fandomhigh | How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Trying, Workshop 3, Period 2 (Monday, July 21)

When the students trickled into class today, they would probably be surprised to see that Tink and Jean-Paul were both already there. They had shown up early, instead of being fashionably late for once. Well. Being predictable was not very chic, now was it?

More importantly, Tink and Jean-Paul were very engrossed in a conversation of their own which had nothing to do with the pathetic, silly children that they were supposed to be teaching.

As Jean-Paul and Ms. Bell continued their very important conversation about her shoes and his hair, the students might notice that on the blackboard behind them, words had been written. These words, in fact: IGNORE THOSE LESS IMPORTANT THAN YOU. For the students capable of putting two and two together and getting four, this might explain a few things.

Students should, of course, be forewarned that having their own conversations would constitute ignoring those more important than themselves, and thus a shocking display of rudeness. The less important just had to suck up and sit quietly and wait their turn.

Or, of course, they could interrupt their professors to explain that they had, in fact, gathered the point of this week's lesson. Good luck with that one ...

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"Are you all right?" Agnes asked.

"Oh hey, Agnes," Toby said, pulled from his staring-time with a broad smile. "Yeah, just getting over the weekend. How are you?"

"Yeah, the tiny pirates were pretty weird," Agnes agreed. "I'm... fairly well, I guess. This class isn't exactly my most favorite one."

"There were tiny pirates?" Toby was glad he missed that being rather self-centered on his own body issues. "This class is quiet. We don't seem to do much."

"Yeah, what were you talking about... Oh, no, you didn't sign up for Professor Igor's experiment, did you?!?!" Agnes looked at Toby in horror.

"Professor Igor? You mean the hunchback dude who so needs a plastic surgeon?" Toby asked. "He and Lee's girlfriend totally stole my body and gave it to some unfortunate Hispanic kid."

Very pretty, but not all that bright.

From behind her hands, Agnes moaned, "Toby? Did you actually read the posters?"

"No, I just said I'd help since Lee was putting them up," he shrugged. "Why?"

"Because that was the point of the experiment!" Agnes explained. "Why do you think I stayed far, far away from it!?"

"Oooh!" It was like a lightbulb went on over Toby's head. Not like a 100 watt one, maybe 35. And energy saver.

"So like, they meant for that to happen. Now I get the form thing."

"At least your back to yourself, with no aftereffects?" Agnes asked. "You didn't pick up some of the personality of the person you swapped with or anything?"

No, if he'd done THAT, he'd be smarter.

"None that I could tell. I think Kev's gonna come over tonight just to be sure," Toby informed her, oversharing as was his wont.

"Well, I hope you and Kevin have a very pretty time," Agnes told him, blushing furiously. "...Lovely! I mean, a lovely time. Because you should."

Okay, did the fat girl not realize that she was talking, here? And that she was far more important than the fat girl, and also more important than her pretty, gay, dumb employee? She was. And so was Jean-Paul. And while her pretty, gay, dumb employee was very very pretty and dumb and gay, he and his lesbian friend should sit there patiently and not disrupt class.

Toby waved at Tink, having no clue what was going on. "Oh my god, that dress makes you look positively stunning. Do you have a stylist here?"

Agnes looked over at the blackboard and took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing.

She waved Tink away. "Do you mind? We're talking."

Tink beamed at Toby. Oh! Oh, he was so chic and darling and so, so very dim. That was all right. Nobody expected him to talk.

And no, fat girl, she did mind. That was why she said something! She minded. Nobody should ignore the fabulousness of Tinker Bell. Did she have something to say about that?

Agnes swallowed nervously and turned bright red. "I'm trying to be a good student and do the assignment," she said, pointing at the chalkboard. "Regardless of how fabulous you are."

Then she turned back to Toby. "I'm terribly sorry, what were you saying before Ms. Bell came over to call you stupid?"

"Oh my god! Do you speak her little fairy language?" Toby couldn't believe how smart Agnes was. "Wait, stupid?"

"Oh, yes, I understand her perfectly," Agnes told him with a grimace. "She likes to call me 'fat girl', and she calls you 'pretty, gay, and so, so very dim'." And all of that is true.

She smiled fake-sweetly at Tink. "She's the perfect teacher for this class, really. And, of course, utterly fabulous."

Toby's face fell. His lip quivered as he shook his head, not believing people would be so cruel.

Or pixies, whatever the hell she was.

How to Be a Complete Bitch Without Trying, Workshop 3, Period 2 (Monday, July 21)

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