fandomhigh | Library [12/03]

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Library [12/03]

It had been almost a month since the explosion and Sam still wasn't sleeping well, so he'd headed to the library even earlier than usual today. (It was that or pretend to sleep so Illyria would have something to watch, and that still hadn't gotten less creepy.) Luckily, he'd been working in the library for so long that he could slip into autopilot when getting ready for the day, and finish everything without having to think.

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"That's true," Sam admitted. "You're both more logical, and impossible to read sometimes too." Not that Sam tried that a lot with Chuck or anything.

"Yeah, well, if there's one thing my father taught me, it's to never let people know what you're really thinking," Chuck said. "You don't want to give anybody an easy way to take you down."

That was also the moral lesson from The Godfather but it sounded much better coming out of Bart Bass' mouth.

"Maybe, but you're not always around people who want to take you down," Sam said. "Sometimes, you shouldn't have to worry about that."

"You can never be too sure. My father doesn't even trust his own brother." Probably for good reason. Uncle Jack was borderline crazy. "Besides, it's not like I have to think about it or anything. Just comes naturally by now."

"Just like I bet it does with Castiel. Although, he was probably created that way," Sam said thoughtfully. "I guess it's good that you get along with each other so well."

"It's kind of screwed up but it works," Chuck said with a shrug. It's not like he was used to having normal relationships anyway.

He took a sip of his own hot chocolate and when he spoke next, he was saying the entire thing to the cup rather than to Sam. "I know we just spent time talking about how much of a failure I am when it comes to the whole emotional thing, and that it doesn't concern me anyway, but if you wanted to talk about what was bothering you, I mean, I'll listen. I care, you know."

"I know you do," Sam said, although honestly, he hadn't been completely sure about that until Chuck had said it first. "I like talking to you because you make me think about everything else except for what's bothering me. I don't want to bring you down or anything. I'd feel bad about that."

"You shouldn't," he said. "I mean, you've listened to me talking about my emotional baggage enough. It comes with the whole friends territory. I want to do whatever makes you feel better."

Somehow, knowing that Chuck thought they were friends too made Sam feel better enough to open up.

"The guy who killed Peter is still alive," he said. "I mean, he's the one who gave Peter the power than made him explode and...I don't know, I guess I just assumed it would hurt him too. But it didn't, and he's still out there."

"Oh." Chuck still didn't exactly know to how to react to the whole people with powers thing. It seemed a lot harder to get revenge when it came to them. "So, what, you want to go after him?"

"I--yes," Sam admitted. "But I don't think it'd do any good. He's too powerful. I mean, if Peter couldn't stop him...I'm not strong enough, not like that."

Chuck frowned slightly, not exactly liking the sound of that, but he didn't want to discourage Sam from going after the guy. He didn't have any moral ground to stand on when it came to putting people off revenge. "It's not like anybody is going to let you go alone if you do decide to go after him."

"They will if I don't tell them I'm going," Sam said plainly. "Getting rid of Sylar is my responsibility, not anyone else's."

"How is it your responsibility alone? Look, I'm no great supporter of teamwork but even I know when to get help," Chuck said. "If this Sylar guy is the psycho you're making him out to be then going after him alone seems like a truly stupid and painful way to get killed."

"If I don't succeed, I don't want anyone else getting killed with me," Sam said. That might have sounded healthier in his head.

Chuck's eyes widened. "Are you listening to yourself right now? What if Dean said something like that to you?"

"Don't bring Dean into this," Sam said with a scowl. "He wouldn't understand."

"He's your brother, he's going to be brought into it whether you want it to happen or not," Chuck pointed out.

"He's not here," Sam explained. "He's got his own hunting to do, and I don't want to get him involved in anything really dangerous."

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "It's a good thing you'll probably end up dead because if Dean found out that was the logic for going out alone then he'd kill you himself."

Well. At least Chuck was getting creative with the tough love now.

"I'm not going after Sylar until it's more likely he's the one who'll end up dead," Sam said, glaring a little. "There's no point in telling Dean, or anyone else, until I'm ready."

"Fine," Chuck said, sighing lightly. "Just...keep in mind there are people who would care a lot if you were gone. Think about that before you decide to go at it alone?"

A week from now Chuck will have no recollection of saying this. Really.

Sam smiled softly, not expecting anything like that from Chuck, of all people. "Okay, fine. I'll think about it, I promise."

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