Arching 101, Thursday, Period Seven

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

Today, the students had been handwavily notified to meet in the Danger Shop, which was set up to look like an office building. There was an android receptionist behind the desk, there was a line of uncomfortable plastic chairs for them to sit in, and their teachers were standing next to a watercooler arguing about something that sounded like 'Smurf estrus' in hushed tones. As soon as the last student arrived, their broke off their conversation and turned towards their class.

"So far, we've shown you how glamorous the life of a henchperson or supervillain can be," 21 said, sounding completely sincere as he said that. "However, today we have to introduce you to the one of the less truly awesome sides of being involved in the arching business."

"Now we don't mean getting chewed on by cloned were-dinosaurs or watching your fellows get turned in to pupae or getting viciously murdered by Brock Samson," 24 cautioned. "Those things, while bad, are still pretty awesome. Especially the Brock Samson part."

21 nodded vigorously. "Dude, he's, like, amazingly awesome. It's an honor to be killed by him. Seriously." He paused for a moment and then said with exaggerated casualness, "We're cool."

They both looked out at the class, their expressions suggesting they hoped their students realized what a signature honor it was to be taught by henchmen who were cool with Brock Samson.

"Anyway, leaving Brock Samson aside for now--" 24 began.

"He makes a mullet look good," 21 sighed.

"Leaving him aside, I said--" 24 continued, irritated (though willing to concede the mullet point) "--today we're going to discuss the Guild of Calamitous Intent. Established in 1910, the Guild is the largest of all the supervillain organizations; in fact, it's got more members and staff than the The Peril Partnership, the Fraternity of Torment and all unlicensed villains combined. Of course, it also has more rules than all three combined. There's a full rulebook that all members must adhere to and abide by, as well as dues and sponsor-ship fees to pay. What the Guild does is take the applications of those who are looking for licensed aggression and match them up with villains of the appropriate rank and level."

"So why bother with all that?" 21 asked. "Several reasons. First of all, the Guild is a juggernaut. Sure, you could try to arch on your own, but if you begin arching someone who already has a contract with the Guild, they won't hesitate to send someone out to work you over. Plus, they offer insurance to all members, which is good because if a week goes by without your bones being turned into butter or your skin turning inside out, you're not doing your job."

"Also, belonging to the Guild is actually a something of a civic service. They spend a lot of time and effort making sure nemeses are matched correctly. Unlicensed aggression can lead to disregarding of treaties, improperly matched animosity, or inappropriate behavior. Guild certification goes a long way to making someone a name brand villain. With Guild certification comes respect, ladies and gentlemen."

"And street cred!" 21 said. "We totally have street cred!"

"We do!" 24 agreed. "They also provide quality control. No one wants a substandard nemesis, am I right? If the either party fails to provide first-rate, quality menace, the Guild steps in and...takes care of things." The class probably didn't need "dun dun DUN!" that 21 provided, but again, they were Guild henchmen. They went above and beyond.

"Today, we're going to show you the process of applying for Guild membership," 21 said as 24 began handing out clipboards. "As soon as you're done filling out your resume, pass it to Leslie-bot here and pass beyond this door to the shadowy world beyond."

The door being referred to in a dramatic and sepulchral tone of voice as 21 could manage was a plain, faux-wood door. Next to a house plant.

[Wait for OCD up!]

Comments

Sign in #4

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

Filling out paperwork!

Re: Sign in #4

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex Karev

Listen to the Lecture

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

It is very informative!

...Ish.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

These guys were strange but they were an entertaining strange. Alex liked listening to them for the amusement factor alone. That was one way to get him not to zone out during class.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[wwiii]

Warren was going to default to doing what he usually did through these lectures, and he was going to stare. And stare.

And maybe stare some more, for good measure.

There was a Guild?

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[life_inshadow]

This was completely insane. Tara had decided to just take the class as one long, surreal joke, and on that level she kinda dug it. It was like falling into the kind of Saturday morning cartoon her mom always said would rot her brain.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

Peter absolutely loved this class.

Entirely at the expense of his instructors.

Re: Listen to the Lecture

[angelo_wings]

Rinoa was sad they couldn't meet this Brock Samson.

What? She had a thing for mercenaries.

Fill Out Your Resume.

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

Name:

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain
Henchperson

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople):

Powers, if any:

Preferred Weapons:

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you):

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities:

Why are you Applying Today?:

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details:

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Name: Alex Karev

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain ✓
Henchperson

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): Sir Sicko/Sicko Brigade

Powers, if any: Power of Awesome, Power of Devastation

Preferred Weapons: Fists, baseball bats, two by fours, hot coffee

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): Evil, insane doctor

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: No

Why are you Applying Today?: I had a dream and the dream told me to apply. I always listen to my dreams.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: I wiped out an entire town on the west coast by kidnapping them one by one, giving them bad plastic surgery, wiping their memories and sending them back out into the world. It was fun.

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[wwiii]

Name: Warren Worthington III

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain ✓
Henchperson

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): Archangel / The Cherubim

Powers, if any: (Indecipherable squiggle)

Preferred Weapons: Money and whatever it can buy.

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): Feathered Wings

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: Not me, personally. I'm certain that the Warren Worthington IIIs from other realities across the multiverse have.

Why are you Applying Today?: Delusions of grandeur. Insurance.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: Raising a flock of homicidal flamingos to wreak their wrath and destruction upon the innocent.

