DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

[siriuslyscarred.livejournal.com]

Today the classroom's ceiling was enchanted a cheery blue and the windows were open to let in the breeze. The guests of the week were slightly...well, rank.

"In our first class, zombies were mentioned as being an example of a dark art," Sirius began, giving their exhibits a slightly wary look. But it stopped him from staring rudely at the class. "And while some of the zombies in this town play musical instruments," which was still bloody odd, "that is hardly the, er, preferred career choice for the shuffling undead."

"No, the undead tend to find employment...er, such as it is, under the direction of functioning, living evil creatures. In our world, they're called Inferi, and they serve as dormant guards, until they're disturbed," Remus said. "They they drag their victim down to smother him or her, or drown, as the case may be. Zombies in general, however, from what we've learned in our time here, are often the victims of a sort of virus. Being bitten by a zombie will infect the victim with the condition as well, and since zombies feed on human flesh, it's a cycle of constant biting and infecting. I imagine this is why this genre of film is so popular -- it's a perfect formula."

Sirius nodded. "Though why the people at a dead sprint always lose to things that are losing their limbs remains a mystery for the ages. The lesson to glean from this, children, is that the dead should stay dead. This--" he jerked a thumb toward the Inferi, "--is no way to come back." He clasped his hands together. "Today we offer you two options for interaction: taping back our poor friends' parts onto themselves, or working on a breathing mask so that the smell doesn't knock you out."

"And, ladies and...." Remus stared at the class for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing, "well, gentlemen, we have extra credit for you this week. If you get a chance, go down to the bar and try to interview the zombies in the band there. We're not sure what they'll have to say, but they'll be a different experience from our Inferi."

Comments

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"As I'll ever be, I think," Alex said, glancing over and having no idea who was talking to him. He'd kind of figured out what was going on but he still couldn't pick out who was who. People needed nametags. "You got experience with this kind of thing?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"With zombies or with taping them up?" Didi asked cheerfully. "I have to say, normally they don't want to be taped. They get too focused on eating brains."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"...that answers my question," Alex said and made a face. "Have a lot of encounters with zombies?"

If this were a few months ago, Alex would be thinking this guy was insane but now...now he just figured that whoever this was came from some weird ass place.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"A couple," Didi said. "Not, like, an excessive number. There aren't all that many of them and it's not like they're great at conversation."

"... I'm guessing you're at zero, except the ones in the bar?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"We don't get these where I'm from," Alex said even if he'd called a few people he didn't like zombie whores or some variation before. "We have corn."

Oh, Iowa, land of nothing.

Alex still couldn't place who this was and he knew that'd bother him until he did but he refused to ask, having too much ego for that. He'd just continue trying to figure it out with context hints.

"Guessing duct tape is the best one to use?" he suggested. "Seems like the strongest tape."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"There's nothing wrong with corn," Didi said. She could tell he had no idea who she was, and she decided to go with that. (Though the ankh and the black clothes might help, even if she had decided not to bother with the eye of horus today.)

"Duct tape," she decided. "It holds the universe together." She looked a little squeamish. "I guess one of us holds and the other person tapes?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex just needed to wake up and look at things like that. His brain was a little slow at the moment, weighed down by his own issues and the stench of zombies. He'd get there soon when he remembered he'd talked to Didi before.

"Rock scissor paper for the honor of holding the zombie?" Alex suggested.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Rock paper scissors," Didi said, bringing her (weirdly large, actually) hands behind her back. "On three?"

She was going to throw paper. He seemed like the rock type to her.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

He was totally the rock type. Not creative at all with games like this. "On three," he said, nodding and wiggling his fingers in preparation.

"One. Two," he said, leaving the last one for her.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Three," she said, and threw paper, just as she'd planned to.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex tossed rock out and immediately started cursing when he realized he'd lost.

"I swear to God, if these things leave a permanent stench on me," he grumbled. "Which part do you wanna start with?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Relax, you can shower," Didi advised, which was probably easy for her to sday. "I think big parts first? That one lost an arm."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Thanks for the pep talk," he said dryly, steeling himself before he picked up the arm and made a face. "You're not normally a guy, are you?"

Maybe he could make small talk and ignore the fact that he was holding a zombie's arm.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Nope," Didi said, wrapping the arm joint firmly with tape and trying not to get too close, thank you very much. "Should I say my name or do you want to guess?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Don't tell me yet," Alex requested, keeping the arm steady and making another face. "Like it? Being a guy, I mean."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"It's not what I would choose, but it could be worse," Didi said. "Did you like being a girl, or did you get out of that one?"

She cut off the tape and stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Leg or fingers next?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"No, I ended up a girl," he said, smirking and picked up the fingers as an answer to her other question. "It wasn't too bad. Had to get used to the rack. Goddamn things are sensitive as hell."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Try having a dick all of a sudden," said Didi, who was made of sympathy. "it's just bizarre."

She tried to wrap the tape around the fingers. "... I think the skin's coming off."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Nothing wrong with a sudden dick," he said but then again, he'd had one for a year. "Haven't experimented yet?"

He was just going to...ignore the skin. Okay, no, he was going to close his eyes and hold the skin in place for Didi to tape up.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

Didi would hope he'd had his dick for more than a year. The alternative was a little disturbing.

She shook her head. "I live with a boy. I really don't need to wake him up that way." Plus, she just wasn't all that interested.

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"First thing I did was experiment," he said and then LOLOLOL at his mun's bad typing SKILLZ. "Wasn't so bad. That's what bathrooms are for."

Well, he'd also went and found someone willing to help too. Worked out.

"How'd your roommate react?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"Haven't talked to Jaime yet," Didi shrugged. "The bathroom? Seriously? You went there for private time?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"At first," he said, having no shame. "And then I went and found someone who was willing to experiment. That way worked better."

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[living_endless]

"We need to tape the foot on now," Didi said, having all but mummified the hand with tape. She let go of the area gingerly and crouched, looking up at Alex from under her bangs.

"Charming. So do you always tell people about your sex life the second time you talk to them?"

Re: Tape Up Zombies!

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Depends on the person," he said, sighing and reaching for the foot. Gross. Those toenails were gross. "I don't really care what the topic of conversation is. Sex is something I'm comfortable with."