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The cafeteria is covered with trees. Trees, vines, dirt. It looks like a jungle in there. The Chef is in his Tarzan wear and Das Schnitzel is dressed as an exotic jungle queen. Occasionaly you can see a monkey or if you are lucky, a cheetah walking around the cafeteria.

Hellu leettle-a gurls und buys! Tudey is Joongle-a Nueese-a dey in zee ceffetereea! Iff yuoo meke-a a nueese-a leeke-a un uneemel I'll geefe-a yuoo a bux ooff humemede-a uneemel creckers!

Tudey fur loonch ve-a hefe-a:

-Ruest Veeld Buer (veet a seede-a ooff Meerket)

-Sneppeeng Toortle-a Suoop

-Brueeled Ploocked Peecuck veet a seede-a ooff meshed putetues

-Jell-Oo in zee flefurs ooff: Elleegetur, Ilephunt, und Flemeengu

Und ve-a hefe-a a peck ooff fooltoores zeere-a tu cleun ooffff yuoor pletes effter yuoo ere-a dune-a. Vetch oooot fur zee burd puup!

Du nut be-a elermed ebuoot zee cheetehs und hyenes thet ere-a velkeeng ebuoot! It's zee munkeys yuoo need tu vurry ebuoot. I'm effreeed zeey'll try tu iscepe-a und iff thet heppens...vell, I'd stey in my ruum iff I vere-a yuoo. Bork Bork Bork!

A particulary large monkey steps in front of the Chef. He is brandishing a butcher knife.

Eh ha! Du nut try tu mess veet me-a yuoo munkey!

The Chef manages to knock the knife out of his hand but the monkey gets him in a half nelson. Das Schnitzel is cornered by two of the monkeys. But with some moves that could only have the background music of Missy Elliot's "Lose Control" she dispatches the both of them. She then goes to help the Chef but is too late. 12 monkeys (that's ironic) run out of the cafeteria doors.

Oh nu! Cume-a Des Schneetzel ve-a moost get zeem! Zee Cheeteh cun serfe-a zee fuud! Cume-a beck here-a yuoo munkeys! I cooght yuoo oonce-a I cun du it egeeen yuoo bununa ieteeng fartknockers!

The Chef runs out carrying a butchers knife and Das Schnitzel is holding a net and some bananas. She needs no weapon. Her body is already a monkey killing machine. She was in the peace corp in the seventies.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kiki brandishes her broom and gamely takes a *thwak!* at one of the monkeys. After battling gremlins on this same hallowed field of combat, monkeys should be a piece of cake.

She asks, "Please, could I get the peacock and potatos, but without the peacock? I'd like just a dish of mashed potatos, if I could."

Here-a yuoo gu leettle-a weetch! Bork Bork Bork!

"Thank you very much!" Kiki smiles, taking the mashed potatoes and a box of animal crackers.

As she heads towards a table, a monkey steals the red bow out of her hair.

"HEY!" she yells. "GIVE ME BACK MY HAIR BOW, YOU STUPID MONKEY!"

[ooc: *dying of laughter* you are alarmingly good at that!]

Uhh, sorry, chef? What are the 'humemede-a uneemel creckers' exactly made of? See, i'm terrible allergic to monkey, so...

Nut tu vurry! Zeey ere-a ectooel cuukeees unffurtoonetley. Ve-a ere-a nut ellooed tu use-a joongle-a uneemels fur oooor cuukeees in Emereeca. Dammit.

((*dies*))

Oh, okay, that's cool. I'll have some Sneppeeng Toortle-a Suoop then, please? Oh, and also:

*makes the sound of dying elephant-kinda-bird-like-thing-in-distress*

Do i get a cookie? *beams*

Vunderffool! I lufe-a thet leettle-a ilephunt-burd theeng yuoo'fe-a gut gueeng! Bork Bork Bork!

Hands him his soup and cookies.

Sam stuck her head into the cafeteria. Her eyes widened at the jungle motif, but she was feeling lucky today. If she understood the chef correctly, there was jell-o on the menu. Plus, free animal crackers.

"Hi. I'd like some jell-o, please. Oh, and..."

She stuck her tongue out a couple of times in rapid succession and smiled at the chef. "I'm a reticulated python. They're very quiet."

I em fery femeelier veet thet pythun! Oonce-a vhee me-a und Des Schneetzel vere-a oon a sefferee oone-a treeed tu beete-a my leettle-a cheeckee! Boot nut tu vurry, she-a streeeghtened heem oooot und ve-a beceme-a qooeete-a guud freeends. Vunderffool chess pleyer. Bork Bork Bork!

Hands her animal crackers and jello.

Sam eyes the jell-o skeptically. It's blue, but it's got some kind of lumps in it that she prefers to think of as pineapple.

"Thank you so much." She decides not to ask how the python moved the chess pieces, edged carefully away from the fully armed fighting chicken, and closed the door behind her.

*armed with her most innocent expression Callisto drops by before Art Class*

Chef, I was wondering if I could get some coffee for Coach Ash.

The Chef looks confused. There was no coffee in Sweden. He looks over at Das Schnitzel who clucks an explanation to him.

"Cuffffee-a? Yes...um. Huld oon a mument."

He comes back with a mug containing a green-brown mixture. It smelled horrible. He adds a little vanilla extract to it and the smell is covered. He is thankful that there was so many animals about today. Das Schnitzel did say that coffee was a brown drink that tasted like shit.

Here-a yuoo gu! Bork Bork Bork!

*smiles sweetly*

Thank you so much.

*cackles like an insane hyena*

*Wanders in looking and sounding like a dying yak. Shep pats Das on the head.*

That's my girl! You don't even need the Uzi!

*regrets speaking so loudly instantly. Whispers to the chef*

Whatever you've got that's very, very, very bland.