fandomhigh | Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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detention

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

Harriet was looking suspiciously bright-eyed this morning as the detention-goers arrived. "Good morning. Today you're going to experience a little taste of Britain's ancient past. Possibly her imaginary past, but never mind. Today, each one of you is going to be Arthur, King of the Britons, and venture forth on a sacred quest for the Holy Grail."

She smiled at each of them in turn, looking far too amused. "It might not go quite as you expect it to," she added, then shooed them off. "Just go through that door to change into appropriate costume. Oh, and those of you with powers of any kind are not to use them. You are to approach this exercise as if you were an ordinary, non-magical, non-mutant, non-gifted human being. Arthur began his quest with only the blessing of God and strength of arms. You are to do the same."

Amber Atkins
Jaina Solo
Jenny Sparks
Romeo Montague
Ronan Nolan

Sokka

[ooc: YAY WE HAVE OCD! And instructions in the OOC thread.

definitely wait for the OCD

]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"YES!" BOOM! "I DO!" BOOM! "To the north there lies a cave-- the cave of Caerbannog-- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged--" BOOM! "Make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail."

"Perfect, runes," she said, watching the BOOM!s and being very glad this wasn't real. "I'm sure there'll be someone up there to help me read them. North, you said? Great, thanks."

"AYE! There will! And I will lead you!" BOOM! "Follow. But! Follow only if ye be a woman of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave King, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth."

He swirled his cape dramatically, and led the way to a cave, the entrance to which was strewn with bones.

Oh, great, he was going to come along and probably be weird at her. Jaina followed along, asking, "Do you work to get your cape to do that?"

He glared at her and blew up several rocks and a small tree on the way. "Behold the cave of Caerbannog!" He pointed dramatically at a...wee white rabbit who'd just hopped out of the cave and very pointedly swirled his cape. "And there! See it's great nasty vicious pointy teeth!"

There was a really long pause, followed by, "Um. It's a bunny."

The great enchanter was highly offended. Again. "Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!"

With extremely fortuitous timing a leprous looking man, who was just out for a walk, possibly seeking as shrubbery, wandered into the scene.

The bunny attacked. SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

"Auuuugh."

The leprous man would no longer be able to protest that he was not dead.

Another really long pause, followed by, "It's a vicious bunny."

The enchanter was laughing uproariously. "I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them." He paused to wheeze with laughter again. "The only thing that can stop the evil beastie is the Holy hand Grenade of Antioch."

"And do we have that or is that a whole other quest?" she wondered.

Out of nowhere, two stately religious types appeared, one bearing a chest, within which was nestled the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, and the other carrying a large book. "Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one," said the one holding the chest.

The one carrying the book opened it and began to read. "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--"

"Skip a bit, Brother."

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

They both cast very meaningful glances at Jaina, and the one with the chest held it out to her.

She bit back a comment about So... three then?, and reached out to take the chest. "Thank you?"

They both bowed, then hit the dirt.

"Well," Jaina said, "here goes."

She did exactly as instructed, pulling the pin and counting to three. Not more, not less, and definitely not to five. And then she threw it in the direction of the killer bunny rabbit.

Wow, this entire detention so far was something at least one member of her family could take minor offense at. Huh.

There was a loud explosion, and the bunny was vaporised, leaving the entrance to the cave clear, apart from all the bones.

"Well done, my liege."

"Yes, well done."

"Now we can find the mystical runes, that will show you the way to the Grail."

"Yes, the answers to the Grail's location lies within the cave."

And they trotted off into the cave, leading the way.

They sort of creeped her out a lot. "After you," she muttered, following them inside.

"Here, my liege, here." They were both very keen priesty types, and one held a candle aloft while the other gestured at the wall. "The runes! It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'."

Just off-screen, a cartoon peril was stirring.

"The Castle of aaarrrrggh," Jaina repeated. "Why don't I like that name?"

"Because my liege is wise!"

"And brave!"

"And strong and h-- "

He was cut off (on the whole, it was probably a good thing) as the cartoon-peril surged out of nowhere and gobbled him up whole.

"Run, my liege!" the other yelled, pointing into the cave.

It sort of went against Jaina's nature to run away. She'd stabbed a T-Rex in the mouth once, after all. Still, she wasn't about to try to find out what happened if you got swallowed by something in a simulation, so with an "Okay," she took off running into the cave.

"It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh!"

The cartoon peril stopped long enough to gobble up the second priestly type, then chased after her, eyes rolling, jaws gnashing, footsteps shaking the ground.

Gee, couldn't imagine where the castle got its name. Where was the guy with the horns to go BOOM! A BOOM! would be useful. So Jaina just kept running, not looking back, because that was how people stumbled, fell, and got eaten.

As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more, fading away to nothing.

Coincidentally, right near the exit from the cave. Through it could just be seen a rickety, cobweb thin, wooden bridge and a rather revolting old man.

Who was cackling.

...Huh, that was handy.

Jaina exited the cave, feeling a little cynical about the people she was meeting on this quest. And cackling was never good. That way led to Force lightning and plots to take over galaxies. "Hi, looking for the grail," she said.

The old man thrust out a hand. "Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side she see."

Detention [5.04.08] - Saturday 800 to 1300 (the Danger Shop)

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