fandomhigh | Ethics [Thursday, September 3, 1st period]

Anakin walked into his classroom precisely on time and gave the students assembled there an appraising glance as the door clicked shut behind him. If you were late, you weren't getting in. "I'm Master Skywalker," he said in a voice that was intended to carry, "this is Ethics, and we're going to skip the introductions--I'll figure out who you are--and move straight to our first discussion."

He paced around the room, cloak flaring out behind him, as he handed out the syllabus. "Today's topic," he said, pointing to the top of the page. "Self sacrifice: knowing the difference between saving people and being a pretentious twit."

"Any time I ask a a group of people what they would do to save someone they love, they all blither on about how they would set the world on fire, lie, cheat, steal, kill, die, et cetera, et cetera. I've been at this school too long to believe that half of you haven't already been put into this situation and I'm in no mood to hear adolescent ramblings about how wonderful you were or might hypothetically be. Instead I want you to give me a concrete example of a time you admitted to yourself that a problem cannot be solved, and that to sacrificing yourself wasn't a statement, but merely pointless?" His gaze swept the room. "How long does it take for you to realize you can't fix everything by yourself?"

He would hear the replies and choose his TAs from there.

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"I do not think I have encountered a situation like this yet," Raven said quietly. "I can imagine such a thing might happen, but I have yet to confront sacrificing myself or not."

Losing control of herself in the other Fandom wasn't quite the same. That was a mistake, but not a conscious sacrifice.

Anakin was not going to contradict her in front of a class of her peers, so he nodded along with her answer. "But you come to people for aid before things get completely out of hand," he pointed out. "Stubbornness is not your failing."

"I can be stubborn when it comes to offering my help to others," Raven said, thinking of the day before. "I cannot understand why some people cling to their pain when I can so easily take it from them, or aid them in finding an emotional release."

"Well, pain is sometimes necessary," Karla said, even though a lot of her agreed with Raven. "There's a difference between wallowing in it and keeping it close as a reminder."

She frowned, trying to put her thoughts into coherent words. Someone was pretty damn exhausted today. "Pain is the body's way of acting as a warning. Some people prefer to keep that warning, as a reminder to never do something that will lead to the same circumstances that caused to that pain originally. Part of it depends on whether what they are using that pain for, I guess."

Her voice got softer and she glanced away. "For some people, pain is the only thing that truly belongs to them. They cling to it because it's the only constant they have. It's theirs in a way their minds or bodies may no longer be."

"I think I can understand the first part of what you said," Raven said. "But not the second. Desiring pain is...wrong." Yes, someone was still having issues with what vampire Max had done to her, but she didn't want to linger on that topic.

"What if the pain or discord in another's mind is a danger to those around them?" She gave Karla a meaningful look, knowing she would realize exactly who she was talking about.

"It isn't," Karla disagreed immediately. She understood Raven's feelings and sympathized, but still had to argue a bit. "Desiring pain can be a symptom of unhealthy feelings or urges, but it doesn't have to be. Some people just enjoy the endorphin rush that pain can cause. And, under controlled and trustworthy environments, it is not a danger." Out of deference for Raven's experience--and her own comfort--Karla wasn't going to go further into that.

"But what I had meant was..." Karla tried to find a way to put this delicately for the class. "Sometimes, when awful things happen to people, they feel powerless. They can even feel as if their own bodies have betrayed them. Pain is the only thing that is still theirs, whether because it is something they can control, or because it's the only thing they feel is pure within them. It isn't an entirely healthy feeling, but it's better than taking it away from them, leaving them to feel as if they have nothing. They have emotional healing to go, first."

As for Raven's second point, and Darkness did she know who Raven meant, Karla just sighed. "Sometimes it's more complicated than we may know, from the outside. Sometimes that pain isn't just something that will go away. And sometimes it's a sign that the treatment they are getting needs to be stepped up a bit." She couldn't say anything more; Black Widow oaths constrained her tongue, but she nodded at Raven, once. Hopefully that would be enough.

Raven nodded back but held her tongue. She still couldn't understand, and she wasn't sure she ever could, but she wasn't sure if it was her healer's soul or some form of denial. Whichever one, she definitely didn't want to discuss it further here. Instead she rested her chin on her hands, listening to the rest of the class offer their examples and trying to learn from their words.

Elena hesitated, hoping it wasn't rude to interrupt, before taking a moment to add her thoughts.

"Some of my pain is ... well, mine," she said, carefully. "It's people I've lost, or mistakes I've made. I wouldn't want to let go of all of it. It's part of who I am. It makes me appreciate what I have all the more. I wouldn't say that I desire it, necessarily, but I'd resist it being taken from me."

She noticed the look between the two, and wondered for a moment about the undercurrents to the conversation she didn't comprehend.

"Memories can bring pain, I understand that," Raven said. "And removing the memories or what you've learned from them would be wrong. What I struggle with is those who are hurting but push away offers to help, whether it be physical injury or mental anguish."

She hoped Professor Skywalker would not be upset that they had derailed the topic of the day. She was also a bit oblivious to the fact that she had done the same in the past -- pushing people away -- because her pain was different, naturally.

Elena frowned, thinking of Tseng. Dwelling in his own pain. Soaking in it. Clinging tight to it and never letting go.

"That's always frustrating," she agreed. "Maybe ... they just aren't ready yet?"

She wondered if some people ever would be.

"Very frustrating," Raven murmured in agreement. "Especially when I can so easily free them from it. I never encountered such a thing in Azarath."

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