fandomhigh | Stabbing People for Fun and Profit: Mercenary Work for Beginners, Monday, Period 4

There was a more subdued happy bounce over teaching teenagers how to be mercenaries today. It was the last class period after all. That might explain the large selection of pastries laid out for the consumption of the students. When they all arrived, Deadpool started his lecture.

"I hope you all had fun on the trip and finally got all that paint off. And also? Two thumbs up for excellent paint fighting skills!"This was, of course, accompanied by the mentioned gesture. "Today is a sad day, however, as it is the last day of this class. Yes, yes, I know. Tears and rending of garments all around. But don't worry kids, you'll find a way to move on with your lives. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to use these skills for important things."

Pause.

"Like hiding embarrassing things in your friends apartment so they won't find them until an inopportune moment. Which I haven't at all and you can't say I did!"

Oh yes, there was something shifty going on there, but then again, when wasn't there something shifty with Deadpool?

He grinned at them, bouncing a little again. "I'm going to miss this class! I hope to see you all again in the fall! Enjoy the food!"

[[~~Bleh! OCD! Wait!~~ And have at it!]]

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"Good for her." It wasn't his car. His car died horribly in Vegas.

(It died like it lived. In a ball of fire and pain.)

"Wait, did she crash into my house or something?"

Ooooo. "Possibly? Oui!" The sockpuppet nodded hard. Glitter flew everywhere. "There were explosions! And crashes!" Madame Sockpuppet swooped around and then declaimed, "Insurance companies weep! Weep, I say!"

"And my roommate and the kid? Were they in the crash?"

Not that he was worried. Zaraki took enough stab wounds to prove he was made of hardier stuff. He just wanted to see how far Evie would go with this.

"Kid?" Evie looked dismayed, and the sockpuppet drooped. "No no no! The, um, firemen got them out! Just fine! Not even smoky! Mademoiselle Evie is very very sorry!" She and the sockpuppet both nodded hard. "She was very worried about your wrath! And so she told me to tell you!" Big sad eyes.

"I did not know we had a fire department here," Deadpool said thoughtfully. "I knew about Sheriff Porn Star and those troopers, but no fire department. Do they have that wonderfully cliche inbred spotty dog?"

"Oui, Jerome!" Evie's totally lost in whatever's going on here now. She's also stuck back on-- "Sheriff Porn Star?" she asked, voice skirling upward.

"Oh no, I've said to much," Deadpool replied quickly. "Ignore any rumors you might have heard about the new Sheriff. None of them are true. At all. Especially not the porn star one."

Drooping and very discombobulated sockpuppet. Big-eyed Evie. Blink. Blink.

"...mmm. Okay. Merci beacoup." She shook her head. "They wouldn't really hire..."

"Well the former sheriff was a mercenary for hire, who knows..."

And Deadpool left it at that. Imagination time.

Evie put her hands to her face, with the sockpuppet still on. "Oh dear." She shook her head, completely thrown off stride. "Well then. Um." What on earth had they been talking about?

Her crashing a car into his house. Right. Right. She paused, considering criminal charges with a porn-star sheriff. Oh, that was unsettling. "Your house is still standing?"

Ah, his work here was done. He needed to spread this porn-star rumor as much as humanly possible.

"Good, good. I like that house. Very cozy."

Someday, Evie's touching faith in the veracity of authority figures would be shaken. That day was not today, though.

"Yay," she said, very solemnly. "And, my time in Mr. Crichton's class is almost over." She just wished she'd done better. She sighed and took the sockpuppet off her hand and offered it to him. "For yours and the Professor's children, Mr. Deadpool."

Deadpool made a face. "Aly's the pregnant one here, not me or Arashi!"

And huzzah, a teeeeeny victory. "Of course! Of course." She smiled brightly. "I won't say another word." Evie zipped her lips and threw away an imaginary key.

Deadpool brightened suddenly. "Would you be able to bring a package to her from me? She forgot it back on the camping trip and I just know she'll be missing it." He looked around. "It's a bit private though."

Moment of victory over, Evie brightened. "Certainly!" She always did feel a little guilty about being annoying, no matter how much the Professor deserved it. "Should I deliver it to her home?"

"That would be best," Deadpool said with a nod. "When you have a moment really."

And no, there was no reason he had been carrying the breast pump around in brown paper wrapping with him today. Nope. Nothing wrong with that. He had just been hoping to run into Aly and give it back.

"I have all of tomorrow free, if that's soon enough," Evie said. "I'll just tell her that you wanted me to drop it off, then."

"That would be great."

(MWAHAHAHAHA!)

Yes, internal monologue evil laughter. It was the way to go.

Blissfully unaware of being made an Instrument of Evil, Evie took the package and smiled. "Have a splendid day, Professor. Remember the sockpuppet!"

Stabbing People for Fun and Profit: Mercenary Work for Beginners, Monday, Period 4

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