Interdisciplinary Studies, Class 3, Friday, Period 1

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

Squall wasn't alone in front of the classroom today. There was an annoying jingly green glowing bug zipping around, this way and that, gesturing rather emphatically. There was also a long clothes rack on wheels, filled with all kinds of outfits, taking up a good portion of one wall. Squall had, in fact, dragged the stupid thing all the way up to the school from downtown, and he wasn't terribly happy about it.


"All right, class," Squall said, tossing the sign-in clipboard at a random student. "This class is all about what you NEED to know and DON'T, so today we're going to learn about something absolutely vital: how to dress yourselves in the morning. Because most of you don't seem to be able to without your mothers around." It was hard to tell with the bangs in his face, but he seemed to be glaring pointedly at Rikku. "Not well, anyway."

It was at this point that the jingly green bug swooped in front of Squall and stomped her foot. She gestured several times. Wasn't he even going to introduce her? What a ripoff! And she let him take all of those pretty clothes from her store!

Squall sighed at her. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce Tink. In addition to stealing liquor, she also sells clothes or something, so she's good at the whole 'fashion' thing."

Tink pirouetted happily. She was! She was very good at fashion. She was also beautiful, kind, gorgeous, giving, and she was staying with Squall out of the goodness of her heart. And 'Tink' wasn't her full name, either, but she could be generous and let that slide. See how generous she was? And he needed to buy more tequila. They were out.

"Really? Out of tequila? AGAIN?" Squall glared at his roomie. Then he looked out at the class. "Extra credit for anyone who brings me liquor."

Then he shrugged.

"Okay, so. Class. Right. Point one: You can't just throw on whatever you feel like. If you look like you've slept in your clothes, you're doing it wrong." Squall HAD, in fact, slept in the clothes he was wearing. It's not that he couldn't see the hypocrisy in that, he just didn't care.

Tink dug the wand from her cleavage and began writing in mid air. Point 2: Colors matter. She then gestured to convey the rest of her point: colors were good, colors weren't something to be avoided - and she gave her roommate a pointed look for that - but colors had to work together. Find a color wheel. Love it. Understand it. Stop throwing things together that were never, ever intended to be in the same room.

"Right", Squall said. "Or you could just stick with black. Black goes with everything. Actually... point three is: tight, black, leather. If you've got at least one of the three, you're on the right track."

Tink rolled her eyes, but he had a point. Tight, black and leather were always good in her book. More writing: Point 4: Know your body. She tucked the wand away for more gesturing. If you were tall, wear things that played that well. If you were short - and there was a death glare here implying that anyone making short jokes about her would die painfully - wearing things for very tall people would only make you look stumpier. If you had an enormous rack, you could dress in ways to show it off, or dress in ways to minimize it, but dressing as though you had tiny boobs was just going to look bad. Not everybody can wear everything. Not even someone as gorgeous as herself.

"Uh, huh. Yes, we've all seen your boobs by now." It was Squall's turn to roll his eyes. "But that leads up to point five: You can get away with more if you're hot. So make sure you clean yourself up. You know, shower every once in a while. Brush your hair. Stand up straight. Uh. Smile, or whatever." Squall shrugged. He'd showered yesterday and run his fingers through his hair this morning. That was good enough for him, but most of these kids needed work.

Yes. Smile, says the crazy grumpy guy. Tink stuck her tongue out at her roommate before pulling the wand out again. Point 6: Attitude. Rules can be broken if you know how to do it properly. Looking like you've slept in your clothes can work, but only if you carry yourself in a way that suggests this is the latest trend, and all of you plebians don't know the least thing about fashion. In fact, just about anything can be chic if you have the presence to carry it off properly.

Squall nodded thoughtfully. He still couldn't understand most of what Tink tried to say, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let the class know that. "Yeah, what she said." He shrugged. "Okay, so break into groups and discuss. What does fashion mean to you, or whatever, how badly are you dressed today, that sort of thing."

Tink waved a little and indicated that they should feel free to use her fabulous, fabulous outfit as a starting point for discussion. Wasn't she chic? So very, very stylish?


After the discussion, Squall thwapped a yardstick on his desk to get everyone's attention. "Okay, everyone. We're not even going to discuss what you're wearing right now, because it's wrong." Tink made a gagging face and pretended to choke herself. Very, very wrong. "I want all of you to come pick something off the rack and change into it, and then come up to the front of the class and show it off, one by one. Let's see if you've learned anything."


