The Art of Cool: Class 4, Period 2 (Friday, February 1)

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

"So, how many of them do you think will pass?" Barney asked, looking over how many seemed to have brought their egg with them.

Tink rolled her eyes. So many of them were stupid. And enthusiastic. And probably thought that managing to not smash an egg for a whole week somehow validated them as potential parents. Instead of realizing that they neither wanted nor liked children and tossing the stupid eggs away.

"Pathetic," Barney agreed. "Let's hope for some really compelling stories about why they kept them. You!" He pointed randomly at a student. "Why don't you start us off."

Tink sipped her martini and giggled madly at many of the stories. Especially ones that involved students being humiliated. That was, after all, why she signed up for this gig.

When they were finished, Barney addressed the whole group again. "So, what was the point of this experiment? If you kept the smelly egg all week you failed. If you didn't ditch your assigned significant other, you failed. If you either destroyed or consumed your 'baby' you pass."

Yes! Because - as they should realize by now - being cool was completely incompatible with having children. Children - even stupid, lame egg ones? Destroyed your cool factor. Smashed it! Check the graph!



"A thing of beauty, Ms. Bell," Barney said, taking a look at her graph. "Do you think they understand yet?"

Tink jingled happily at his compliment. They probably didn't, not yet, because they were simple-minded children. And they had actually kept the eggs all week. They ... oooh! Oooh! Was he thinking what she was thinking?! Was he???

Barney had no idea if they were thinking the same thing. His brain was rather focused on whether there would be many hot chicks in town this weekend for that convention he heard about. "I'm certain I am," he replied, completely not hiding behind his beverage of choice and hoping she would tell him what he was supposed to be thinking.

Of course he was, he was ever so smart and handsome! These silly children had bonded to their smelly, disgusting eggs. They needed to break that bond! Firmly! With a sledgehammer! Or a similar heavy smashing thing! And then get more eggs and dress them up and give them names like Weeeeeeeeeeeendy and smash those, too! Egg-smashings for all! It would be wonderful!

It was during moments like these that Barney wondered about how Tink fit on the Crazy/Hot Scale. He brought a finger to his lips. "Ah, yes, a cathartic smashing of the 'baby' to signify the destruction of their lives should they choose to fail and get pregnant. An excellent idea, Ms. Bell!"

(OCD as always a-comin'! up!)

Comments

Sign In! [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

With your poutiest icon.

Re: Sign In! [2/1]

[withoutverona]

Romeo Montague

Turning in Homework [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tell us all about your egg baby experience. Why didn't you destroy the egg on sight? What did you learn from this? How do babies fit into the life of someone cool? (Hint: they don't.)

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[withoutverona]

"Dojima and I gave the egg - Felix - to a nursemaid to raise," Romeo said. "That way, he is on one piece, and we could go about our lives." He hoped not having actually cared for the egg himself until the last night would at least get him partial credit.

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

"I had Matilda first," Amber said, and admitted next. "I wasn't a very good parent because she rolled onto the floor and cracked and it was awfully stinky. I did replace her with another Matilda and gave her to Marco for the remainder of the week."

Pause.

"I didn't even miss her."

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I don't remember," Jeff said, looking... well, looking as nervous as always. "It sort of got lost in radio preparations."

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[therhimineecat.livejournal.com]

"Bob looked after the egg," Seregil said.

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

"My lovely wife," Ron said sarcastically nodding at Reno, "made an omelet for me at my request. He even wore a nice frilly apron and brought me my slippers. I didn't eat it of course becuase he was most likely trying to poison me. The filthy cannibal."

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[gobrookeyourself]

"I made mine pretty," Brooke offered. Suri today was dressed in yet another little sari, because her fake mommy had had way too much time on her hands. "And she's a little on the hard-boiled side, because you never said we couldn't."

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[harrydresden.livejournal.com]

"I put it in a cup," Harry said with a shrug. "And somehow carrying around a cup didn't disrupt my life in any way. Then I gave it to Robin. What would be the point of smashing it? Just makes a mess and I hate cleaning. And cannibalism is definitely not cool, so why the hell would I have consumed it?"

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke looked confused as he stared down at his bright orange egg, complete with helmet and X-Wing box.

"Gavin and I shared the workload, the egg spent the nights in the common room fridge...oh! And we took pictures of it to send back to the guy we named it after to traumatize him."

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

"You think we should kill babies?" Okay, yeah they were talking about an egg, but the metaphore was disturbing to Robin.

Re: Turning in Homework [2/1]

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"I, uh, kinda lost it after the second day," Jack admitted. "Wait. We were supposed to name it?" The others did...

Smashy! [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

In a corner of the classroom, there is a sledgehammer, a baseball bat, and other moddable blunt objects. And a nice flat surface. Get smashin'!

Re: Smashy! [2/1]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

Amber wasn't smashing Matilda #2. She would let Marco do that. Just because it would probably stink.

Re: Smashy! [2/1]

[withoutverona]

Romeo felt Dojima should have the honors. He straightened Felix's tiny collar while waiting for her.

Re: Smashy! [2/1]

[gobrookeyourself]

It wasn't that Brooke wanted to keep Suri. She was more than happy to get the damn project over with, actually. But smashing her didn't seem right, and also, hard boiled or not, that wasn't going to smell good. Seriously, it'd been a week.

Eggs, Yet Again [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

And over here we have a new carton of eggs. And some egg-sized baby clothes and wigs and name tags. Pick a new egg! Dress it up! Name it!

AND THEN TAKE IT TO THE OTHER CORNER AND SMASH IT. Because your teachers have issues.

Re: Eggs, Yet Again [2/1]

[minnesota-teen.livejournal.com]

This was... just plain weird.

Amber dressed an egg up like Cher, adding a long black wig even. Then she drew on a tongue that was all pointy and hanging out.

She was tired, okay?

Re: Eggs, Yet Again [2/1]

[withoutverona]

Romeo, who may possibly have had a few issues, dressed his egg in a tiny astronaut costume and named it Paris.

Paris-egg was going to be bounced in his hand enough to scramble him quite well before he as hurled to the floor.

Re: Eggs, Yet Again [2/1]

[gobrookeyourself]

Brooke had taken to staring. A lot of staring. And she might have considered getting a good therapist for the professors.

Re: Eggs, Yet Again [2/1]

[raspberryturk]

Reno shrugged, grabbed an egg, grabbed a nametag, and named the baby "Rosalind" before beating it mercilessly to a crunchy, sticky pulp.

It had just seemed like a good name, okay?

He then repeated the process a few more times, with slightly more significant names. The baby who was named AVALANCHE died a particularly gruesome death. There might have been four or five babies named AVALANCHE. Their deaths might have been more and more creative as he went along. He might have kept going longer than expected, given that there was only one carton to begin with, as he had brought along a carton of his own hoping to throw it at the teachers for the stupid eggsitting assignment to begin with.

This, somehow, was much better.

Mr. Weasley [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Who made a lovely mom.

Re: Mr. Weasley [2/1]

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron spent most of the class either wondering how much trouble he'd get for transforming Reno into a jelly donut and the other half wondering how to turn Reno into a jelly donut.

But he was available.

Profs. Bell & Stinson [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Give them booze, or give them death!

OOC [2/1]

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Barney has the availability of suck today. You're mostly stuck with the pixie bitch. You poor things.

Re: OOC [2/1]

[stylin-wizard.livejournal.com]

Can I just say how much I love this class and I love Tink & Barney?

*LOVES*