fandomhigh | DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

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DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

Today the classroom's ceiling was enchanted a cheery blue and the windows were open to let in the breeze. The guests of the week were slightly...well, rank.

"In our first class, zombies were mentioned as being an example of a dark art," Sirius began, giving their exhibits a slightly wary look. But it stopped him from staring rudely at the class. "And while some of the zombies in this town play musical instruments," which was still bloody odd, "that is hardly the, er, preferred career choice for the shuffling undead."

"No, the undead tend to find employment...er, such as it is, under the direction of functioning, living evil creatures. In our world, they're called Inferi, and they serve as dormant guards, until they're disturbed," Remus said. "They they drag their victim down to smother him or her, or drown, as the case may be. Zombies in general, however, from what we've learned in our time here, are often the victims of a sort of virus. Being bitten by a zombie will infect the victim with the condition as well, and since zombies feed on human flesh, it's a cycle of constant biting and infecting. I imagine this is why this genre of film is so popular -- it's a perfect formula."

Sirius nodded. "Though why the people at a dead sprint always lose to things that are losing their limbs remains a mystery for the ages. The lesson to glean from this, children, is that the dead should stay dead. This--" he jerked a thumb toward the Inferi, "--is no way to come back." He clasped his hands together. "Today we offer you two options for interaction: taping back our poor friends' parts onto themselves, or working on a breathing mask so that the smell doesn't knock you out."

"And, ladies and...." Remus stared at the class for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing, "well, gentlemen, we have extra credit for you this week. If you get a chance, go down to the bar and try to interview the zombies in the band there. We're not sure what they'll have to say, but they'll be a different experience from our Inferi."

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"There's nothing wrong with corn," Didi said. She could tell he had no idea who she was, and she decided to go with that. (Though the ankh and the black clothes might help, even if she had decided not to bother with the eye of horus today.)

"Duct tape," she decided. "It holds the universe together." She looked a little squeamish. "I guess one of us holds and the other person tapes?"

Alex just needed to wake up and look at things like that. His brain was a little slow at the moment, weighed down by his own issues and the stench of zombies. He'd get there soon when he remembered he'd talked to Didi before.

"Rock scissor paper for the honor of holding the zombie?" Alex suggested.

"Rock paper scissors," Didi said, bringing her (weirdly large, actually) hands behind her back. "On three?"

She was going to throw paper. He seemed like the rock type to her.

He was totally the rock type. Not creative at all with games like this. "On three," he said, nodding and wiggling his fingers in preparation.

"One. Two," he said, leaving the last one for her.

"Three," she said, and threw paper, just as she'd planned to.

Alex tossed rock out and immediately started cursing when he realized he'd lost.

"I swear to God, if these things leave a permanent stench on me," he grumbled. "Which part do you wanna start with?"

"Relax, you can shower," Didi advised, which was probably easy for her to sday. "I think big parts first? That one lost an arm."

"Thanks for the pep talk," he said dryly, steeling himself before he picked up the arm and made a face. "You're not normally a guy, are you?"

Maybe he could make small talk and ignore the fact that he was holding a zombie's arm.

"Nope," Didi said, wrapping the arm joint firmly with tape and trying not to get too close, thank you very much. "Should I say my name or do you want to guess?"

"Don't tell me yet," Alex requested, keeping the arm steady and making another face. "Like it? Being a guy, I mean."

"It's not what I would choose, but it could be worse," Didi said. "Did you like being a girl, or did you get out of that one?"

She cut off the tape and stepped back to admire her handiwork. "Leg or fingers next?"

"No, I ended up a girl," he said, smirking and picked up the fingers as an answer to her other question. "It wasn't too bad. Had to get used to the rack. Goddamn things are sensitive as hell."

"Try having a dick all of a sudden," said Didi, who was made of sympathy. "it's just bizarre."

She tried to wrap the tape around the fingers. "... I think the skin's coming off."

"Nothing wrong with a sudden dick," he said but then again, he'd had one for a year. "Haven't experimented yet?"

He was just going to...ignore the skin. Okay, no, he was going to close his eyes and hold the skin in place for Didi to tape up.

Didi would hope he'd had his dick for more than a year. The alternative was a little disturbing.

She shook her head. "I live with a boy. I really don't need to wake him up that way." Plus, she just wasn't all that interested.

"First thing I did was experiment," he said ~~and then LOLOLOL at his mun's bad typing SKILLZ~~. "Wasn't so bad. That's what bathrooms are for."

Well, he'd also went and found someone willing to help too. Worked out.

"How'd your roommate react?"

"Haven't talked to Jaime yet," Didi shrugged. "The bathroom? Seriously? You went there for private time?"

"At first," he said, having no shame. "And then I went and found someone who was willing to experiment. That way worked better."

"We need to tape the foot on now," Didi said, having all but mummified the hand with tape. She let go of the area gingerly and crouched, looking up at Alex from under her bangs.

"Charming. So do you always tell people about your sex life the second time you talk to them?"

"Depends on the person," he said, sighing and reaching for the foot. Gross. Those toenails were gross. "I don't really care what the topic of conversation is. Sex is something I'm comfortable with."

"Good for you," Didi decided, since it wasn't like she cared all that much. He wasn't asking her to reciprocate or anything.

"Hey, if you hold the foot by the heel it'll be at a better angle for the tape."

"You're that girl from the roof," he said, finally remembering where he'd seen the similarities before and remembered her being in class and being in black.

It took Alex a moment more to get a hold of foot by the heel and hope skin didn't come off in his hands.

"Yep," she said, grinning as she tried to tape the foot up quickly. "And look, I didn't get crazy cooties on you."

"Even if you had, I think the zombie stench would have killed them," he said, letting go of the foot and shaking his hand out. "You're handling the guy thing a lot better than most everyone else."

Didi shrugged. "I'm not in pain, and it's not like freaking out will make me turn back faster."

DADA for Muggles [Wednesday, September 23rd, 5th period]

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