fandomhigh | Library [03/10]

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Library [03/10]

Once the library was set up for the day, Sam planted himself at the desk with a notebook, and got back to writing down everything he could remember from the weekend. Sure, his dad had said there was nothing to worry about, but that was what he always said, like it ever had a chance of convincing Sam to leave everything in his dad's hands. If there was even the slightest chance that this whole destiny thing with Lucifer was true, he needed to be ready to stop it...or to make sure people like Dean and Peter knew what to do if he couldn't.

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"I should have realized it was not truly you," Raven said, frowning. "But the arguments you -- he -- made were not entirely without merit. Who was he?"

"I still looked like myself, so you couldn't have known right away that it wasn't me," Sam said, shaking his head sharply. "Nothing he said had any merit, none at all. You shouldn't listen to any of it, just trust me." He wasn't sure if admitting who he'd been would make things better, or worse.

"He knew who I was," Raven said, looking down at her hands and playing with her rings. "What I was. How did he know that?"

Sam frowned, not wanting to see her look so uncomfortable. "Because he was--I was Lucifer," he said quietly. "Like, the devil Lucifer."

Raven's eyes widened. "Oh," she said. "Then I will definitely not heed his advice. He would steer me toward evil and chaos."

Sam nodded emphatically. "I'm so sorry. I think that's exactly what he wanted. I--you know I'll support you no matter what you want to do, but I really think you'd be better off using your gifts the way you are. I'm really sorry. I've never wanted to mess with you, I swear."

"Of course not," Raven said. "Please, do not feel guilty. Anything Lucifer said or did was not your fault at all. You have nothing to apologize for." It distressed her more that Sam was so upset than what Lucifer had said to her.

"I wish my guilt was something I could just turn off, but I don't really work that way," Sam said with a sigh. "I'm just glad you're okay, and that he didn't hurt you."

"Did he harm anyone else?" Raven had to ask. "What did he want, do you know?"

"He didn't hurt anyone, just messed with them," Sam said. "He was planning the end of the world." Sam sighed. "You know, typical evil stuff."

"Then he would indeed wish me to submit to my father," Raven said. "It is good I would not act without thinking. But he is gone now, and I am more concerned about you. You should not punish yourself for something you had no control over. It was not like if you were turned into a girl but still yourself -- you were someone else entirely, and your will was not your own." She moved closer and laid a gentle hand on his arm. "You are blameless in this, Sam."

"You know, I had every intention of comforting you when I saw you, not the other way around," Sam said with a hint of a smile. "It would be different if I was someone completely random, but Lucifer knew me. It's hard to feel like that wasn't somehow my fault."

"I am distressed that I did not realize it was not you," Raven admitted, "but I am unharmed. And you did not invite Lucifer to take over your body, so you are not at fault. The fact that he knew you is disturbing, but that may be because of what you family does...?"

"No one realized it wasn't me at first. Everyone thought I was just dressed nice for once," Sam said with a smirk, although the expression didn't last for long. "He told Chuck that it's my destiny to be taken over and that...he made it sound like I'd agreed to it. That's crazy, right?"

Raven frowned, her brow wrinkling with worry. "That does not make sense at all," she said. "You would never agree to something like that. Perhaps he was only saying that to try to make you believe it."

"Maybe. That's what I'm hoping," Sam said. "I would never agree to that, not when it would put literally everyone I care about in danger." He sighed, and shook his head. "Sometimes I really hate it when this place goes weird."

"As do I," Raven agreed softly. "But you know that I will do anything I can to help you so that it does not ever happen, and I am certain your family and other friends would do the same."

"I know. And I really appreciate that," Sam said. "I just have to get used to letting you guys help, I guess."

"You have no choice in that," Raven pointed out with a smile. "You must just accept it."

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Library [03/10]

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