fandomhigh | Defense Against the Dark Arts for Muggles [Wednesday, Sept 2, 5th period]

When students entered the room on Wednesday, they'd find it looking exactly like a normal, ordinary classroom -- rows of desks facing the front, and two men standing at the front. Both were in their mid-thirties (though perhaps a bit weathered), and wearing shabby-looking long robes. However, if students looked up, they'd notice that the room's ceiling was enchanted to look like the sky outside. It was a touch of Hogwarts for their own comfort as well as students' amusement (though Remus had had to talk Sirius out of making the sky cloudy.)

Sirius's eyes never stayed still--focusing first on the students as they arrived, mentally appraising how threatening they might be, or if they betrayed any sign of recognizing his face, which had been plastered all over the wizard world for the better part of a year--but then they flickered to the window of the classroom, or the door, preparing for attack. If it seemed a little paranoid, well. He took a headcount, then nodded to Remus to begin.

Remus, who'd been smiling at the students as they entered and attempting to provide a counter to Sirius' fairly imperious figure, clapped his hands together lightly. "Good afternoon. I'm Remus Lupin, and this is Sirius Black." No one had seemed to recognize Sirius, and they couldn't very well keep his identity a secret for the entire school year. "Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts for Muggles. Now, that name may be a bit confusing to you. Allow me to explain -- Professor Black and I are both wizards, and in our culture, non-magical folk are called Muggles. We've been given to understand that while the student body here boasts a wide array of abilities and proclivities, not all of you are familiar with the use of magic. So, this class will be focusing on using whatever talents you do have -- and I don't want to hear that you don't have a defensive talent, because everyone has something -- against the evils that plague our collective world."

"Because they're out there," Sirius said firmly. "Today we'll start out simply: your name, and what you would consider a dark art." He scowled. "And no comments about dark art being sketches made with charcoal. Unlike other courses, what you learn here could very easily save your life."

He pointed to a student at random. "You. Begin."

"Oh," Remus added, holding up a hand to pause. "And would Griffin O'Connor and Merlin please see one or both of us after class? Thank you."

[co-written with

lycanthromoony!]

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"Alex Karev," he said for probably the hundredth time. He didn't know what the hell they were looking for with dark arts so he went with something outlandishly cliche. "Exorcisms are dark arts."

"Exorcisms, or the thing your exorcising in the first place, Alex?" Remus asked smoothly. "Because in theory, wouldn't an exorcism be ridding one of an evil, rather than adding one?"

Like he knew what he was talking about. He'd just seen movies where exorcisms always seemed to end with someone vomiting green pea shit or the person's head turning in circles.

"I've never actually seen a real exorcism," he said, shrugging, "so yeah, I guess the second one. Though, can't there be bad exorcisms?"

Again, movies.

"People trying to rid you of something that isn't even there and just messing you up in the process?"

"Excellent," Remus said, nodding. "There can be bad exorcisms, I suppose, though I admit to not having any practical experience with exorcising at all, myself. But I'm not sure that a botched exorcism as you're describing is so much dark, as it sounds like at least the intentions are good. But then, what is that Muggle phrase about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?"

"That's it, yeah," he said, nodding. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions. My favorite's 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned', though. Don't exorcise a scorned woman or she'll kick your ass."

Or something. He didn't know, he'd gotten off track there.

Remus hid a smile. "Yes, well, I'm sure Professor Black knows far more about leaving women scorned than myself, so be sure to ask him."

Alex flicked a look at Professor Black and then nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

Sirius gave Alex a dark look in return. "Don't ask."

The dark look didn't deter Alex that much. If anything, it only encouraged him to want to ask even more now.

But, first day of classes, he kept his mouth shut.

Defense Against the Dark Arts for Muggles [Wednesday, Sept 2, 5th period]

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