fandomhigh | The Art of Cool: Class 4, Period 2 (Friday, February 1)

"So, how many of them do you think will pass?" Barney asked, looking over how many seemed to have brought their egg with them.

Tink rolled her eyes. So many of them were stupid. And enthusiastic. And probably thought that managing to not smash an egg for a whole week somehow validated them as potential parents. Instead of realizing that they neither wanted nor liked children and tossing the stupid eggs away.

"Pathetic," Barney agreed. "Let's hope for some really compelling stories about why they kept them. You!" He pointed randomly at a student. "Why don't you start us off."

Tink sipped her martini and giggled madly at many of the stories. Especially ones that involved students being humiliated. That was, after all, why she signed up for this gig.

When they were finished, Barney addressed the whole group again. "So, what was the point of this experiment? If you kept the smelly egg all week you failed. If you didn't ditch your assigned significant other, you failed. If you either destroyed or consumed your 'baby' you pass."

Yes! Because - as they should realize by now - being cool was completely incompatible with having children. Children - even stupid, lame egg ones? Destroyed your cool factor. Smashed it! Check the graph!

"A thing of beauty, Ms. Bell," Barney said, taking a look at her graph. "Do you think they understand yet?"

Tink jingled happily at his compliment. They probably didn't, not yet, because they were simple-minded children. And they had actually kept the eggs all week. They ... oooh! Oooh! Was he thinking what she was thinking?! Was he???

Barney had no idea if they were thinking the same thing. His brain was rather focused on whether there would be many hot chicks in town this weekend for that convention he heard about. "I'm certain I am," he replied, completely not hiding behind his beverage of choice and hoping she would tell him what he was supposed to be thinking.

Of course he was, he was ever so smart and handsome! These silly children had bonded to their smelly, disgusting eggs. They needed to break that bond! Firmly! With a sledgehammer! Or a similar heavy smashing thing! And then get more eggs and dress them up and give them names like Weeeeeeeeeeeendy and smash those, too! Egg-smashings for all! It would be wonderful!

It was during moments like these that Barney wondered about how Tink fit on the Crazy/Hot Scale. He brought a finger to his lips. "Ah, yes, a cathartic smashing of the 'baby' to signify the destruction of their lives should they choose to fail and get pregnant. An excellent idea, Ms. Bell!"

(OCD ~~as always a-comin'!~~ up!)

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Luke looked confused as he stared down at his bright orange egg, complete with helmet and X-Wing box.

"Gavin and I shared the workload, the egg spent the nights in the common room fridge...oh! And we took pictures of it to send back to the guy we named it after to traumatize him."

"So you were the mommy?" Barney asked. "Did he make you put out?"

Luke made a face, but recovered quickly. "Our relationship was a result of a one-night stand," he lied. "I refuse to be trapped in something where he expects sex."

Beat.

"And I wasn't the mommy."

"Your hair could've fooled me," Barney replied, thankful for next week's topic. He was done looking at these idiot boys and their 70s mom-hair.

"Why didn't you dump your SO when you got ku'd?"

"I tried," Luke made up, "but he wouldn't stop crying."

"Oh I hate when they turn on the waterworks," Barney agreed. "Remember, say you're going out to buy something they like or need and then," he leaned closer. "This is important, okay? Never go back!"

The Art of Cool: Class 4, Period 2 (Friday, February 1)

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