
"...which is how Lady Gaga came to exist and why George W. Bush really got elected into office. Now." Farnsworth's arthritic hands pulled out a huge stack of papers; he all but disappeared behind them, even after they whumped onto the desk. "Your homework for this week. If you've been paying attention, it should be no trouble at all. There are some basic formulas to help you solve some equations. Only twenty pages, should be a breeze! And I also expect all of you to have square the circle by next week; it's very important. Come on up and get your packet, and you're free to go for the day. If you have any questions or concerns, I'm sure you'll try to tell me about them, but please don't, because I don't care and you'll just be wasting your breath, which probably smells like halitosis, puberty, and dirty lies."
[[ OCD ison its way up. Unfortunately. ]]
True, probably half of last semester's class were probably geniuses. That didn't matter. You had to be old and crotchety to earn that kind of intellectual respect. Farnsworth was fairly certain that this group was significantly lower in brainpower, just as they were lower in numbers. Not that he'd complain about that first part. At this rate, mathematically, next semester will be the semester he'd been hoping for, without a single soul in it.
With a wistful sigh, standing in front of the class room, that thought put a rare, happy smile on Farnsworth's face until he remembered where he was and instantly frowned again. Those impossibly youthful faces starting up at him, and he couldn't wait now to break them. Under his arm, he held an impressively large binder stuffed with papers, and, as he dropped it on the front desk with a loud whomp, he narrowed his eyes in distaste from behind his thick glasses. Which, of course, meant no one could probably even see the glare because they were so thick.
"This," he announced with the appropriate amount of surliness, "is the Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. In this class, I will teach you all about how you're all idiots, because the concepts we will be discussing are so expansive and important that it'll be far too much for your puny, developing minds to grasp and only emphasize the fact that you're doomed to a life of mediocrity and common stupidity."
Yes, it was the same speech as last time.
No, Farnsworth had no idea. He couldn't remember what he had for breakfast yesterday, much less what he had said in class last semester. It was all just an astonishing coincidink.
He flipped the binder open to the first page and gave the class what could have been a smile. It could have also have just been gas.
"Let's get started, shall we?"
"A neutrino is is an elementary particle that usually travels close to the speed of light, is electrically neutral, and is able to pass through ordinary matter almost undisturbed. Almost. We'll have to cover all the fun stuff that can happen when they do get disturbed; it ain't pretty, like that giant zit on your nose, dark haired girl in that chair over there. They have a very small, nonzero mass, just like your brains, and are very difficult to detect, like ninjas, or signs of intelligent life in this classroom.
"Neutrinos are created as a result of certain types of radioactive decay or nuclear reactions such as those that take place in the Sun, in nuclear reactors, or when cosmic rays hit atoms. There are three types, or 'flavours', of neutrinos, like there are three basic flavors of ice cream: the vanilla electron neutrinos, the chololate muon neutrinos and Chunky Monkey tau neutrinos; each type also has a corresponding antiparticle, called antineutrinos. Electron neutrinos, or vanilneutrinos, are generated whenever protons change into neutrons, or the other way around, they sort of go both ways like my aunt Patti, the two forms of beta decay. They are currently, in the future, working on developing a new flavour of neutrino, chocolate pecan rocky road, but I hear the going is a little rough. Interactions involving neutrinos are mediated by the weak interaction betw--"
Farnsworth paused. The pause dragged out for a long moment, until, finally, it ended with what sounded like a long snore. The man seemed to have fallen asleep mid-lecture, but, with a bit of a cough, jerked himself back up again and continued.
"Now, quantum mechanics..."
Luckily for this class, Farnsworth had a chance to hone his speech for the second semester. Unluckily for them, honing in this case meant making it even longer and more complex. It still had to fit inside the timeframe of an hour, of course, but that hour would be one of the longest hours of these students lives, or so help him, he wasn't doing his job! That, in itself, could potentially be a nice example of the base of what Farnsworth might be trying to get at, but, on the same token, not even Farnsworth knew what he was trying to get at, since he was making it up as he went along. Again. In almost exactly the same fashion as before.
Cyclical history. Another fine topic they may or may not be exposed to, based on the whims of a crazy old man.
"...which is how Lady Gaga came to exist and why George W. Bush really got elected into office. Now." Farnsworth's arthritic hands pulled out a huge stack of papers; he all but disappeared behind them, even after they whumped onto the desk. "Your homework for this week. If you've been paying attention, it should be no trouble at all. There are some basic formulas to help you solve some equations. Only twenty pages, should be a breeze! And I also expect all of you to have square the circle by next week; it's very important. Come on up and get your packet, and you're free to go for the day. If you have any questions or concerns, I'm sure you'll try to tell me about them, but please don't, because I don't care and you'll just be wasting your breath, which probably smells like halitosis, puberty, and dirty lies."
[[ OCD is
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/31.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/31.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/31.
Re: Sign In -- M.o.Q.N.F., 08/31.