fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 4, Period 2 (Friday, February 1)

"So, how many of them do you think will pass?" Barney asked, looking over how many seemed to have brought their egg with them.

Tink rolled her eyes. So many of them were stupid. And enthusiastic. And probably thought that managing to not smash an egg for a whole week somehow validated them as potential parents. Instead of realizing that they neither wanted nor liked children and tossing the stupid eggs away.

"Pathetic," Barney agreed. "Let's hope for some really compelling stories about why they kept them. You!" He pointed randomly at a student. "Why don't you start us off."

Tink sipped her martini and giggled madly at many of the stories. Especially ones that involved students being humiliated. That was, after all, why she signed up for this gig.

When they were finished, Barney addressed the whole group again. "So, what was the point of this experiment? If you kept the smelly egg all week you failed. If you didn't ditch your assigned significant other, you failed. If you either destroyed or consumed your 'baby' you pass."

Yes! Because - as they should realize by now - being cool was completely incompatible with having children. Children - even stupid, lame egg ones? Destroyed your cool factor. Smashed it! Check the graph!

"A thing of beauty, Ms. Bell," Barney said, taking a look at her graph. "Do you think they understand yet?"

Tink jingled happily at his compliment. They probably didn't, not yet, because they were simple-minded children. And they had actually kept the eggs all week. They ... oooh! Oooh! Was he thinking what she was thinking?! Was he???

Barney had no idea if they were thinking the same thing. His brain was rather focused on whether there would be many hot chicks in town this weekend for that convention he heard about. "I'm certain I am," he replied, completely not hiding behind his beverage of choice and hoping she would tell him what he was supposed to be thinking.

Of course he was, he was ever so smart and handsome! These silly children had bonded to their smelly, disgusting eggs. They needed to break that bond! Firmly! With a sledgehammer! Or a similar heavy smashing thing! And then get more eggs and dress them up and give them names like Weeeeeeeeeeeendy and smash those, too! Egg-smashings for all! It would be wonderful!

It was during moments like these that Barney wondered about how Tink fit on the Crazy/Hot Scale. He brought a finger to his lips. "Ah, yes, a cathartic smashing of the 'baby' to signify the destruction of their lives should they choose to fail and get pregnant. An excellent idea, Ms. Bell!"

(OCD ~~as always a-comin'!~~ up!)

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Ron spent most of the class either wondering how much trouble he'd get for transforming Reno into a jelly donut and the other half wondering how to turn Reno into a jelly donut.

But he was available.

Reno spent most of the class wondering how many eggs to throw at Ron, and when would be the most opportune time to throw them.

... Now was good. Bombs away!

The eggs hit.

Which Ron seemed to take everything well in stride.

Especially when he took out his wand and flew several dozen eggs right at Reno.

Most of the eggs hit.

Reno simply grinned and started to peel off his jacket. If he had to wrestle Ron over to the aftermath of the egg-smashing corner and roll the kid around in it, he would.

Ron watched for a moment as Reno began to take off his jacket and then calmly cast a jelly legs jinx at his former wife.

Reno's legs were doing something... that was not quite right. Legs, so far as Reno knew, were not supposed to bend that way.

So Reno took a seat. On the floor. In the egg. And gave Ron a very, very dirty look.

"When most people hit someone with a confuse," Reno snarled, "they hit more than just the legs, yo."

"Well I would have a used something to zap your head but that would've been useless now since there's nothing in between the ears but hair dye," Ron snarked back.

"You," Reno said, pointing at Ron and glowering a little more darkly, "are damn lucky my legs aren't working right now. Because the moment I can stand up, you're a dead man."

"Careful now. I'd hate to see you start throwing up slugs," Ron said in a 'tsk-tsk' sort of tone.

... And Reno thought that he was a depraved individual.

"Slugs? You shittin' me?"

"When you can walk again you can ask that Madrox fellow about it," Ron said removing and eggshell from his hair.

Reno glowered at Ron for a moment more, and then looked at his legs.

He prodded at one, experimentally. It jiggled.

"That's freakin' disgusting," he decided. It stopped wiggling. So he poked at it again, just to be sure. "Yep. Still disgusting, yo."

Tink blinked at Reno, who was sitting funny on the floor, and then Ron, picking eggshells from his hair ...

... and then nearly fell out of the sky, from laughing so hard.

They both had detention, because she said so. But oh my! This class was wonderful!

"Why do I have detention?" Ron protested. "I thought I could discipline anyone I saw fit?"

"Because she said so," Barney pointed out, making sure there was no egg on his suit from their little game.

Reno rolled his eyes and continued to sit there.

"This better wear off before the trained killers start arrivin' on the island," he muttered. "I got a buddy to meet, yo."

Also, there was egg in his suit. This bothered him more than all the detention time they could possibly throw at him.

"But extremely amusing," Ron said with a smirk. "At least for me."

The Art of Cool: Class 4, Period 2 (Friday, February 1)

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