(no subject)

[http://users.livejournal.com/swedish_chef_/]

The cafeteria is covered with trees. Trees, vines, dirt. It looks like a jungle in there. The Chef is in his Tarzan wear and Das Schnitzel is dressed as an exotic jungle queen. Occasionaly you can see a monkey or if you are lucky, a cheetah walking around the cafeteria.


Hellu leettle-a gurls und buys! Tudey is Joongle-a Nueese-a dey in zee ceffetereea! Iff yuoo meke-a a nueese-a leeke-a un uneemel I'll geefe-a yuoo a bux ooff humemede-a uneemel creckers!

Tudey fur loonch ve-a hefe-a:

-Ruest Veeld Buer (veet a seede-a ooff Meerket)

-Sneppeeng Toortle-a Suoop

-Brueeled Ploocked Peecuck veet a seede-a ooff meshed putetues

-Jell-Oo in zee flefurs ooff: Elleegetur, Ilephunt, und Flemeengu

Und ve-a hefe-a a peck ooff fooltoores zeere-a tu cleun ooffff yuoor pletes effter yuoo ere-a dune-a. Vetch oooot fur zee burd puup!


Du nut be-a elermed ebuoot zee cheetehs und hyenes thet ere-a velkeeng ebuoot! It's zee munkeys yuoo need tu vurry ebuoot. I'm effreeed zeey'll try tu iscepe-a und iff thet heppens...vell, I'd stey in my ruum iff I vere-a yuoo. Bork Bork Bork!

A particulary large monkey steps in front of the Chef. He is brandishing a butcher knife.

Eh ha! Du nut try tu mess veet me-a yuoo munkey!

The Chef manages to knock the knife out of his hand but the monkey gets him in a half nelson. Das Schnitzel is cornered by two of the monkeys. But with some moves that could only have the background music of Missy Elliot's "Lose Control" she dispatches the both of them. She then goes to help the Chef but is too late. 12 monkeys (that's ironic) run out of the cafeteria doors.

Oh nu! Cume-a Des Schneetzel ve-a moost get zeem! Zee Cheeteh cun serfe-a zee fuud! Cume-a beck here-a yuoo munkeys! I cooght yuoo oonce-a I cun du it egeeen yuoo bununa ieteeng fartknockers!

The Chef runs out carrying a butchers knife and Das Schnitzel is holding a net and some bananas. She needs no weapon. Her body is already a monkey killing machine. She was in the peace corp in the seventies.

Comments

[kikidelivers.livejournal.com]

Kiki brandishes her broom and gamely takes a *thwak!* at one of the monkeys. After battling gremlins on this same hallowed field of combat, monkeys should be a piece of cake.

She asks, "Please, could I get the peacock and potatos, but without the peacock? I'd like just a dish of mashed potatos, if I could."

[scissors--.livejournal.com]

Uhh, sorry, chef? What are the 'humemede-a uneemel creckers' exactly made of? See, i'm terrible allergic to monkey, so...

[carter-i-am.livejournal.com]

Sam stuck her head into the cafeteria. Her eyes widened at the jungle motif, but she was feeling lucky today. If she understood the chef correctly, there was jell-o on the menu. Plus, free animal crackers.

"Hi. I'd like some jell-o, please. Oh, and..."

She stuck her tongue out a couple of times in rapid succession and smiled at the chef. "I'm a reticulated python. They're very quiet."

[psycho-barbie.livejournal.com]

*armed with her most innocent expression Callisto drops by before Art Class*

Chef, I was wondering if I could get some coffee for Coach Ash.

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

*Wanders in looking and sounding like a dying yak. Shep pats Das on the head.*

That's my girl! You don't even need the Uzi!

*regrets speaking so loudly instantly. Whispers to the chef*

Whatever you've got that's very, very, very bland.