"Your homework for next week is to wear something that doesn't suck. Class dismissed."

[Wait for ocd or the fairy gets it! Clap your hands if you believe in tequila-stealing roomies!]

Comments

Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

Fashion, the personal meaning to you of:

Also, bitch about Squall hating your clothes.

Re: Discuss!

[ashockingbitch]

Jenny, who happened to be wearing a Union Jack tank top and white leather trousers, said indignantly, "There is nothing wrong with my clothes!"

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

"From the waist down," Squall amended. "Abstract designs in primary colors suck."

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink, meanwhile, was staring in horror.

Was she ... British?!

If she was a horse-faced British wench like that Wendy-bird then did that mean they were friends? Did she pronounce it Peee-tah and try to be everyone's mother and suck? Because if so she should die painfully and slowly.

... But Squall was right, the white leather trousers were fabulous.

Re: Discuss!

[ashockingbitch]

"It's not abstract," Jenny protested. "Well, technically it is, but it's representational. It's the British flag. For I am British."

Re: Discuss!

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan's own choice for clothing today happened to be an emerald green shirt he'd bought from a certain local proprietress, the sleeves rolled up slightly, with chocolate trousers and matching shoes. He raised his eyebrow. "Something wrong with the way I dress myself?" he asked.

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

"Brown is ugly," Squall confirmed. "And so's the shirt."

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Well, now. First she had to lecture Squall on the many ways in which the shirt was absolutely perfect for his coloring and fabulous.

And then she had to give Ronan a pointed look. Brown? He paired it with brown?! What happened to the lovely charcoal slacks? Really.

Re: Discuss!

[im-fullmetal.livejournal.com]

Ed looked down at his...well, okay the brown was boring and wearing gloves all the time annoying, but what could he say, his brother STILL was keeping his red coat.

"What does it matter what it looks like? Long as it's comfortable and wears well," he asked.

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

Squall raised his eyebrows. "YOU don't have to look at yourself all day long."

Re: Discuss!

[im-fullmetal.livejournal.com]

"No one's gotta look at me all day," Edward replied.

Re: Discuss!

[the_merriest]

Rikku bounced up. "Hey! I look totally fine! This is like, all Al Bhed and stuff. Plus it's bright and fun and you were saying to wear colors. I did, see?!"

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink didn't know what was wrong with this girl. Or what sense and good taste had done to her to deserve to be beaten and left bloody by the side of the road.

Re: Discuss!

[the_merriest]

"Hey!" Rikku put her hands on her hips. "I look awesome! What would you know, anyway!?"

Stupid annoying pixie. Had she been this bad when she was one?!

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

Squall stared at her. And blinked. "Okay," he said. "Would it help if I told you that everything you're wearing is wrong?"

Re: Discuss!

[grenfelzer.livejournal.com]

Carmela grins and flashes Rikku a thumbs up. As one whose fashion philosophy consisted of "as many bright colours as possible", she had to agree with her.

Re: Discuss!

[key-of-heart.livejournal.com]

"What's wrong with my clothes? They're black, and they have some leather and they're magic!" He grinned proudly.

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

"And they don't fit properly."

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink sniffed. Nobody needed that many zippers and belts and chains. It was gauche, and he had to sound like some sort of metal factory when he walked.

Re: Discuss!

[grenfelzer.livejournal.com]

Carmela? Happened to be wearing her favourite outfit: Pink boots, neon pink and green floral print cargo pants, and a black t-shirt. \

"Anything with lots of colour is good by be," Carmela says with a nod.

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

Squall rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Your outfit is giving me a migraine. Stop it."

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Tink would like to remind the girl that loud was not chic, would never be chic, and only made you look tacky. And cargo pants? Really!?

Re: Discuss!

[intraspective]

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Ino demanded with a toss of her head. She was wearing her usual purple, sleeveless, turtleneck tank top, clean bandages wrapped around her waist and down her legs. Over the bandages was a hi-cut purple skirt that reached her knees. Blue open-toe shoes completed the outfit.

Re: Discuss!

[whatever-sucks.livejournal.com]

"Do I really need to answer that?" Squall asked. "Let's start with, unless you're horribly scarred, those bandages are just tacky."

Re: Discuss!

[tinkerbitch.livejournal.com]

Blue? With purple?

And Squall covered the bandages, so really. Enough said there. "Recently released from the hospital" was not the new look for spring.