fandomhigh | a guide to getting past life's little quirks | wednesday | period 2

Loki decided to hold class outside, around the main campfire for maximum, well, maximum campfire experience. He really didn't know what the fuck that meant other than he wanted to be outside and not cooped up in a classroom. If the students didn't like roughing it, oh fucking well. That was why he had the authority.

"All right," he started once everyone seemed to have filed in, "I see some familiar faces and some faces I don't recognize. So, if you don't know me, I'm Loki, I'm your teacher and if you didn't sign up for this class, don't tell me that because I'll have to make fun of you."

And he would too.

"Anyway, if you're expecting to do battle with swords or learn to fly or shit like that, you're gonna be sadly bored in this class because that's not what it's about. This class is about dealing with all the little shit that you encounter in everyday life that can put a major fucking cramp in your day. It's stuff that no one thinks about until it fucking ruins their plans because they had no idea how to fucking get past it. This class will teach you how to get past certain things, how to deal with certain things and how to be fucking awesome while doing it."

He just threw that last part in, of course. He was always awesome.

"Today, though, we'll start off slow. We'll do introductions so I know who the hell you are and what the hell you're doing here. Name, age, and last time you bought fucking condoms." He thought of leaving it there but, well, he didn't need to get in trouble. "If you don't want to tell anyone that, just tell us the last time something embarrassing happened to you that you didn't know how to deal with. Sound good? Right." He paused and looked around the assembled mass before picking two people at random. "And you two," he said, pointing to George and Elena, "are the TA's. Congratulations. Don't you just love random fucking selection? Anyway, intros. Go."

With that, he leaned back and waited to hear the class intros.

[Class syllabus and roster]

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And Daisy blinked at that as if it was an entirely foreign concept to her. "Really?" she finally asked, and then shook her head. "And, no, it's all yours, so help yourself. I'm not exactly in the habit of allowing myself to have cake in the morning."

"Thanks, wifey," he said, grinning at her and taking the cake. "And yeah, really. Some of them actually had some good reasons. One of them let's the guy do it because, if he wants to get laid, he'll have the protection. Some people don't use condoms where they're from, that kind of thing."

There was another pause.

"Yes, but if you want to get laid, you'll have the protection," Daisy pointed out, shaking her head a little. "So is that what the first lesson was about? Proper protection? I'd hardly count the consequences of what happens if you haven't got it as one of life's little quirks, Loki. Or were you just asking out some potentially inappropriate curiosity or need to make the blushy ones squirm?"

"No, no, that was there intro question," Loki explained before taking a bite of the cake. "You know, name, age, and some other random thing to get a feel. I asked that. I am doing a lesson later on buying embarrassing things though so it was a precursor. See who's going to do okay buying condoms, laxatives, tampons, that kind of thing."

"And here I just ask their favourite foods," said Daisy. "Which is how the octopus thing came up, by the way. No Ho-Hos for breakfast every day, although one kid did have a Swiss Cake roll."

"Swiss Cake rolls are a pretty good dinner food," he said, nodding. "Sweet and there's usually two of them you can even share!"

"Noooooo," said Daisy. "Bad Loki. No more cake if you keep that up."

"It's mine now!" he said, holding it close. "And I'm not teaching your class so I can say that. You could punish me if I showed up in your class one day and tried to sway them to junk food."

"I don't know," said Daisy with a skeptical tone, eying Loki as he horded the cake. "Kids don't need any extra encouragement eating junk food, and if you cared at all, you'd keep in mind that not everyone can chow down on Swiss Cake Rolls and Pop Tarts and not suffer a single damn consequence for it."

"But I'm not actively preaching that!" he reminded her. "I just tell you because it gets a rise out of you."

Daisy wrinkled her nose a little. "Dangerously close to tempting a no-more-cake fate, there, Loki, dear."

"Because I like to tease you?" he asked, wrinkling his nose right back at her.

"Yeah, well," Daisy offered in defense, "you're just so lucky you're cute when you do."

"Aww, Daisy, I knew you loved me," he said and grinned at her. "You are unable to withstand my charm."

"I am!" said Daisy, with a note of exasperated, amused agreement. "Utterly incapable! Every single time, that charm of your just takes right over and I'm like putty in your big, manly hands, Loki."

"Don't make me flick this cake at you," he teased with a laugh. "Get it all in that pretty hair of yours."

"And you accuse me of being the bad spouse," Daisy shook her head. "I make that cake just for you and you want to put it in my hair."

"It'd be playful!" Loki insisted. "Playful fucking flirting!"

"You're just like a big, eons old kid, aren't you?"

"Should I not be?" he wondered. "I thought people liked it!"

Not that he was planning on changing or anything.

"Not when it involves cake in my hair, you shouldn't," said Daisy. "Cake goes in your stomach. Fingers go through my hair."

"What if my fingers just happen to have cake on them?" he wondered.

"Then I'll have to remember to bring napkins for you next time," Daisy decided after a moment to consider it.

"And tuck them into my shirt collar and everything?" he joked. "Just to make sure I don't make a mess!"

"Well, if you insist on acting like a kid, that's only fair that I can treat you like one. And, by the way, I have you hate you now for making me sound like someone's mum."