fandomhigh | How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Really Trying, Workshop 7, Period 2 (Monday, August 18)

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How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Really Trying, Workshop 7, Period 2 (Monday, August 18)

Class! Class, this week was very exciting! Were they excited, children? They should be! Today was a very special day! Today was their final! Wasn't that right, Jean-Paul?

"Indeed, Mademoiselle Bell," Jean-Paul agreed. "Today is your final." They should be very excited indeed! They were almost done with Jean-Paul and Tink! "And we have a very special final in store for you. It should be an excellent test of whether you have truly learned the way of the bitch, is that not right, Mademoiselle Bell?"

It should! It also contained random humiliation, which, in Tink's mind, was just as important for a final. Because teachers should get to laugh at their students a lot. Why else would one teach? It certainly wasn't for the money. Did the children have any idea what they got paid, here? Here was a hint: not much.

"It is true, we do not. Do not go into education, children. The pay is horrible and you have to deal with, well, you. When you are thirty looking back at yourselves as teenagers, you will agree with me." Was Jean-Paul being bitchy? Yes. He also believed he was one hundred percent right. "Now, your final will be simple. Complete the tasks assigned to you in the proper fashion, and you are done."

Of course, that was only simple for people with full, functioning brains, so Tink wasn't too convinced that all of their students could pull it off, but at least the failures would be entertaining. Tink had a martini and would be keeping score and videotaping anything that looked particularly useful for blackmail purposes. Had Jean-Paul noticed how rich this island was, for blackmail possibilities?

"I have!" Jean-Paul said happily. "Truly, it is a wonderful place. Unless you are the one being blackmailed." They would not speak of the weekend everyone was a pony. Ever. "But remember, children, after the blackmail possibilities, you are done!" That meant they never had to see JP and Tink again! Unless they needed clothes. Or got stuck in one of his classes. But other than that!

And that was a very, very good thing indeed. Now shoo! Off with you! Time to final!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Round four is a stage with a karaoke machine on it. There is a pink frilly taffeta bridesmaid's dress (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v328/Rellyjean/Tink/class/pink_dress_340x490.jpg), some high-heeled tap shoes, and both just happen to be in your size, isn't that handy? Your task for this round is to put on the dress and shoes, get up on the stage, and tap-dance while you sing "The Good Ship Lollipop." The karaoke machine has a TV with the words highlighted along in case you've forgotten them. If you really object to the song, it could be changed to something by the Pussycat Dolls, so do not go there.

Did we mention the mustard? Right. There's a big container of squeezable mustard. You have to pour that on yourself while you perform. Bon appetit!

Toby...didn't see the problem with this. He didn't know how to tap, so he turned it into a sort of strip tease, minus the stripping, since he wasn't wearing a shirt to begin with. Smearing mustard all over his face and chest, people might be worried he was too into this.

Tink could not decide if she was more turned on, horrified, or horrified that she was turned on.

Lee...had worn a good shirt today. And he'd showered. He so wasn't going to do this without glaring for awhile.

Tink was going to bounce and applaud to encourage him. Do it! Do it! Humiliate himself for her amusement! Do it!

"But, I look good today!" Lee insisted. "Why ruin it?"

"Because we said so," Jean-Paul informed him.

Lee made a face and grumbled the whole while pulling on the stupid dress and tap dancing.

The mustard was a no go.

Awwww, Tink was prepared to pout for the mustard! Do it! Mustard! Ruin the dress! Ruin it! Didn't it deserve to be ruined?

Tink was also prepared to make her students very, very grateful that this class was finally over.

Warren eyed the dress. He eyed it skeptically and critically and with a very cranky sort of sneer on his face.

"What a waste of mustard," he finally grunted.

Sing! Sing! Sing! The words were up on the prompter! Tap dance and sing! It would give her such joy! And he could stain the dress with mustard, and afterwards, she would burn it! Burn! Burn! Burn! Let's get humiliating up in here!

"Burn?" Warren looked down at the dress. If all he really had to do was burn it to get it over with, then he'd just set himself ablaze right now and be done with it.

Like so.

Tink beamed. That was wonderful! He was burning the dress already! That could totally replace the mustard!

Now sing! Sing! Sing! It could only be better if he was on fire and singing!

... Sing. Sing while burning.

....

Sure. He'd had to do more idiotic things in Sky High's classes, anyhow.

"On the good ship, Lollipop," he deadpanned. It was to be noted, perhaps, that monotone, cranky Warren Peace could not carry a tune in a bucket. "It's a sweet trip to a candy shop..."

Where bon-bons play! On the sunny beach of Pepper-mint-Bay!

Oh, Tink loved this song! Especially when sung by cranky, burning pyrokinetics in bridesmaid's dresses! Applause, applause!

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

peace_n_war - 2008-08-18 19:42 (UTC) - Expand

"...no."

That wasn't happening. It reminded him of Lady Glinda far too much.

Tink folded her arms. Yes. Did he want to pass this class? Did he want to have to take it over again? Did he want the footage of him in the tiara and sash circulating around Fandom? She had footage, he should know. And no real compulsion about publishing it. Take that.

"I don't care, frankly. There's pictures of me as a kitten with ribbons too. What's that to the price of rice in Red Windmill? If you want to amuse yourselves watching someone dance about, I'm sure you can find a copy of the dress in your size. You do run the clothing store."

There were some things he would do for a good grade. This, however, was not one of them. He'd had enough of this sort of behavior when he was a child and he wasn't having it.

Edited 2008-08-18 20:33 (UTC)

She wasn't putting on anything that unspeakably horrible. She was a bitch and a diva. That dress was for lame people with stupid names. Ones who had to humiliate themselves in her class. He'd done the stupid Miss America thing! It was just a dress! And then she'd set the dress on fire later and laugh herself silly.

He was no fun at all. Do it.

"But the mustard would compliment your hair," he sniped with a wicked grin. Now he was starting to see why they'd had such fun. "And that pink just matches the flush of your face when you get mad, just like that. It really brings out your eyes."

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

notanactualfairy - 2008-08-19 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

new-to-liirness.livejournal.com - 2008-08-19 01:28 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

notanactualfairy - 2008-08-19 01:37 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

new-to-liirness.livejournal.com - 2008-08-19 01:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

notanactualfairy - 2008-08-19 02:01 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

new-to-liirness.livejournal.com - 2008-08-19 02:05 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

tinkerbitch.livejournal.com - 2008-08-19 02:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Round Four: Abject Humiliation (8/18)

new-to-liirness.livejournal.com - 2008-08-19 02:18 (UTC) - Expand

Agnes GLARED at the teachers. "This isn't really part of the final," she declared. "It has nothing to do with the class. You just want us to make fools of ourselves for your own amusement."

"Oh, no, it really does have to do with the class," Jean-Paul said. "Pinky swear."

Notice he didn't specify how...

They really ARE bitches.

Agnes glared again, tied the dress around her waist like a belt and tucked the shoes into it, and then marched up to the stage and began to sing.

Agnes could sing very, very well, but also, when she chose to -- like now -- she could sing very, very, VERY badly. And loudly. It couldn't be called "dissonant", if only because mere dissonance gave up and ran home in the face of Agnes's onslaught.

"On the GOOOOOOOOD ship LOLLYPOP!!!..."

Jean-Paul winced, but nodded encouragingly in respect for her strategy. "Do not forget the mustard, mademoiselle!"

Agnes nodded and opened the mustard while she kept singing. Instead of pouring it on herself, however, she laid the bottle on the floor, with the nozzle pointing at Professor Beaubier, and STOMPED on it as hard as she could.