fandomhigh | Tuesday, June 19th - Third Period - Advanced Beginner's Guide to How Not to Be Seen (The Larch)

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Tuesday, June 19th - Third Period - Advanced Beginner's Guide to How Not to Be Seen (The Larch)

This week, the Jerryclass was in the Activities Area again. Aren't you all thrilled? We knew that you would be.

This week, the Jerries are wearing identical blue headbands over their wigs, and one Jerry is carrying a clipboard. The clipboard, incidentally, has four parking tickets from 1989 and last week's Classified Ads. The other Jerry is holding a rubber chicken covered in salsa.

"Places everyone!" cried one Jerry. "Places!"

"We cannot start the play!" cried the other Jerry. "Hildegaarde is not here!"

"It isn't a play!" hissed the first Jerry. "It is ballet!"

"But Jerry! We have no creamed corn!"

"No, Jerry. Creamed corn is only for musicals."

"Why, Jerry! That's even worse!"

"Luckily, I brought four eggs," beamed one Jerry.

"Jerry! You are a genius!"

"Now!"

Both Jerries wave to the class. "Good morning, students!"

"Welcome to Driver's Education as a Second Language!"

"Put your scripts away! If you don't know your lines yet, you'll never get them right!"

"This is opening night! This is no time to be working on blocking!"

"We are going to put on the best show that this hospital has ever seen!"

"For next week's homework, you must graph the results of phones on fried wheat toast!"

"A bar graph, Jerry!"

"For now, you must get dressed! It is nearly curtain time!"

"We have no Hildegaarde! You must be Hildegaarde!"

"You will all be Hildegaarde!"

"Except those of you who aren't!"

"Now begin!"

"Do it with feeling!"

"With emotion!"

"With pizzazz!"

"With pizza sauce!"

"Jerry! We have no pistachios!"

While they strangle each other, do see about starting Swan Lake, won't you?

(OCD: ~~WIP~~ WTF. Finished. Come play, yes, Jerry.)

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Use a pretty ballerina name, Jerry!

Warrina Cheswick

Mollya Hayeskaya

Soquarino Burrito-Mortador

Lizabetha Sherman

James Halpertineraromanotopia

Donatello Terrapinova

Lucas "The Nutcracker" Wolenczak

Cedricina VonDiggory

Aren't you glad you've now wasted five hours with these loons? Enjoy hour six!

Warren edged furiously towards any conceivable exit while trying to look subtle. Crazy he could handle.

No way was he doing crazy ballet.

Sokka smiled. Oh, the fun would never ~~start~~ end!

Jim couldn't believe that they still found new ways to be insane.

The costume racks have strange and spangly outfits of all kinds of moddable craziness. Pirates, cowboys, ballerinas, salesmen, bad Vegas magicians, Ren Faire, flappers ... get creative with it. Go in drag! Paint your face green!

If you have weird icons you never, ever get to use, feel free to use this as an excuse to abuse the hell out of them.

Oh, look! Molly found a costume similar to what she wore for Halloween last year.

Oh, look! They had a purple velvet fedora with a leopard-print band! Sokka was in LOVE.

Jim didn't want to know why there was a blowup doll in with the costumes, but he had his dance partner.

Pick a part! Be Hildegaarde! Everyone should be Hildegaarde! Be Third Lieutenant from the Right! Be Batman! Be all that you can be!

Sokka danced (as best as he could, anyway) over to the Jerries. "Can I be the lead Hot Guy?"

"Yes!" one Jerry announced cheerfully.

"Yes, you may indeed be on flames."

"Burn, Jerry!"

"Spicy and salsa-fying!"

"You shall be our taco lead!"

Jim and the blowup doll danced over to the Jerries. "Albertina here would like to be Hildegaarde. That's Hildegaarde, not Hildegaarde."

"Albertina can't be Hildegaarde," explained one Jerry.

"She's already Hildegaarde."

"You can't be Hildegaarde and Hildegaarde."

"That would be madness, Jerry!"

"Imagine the lines!"

"We'd never be able to buy butter then!"

As the music swells (helpfully provided by a tiny record player), those of you who know Swan Lake will realize this isn't Swan Lake. Those of you who know The Nutcracker will realize this is the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy. Those of you who played a lot of Tetris will now be imagining blocks and lines.