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[life_inshadow]

Name: Tara Maclay

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain
Henchperson ✓

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): Black Wiccan/The Dark Magicks

Powers, if any: Basic magic, telekinesis.

Preferred Weapons: N/A

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): Spiders! Like, cute goth spiders, not gross ones.

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: Nope!

Why are you Applying Today?: Because I have to for class.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: My girlfriend turned into a hedgehog last week & I let her eat way more candy than was good for her.

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

Name: Peter Bishop

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain
Henchperson ✓

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): Number 13, The Chessmen

Powers, if any: The Ability to Walk in a straight diagonal line.

Preferred Weapons: Lasers.

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): Chess

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: Maybe.

Why are you Applying Today?: Because of the great benefits.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: Mislabelling an entire shipment of all-beef franks as vegan tofu dogs at a Whole Foods in Boston, MA.

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[dontvotemeout]

Name: Jason Todd

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain ✓
Henchperson

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): Black Robin

Powers, if any: Strength, agility, super intelligence.

Preferred Weapons: Fists, explosives.

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): Stealth and mysteriousness.

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: No.

Why are you Applying Today?: Retirement benefits and health insurance.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: Stealing the tires of my archenemy's car so he couldn't escape from me.

Re: Fill Out Your Resume.

[angelo_wings]

Name: Rinoa Heartilly

Are You A (Please Check Only One):
Supervillain ✓
Henchperson

Supervillain Name/Rank and Name of Organization (Henchpeople): The Sorceress / Wings

Powers, if any: elemental magic, forbidden magic, flight, telekinesis, ability to look very cute in a short ivory dress

Preferred Weapons: blaster edge, current upgrade: The Cardinal

Theme (Please note, we are not excepting any more circus themes at this time. If your theme is found to be circus-related, you will be escorted from the ground by attack dogs. Thank you): feathers, wings, long sweeping dresses with lots of cleavage -- basic sorceress stuff

Have You Been Known by Any Previous Names or Identities: Princess of the Timber Owls, Rinoa Caraway

Why are you Applying Today?: Because I'm worth it.

What has been your most villainous act to date. Please be specific and use details: Failed assassination attempt on the ruler of Galbadia. And I made a SeeD dance with me when he pretended he didn't want to, and now he's madly in love with me.

The Interview

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

After filling out your resume and handing it to Leslie-bot, go through the door.

The room you enter is cavernous, made of huge slabs of black basalt. The floor is made from molten lava, glowing a sullen red, save for a thin walkway leading out to a small island in the center of the room. The lava is restless, moving and seething in its basin, and thick lines of lava flow up the walls in channels carved in the basalt.

On the island, at the end of a large black marble table, sits a screen. A glowing red face (http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2009/08/VB009.jpg) leers down at you.

"TAKE A SEAT," it roars. "THE INTERVIEW WILL NOW BEGIN."

Re: The Interview

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex handed his resume to Leslie-bot and, after the loud voice, took a seat and tried to look cocky and relaxed.

Re: The Interview

[wwiii]

Warren really had to admit, the lava was an interesting interior decorating choice.

He managed a shrug as he pulled up a chair, taking an extra moment to reposition his wings so that he wasn't sitting on any stray feathers, and clasped his hands in front of himself, looking about as attentive as he'd ever get.

"I like what you've done with the place."

He wanted to get the hell out of there.

Re: The Interview

[life_inshadow]

"Okay?" Tara said, in a very small voice, and sat down. The space was impressive: She was resisting the urge to drop the contents of her pockets into the lava to see what would happen.

Re: The Interview

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

"I think maybe we can agree to use inside voices?" Peter said, sitting down.

Re: The Interview

[angelo_wings]

The room's colors were depressing, but Rinoa could adjust. She put her hands on her knees and waited for her interview to begin.

THE FINAL TEST!!!

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

After the interview is finished, you leave back down via the walkway and exit through the same door. However, rather than entering the waiting area again, the door opens to a jungle scene. Hanging over a broad river are four figures, all tied up and at your mercy: two grown men and two teenage boys (http://images1.cliqueclack.com/tv/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/vbdvd3.jpg). Next to you is a lever that will drop the four of them into the river which is teeming with alligators, and, worse yet, The Dreaded Candiru (http://venturefans.org/vbwiki/The_Venture_Bros._Villains#Dreaded_Candiru). All of a sudden, the sandy-haired boy begins to scream.

21 comes over to stand next to you, and explains Rusty's Law (http://venturefans.org/vbwiki/Rusty%27s_Law). "Pop quiz, hot shot! What do you do?" he asks. "WHAT DO YOU DO?!"

Re: THE FINAL TEST!!!

[wwiii]

"I have my minions put the younger two into a different room. With donuts to keep them conveniently distracted while I keep lowering the two older guys into the river," Warren attempted.

"Maybe I have my attack flamingos keep watch over the teenagers, to make sure that they don't try any funny stuff..."

Aftermath

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

You leave via the door again and find the waiting room.

Sit, chat, describe your experience. Wait to hear if you're accepted into the Guild.

Re: Aftermath

[wwiii]

Ah, the waiting room. The cornerstone for society since the dawn of organized business.

Warren rolled his eyes, took a seat, and buried his face in his hand. At least this was a simulation. At least this was a simulation.

... Okay. He felt better.

OOC

[licensedtoarch.livejournal.com]

I DID NOT FORGET! YES!

Re: OOC

[theotherpeter.livejournal.com]

Epic.