fandomhigh | Redemption: What A Crock [Period 6, Monday]

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Redemption: What A Crock [Period 6, Monday]

After the class had assembled in the danger shop, Ares pointed to two lists of names. "I have, purely randomly of course, assigned you to two groups, the Wannabe Heroes, in search of redemption, and the Annoying Sidekicks, who will supposedly aid the Heroes on their quest."

"Now, today, you will choose your sidekick. Or more accurately, your sidekick will choose you, because they're annoying that way. Heroes, your job will be to try to dissuade your sidekick from following you around on your lonely quest for redemption, however actual physical force that would result in damage to your sidekick, while amusing to me, is not generally considered a good tactic. Sidekicks, you stick to your heroes like glue. Let nothing, not even physical force, stop you."

"Well, let's get started."

[ooc: ~~wait for~~ OCD is up!]

[Roster|Previous Classes]

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Jeff may have jumped a little. He was so far out of character he might as well have been in China.

"Who?" he blurted, turning around to look behind him, then in multiple sideways directions.

Andrew nodded at Jeff's interesting approach and smiled, totally onto him.

"Ah! Good sir! Thou art too humble. You deeds of gallantness and, um, heroic-ness-es, are renowned. I will follow you even unto the edge of doom!"

Andrew felt it best that a sidekick have an English accent. Of course, his accent was appallingly bad.

"No, seriously," Jeff said. His off-kilter British accent was rock-solid, but that might have been because he was actually Welsh. "Is there someone behind me? Am I having human black spots again?" he asked, nervously.

"HA HA HA! You art so tres tres funny." Andrew got down on his knees. "Please, dear heroic one, let me be your faithful and trusting sidekick. I can fetch you water, cook your meals, sharpen your weaponry, and give you massages when the stress of it all gets to be too much!"

Jeff stared down at Andrew, perplexed. "Now why would you do that?" he asked.

Andrew frowned and stared back up at Jeff.

"Because-eth. You are the hero, I am the lowly weakling type who will do whatever is necessary to raise my social standing amongst my peers by trying to latch onto you, and because you have a kick-ass accent and I could just sit here and listen to you talk forever."

Yeah, he totally dropped the bad English accent for that last part.

Jeff... continued to stare. Well, now he knew how women felt around him. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Open, close.

"Stealth technology," he said, after a moment. "Have you considered it?"

Andrew pondered this for about a second. "Of course. Are you referring to personal or industrial applications?"

"Like in 'Incursion of the Shrew People', the sixties version," Jeff continued, doggedly, "When the army of invisible insectivores charges into the temple. They could be anywhere!" He took a moment to survey the land. "They could even be behind you. Have you considered that?"

Andrew started to look behind him, but stopped, smiling. Looking back up a Jeff, and back in character, "But thou being so heroic and good would keep me safe. Yet another of the numerous reasons I am desirous of being your goodly sidekick."

"Well," Jeff said, "You'd better go check. Just to be certain. There might be a puppy trapped in..." he took in his surroundings again, "...A hollow log somewhere!"

Andrew scrunched up his face and stood up. "I'll follow you. Lead the way and show your lowly sidekick how to free log-encased puppies!"

"We'd best split up," Jeff said, "We wouldn't want to allow the invisible insectivores to get too close to the puppy. You know what they're like. You go north!"

Andrew stomped his foot. "I go north, you run away. I know this game." Andrew crossed his arms, looking genuinely hurt. There might have even been a little extra moisture about his eyes. "You're no different than all the guys back home."

Andrew took a couple of deep breaths and muttered something about stupid class group work. "Well, Mr. Hero. I'll go nowhere but where you go."

Jeff's shoulders sort of sagged. Now he was hurt, too. "I wasn't!" he said, "That would have been rude! But you know how it is with these insectivores! They don't sit around waiting 'till the Captain comes 'round to save the puppy! Little Boy Martin has to go do it and risk potentially hazardous out of court settlements to scoop it right out of the burning Space Toaster!"

Andrew, who has having a real hard time meeting Jeff's eyes now, quietly asked, "So if I go to save the puppy from a horrible and crispy end, does that mean I'm your sidekick?"

Jeff had grown very serious somewhere halfway through his diatribe and moved his hands in the direction of Andrew's shoulders for a hopefully stern, paternal grasp.

"Andrew," he said, voice booming, "You must go and save the puppy. It is your responsibility. I feel you are ready to take it. Now I may be here when you return; I may not. Know that we both have our own quests to bear for this..." he paused, "...Period, but we shall meet one another on the other side!"

Andrew wasn't expecting to be grasped. His world momentarily went out of focus. He was too busy thinking about the warmth of Jeff's hands on his shoulders to formulate an immediate response. It would be so easy to just take a step forward and give him a hug...

He shook his head, "Ah. Alas, I fear your belief in my abilities is as yet misplaced and wrongful. I'm not ready for such a journey. I need guidance and help from your, um..." Andrew gulped, "...strong hands. And I've just brought to my recollection the, ah, remembrance of my terrible puppy allergy."

Andrew's head bobbed a little as he fought the urge to lean his head to the side and rest it on one of Jeff's hands.

"Nonsense!" Jeff replied, oblivious to Andrew's, er, discomfort, "Why, when I was your age, did I balk at facing the Dreaded Telephone on my own? The heroes of the land begged to guide me! But I said no! No! I will do this on my own, and when I return, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am ready for sidekickery!" He was really running with it now.

"This puppy is your Grail, Andrew! A million insectivores stand along this jagged path, but it is a mile you must walk alone to prove yourself! Face the aliens so that you may live to be a true sidekick! You must show great honour to fight at my side!"

Andrew was really impressed. He was totally ~~falling for Jeff~~ buying Jeff's impassioned speech.

He looked up into his hero's eyes, years of Dungeons and Dragons role playing experience emboldening his every word, "I want for nothing more than to make you proud of me. I accept this quest in hopes of earning your trust and respect. You'll not be sorry!"

Andrew stepped forward and went to embrace Jeff, throwing his arms wide and attempting to bury his head in the other man's shoulder.

Jeff got hugged. He was blinking. Eventually he moved to pat Andrew on the back in a manly fashion before attempting to extricate himself. "I have faith in you," he said, cheerfully, if nervously. "Off you go."

Andrew turned and boldly walked away. He knew had had just failed the assignment, but he had got a hug. Totally worth it.

After sixteen years of being Jeff, the feeling of having absolutely no idea what just happened was like a comforting blanket to him.

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Redemption: What A Crock [Period 6, Monday]

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