The program (crayon, scribbled on a Denny's menu) says:

ACT I!!!! HILDEGAARDE THE BEAUTIFUL SWAN-PIGEON REALIZES HER TRUE LOVE BATMAN IS A TOWEL-MAKER AND THEY CANNOT BE TOGETHER. LUCKILY THERE'S A PIRATE BOY WHO KILLS THE POPSICLES AND THEN A LARGE DANCE NUMBER.

Considering it's the Jerries, feel free to throw that out the window and make up your own plot.

This time, those of you who play too many video games will recognize the song as "One-Winged Angel." The rest of you might wonder who this Sephiroth guy is and why the choir keeps singing his name.

The program (crayon, scribbled on the back of Act I's Denny's menu) says:

ACT II! WHICH IS NOT ACT I! HILDEGAARDE IS RESCUED BY ZOMBIE ANGELS AND SHE AND THE DONKEYS FLY TO THE MAGIC LAND OF BATTERY CHARGERS! BATMAN TIES HIS SHOELACES FOUR TIMES! FOUR AND NOT SIX! THEN A MASKED MAN EATS PEANUT BUTTER!

Of course, considering that it's the Jerries ... improvisation is a good thing, right?

If you were around in the 80s, then you probably recognize A-Ha's "Take On Me", also known as the video with that girl who falls into a comic book and then the guy sings to her but there are crazy racer guys with wrenches and he helps her out back into the diner in the real world and she thinks he's gone forever and cries but he shows up in her room, Jerry! And they embrace and all is well and happy!

The program (magic marker, written on the back of a receipt from Dunkin' Donuts) says:

ACT III! WHICH IS LATER THAN ACT II! HILDEGAARDE SWIMS IN MILK LAKE STADIUM TO A SOLD-OUT CROWD! BATMAN AND HIS PIRATE BOYFRIEND MAKE OUT! THE DONKEYS TURN INTO MAGICAL UNICORNS! THE MASKED MAN EATS MORE PEANUT BUTTER!

Consider it a starting point, perhaps?

Act IV is, of course, intermission.

Have some snacks.

The music: ABBA's "Waterloo."

The program: ketchup packets on a spare bit of ceiling tile.

The text:

ACT V! ALL IS REVEALED! COMEDY! TRAGEDY! ROCKS FALL AND EVERYONE DIES, JERRY! EXCEPT HILDEGAARDE! AND BATMAN! AND THE ALIENS! ALL OF WHOM EAT PEANUT BUTTER WITH THE MASKED MAN! WHO IS SECRETLY A ROCKETTE! AND BATMAN'S TWIN BROTHER!

Really, they don't remember any of that anyway, so ...

His Grace is, of course, more than welcome to be part of the play.

Hamlet was here as the TA.

If you asked him, he'd tell you that he was waiting for the performance of Swan Lake to end so that he could come on stage as Giselle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giselle) during the epilogue.

I am using a different icon this time, you icon thief! :p

He was more than welcome to dance the epilogue!

Would he like some sardines thrown at him, during such epilogue? For old times' sake.

Because you want to get crazy on you.

Me: I ... have absolutely no idea what to do for Jerryclass.

importantman: I say the Jerries should coordinate the students into a clever rendition of Swan Lake, making use of inflatable pool toys and a helicopter.
Me: ... You are a mad genius and I love you and I'm stealing that.

no, srsly, that's how it went down ...

... and I didn't realize until now that I forgot the inflatable pool toys and helicopter. WTF, self.

HEE!

I'm so sorry I have to miss this. <3 <3 <3

Somewhere, Valentine feels a strange tingling.

"I ... why do I feel as though I should be eating peanut butter?!"

Of course you realize that I'll be stealing that.

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Tuesday, June 19th - Third Period - Advanced Beginner's Guide to How Not to Be Seen (The Larch)

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Boggle and/or Chat Amongst Yourselves

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Get Dressed, Jerry!

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Fight Over Parts, Jerry!

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Act I!

Act II!

Act III!

Act IV!

Act V!

Talk to Our Illustrious TA!

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Talk to the Jerries!

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