fandomhigh | Tuesday, May 29 - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to just make something up, honestly

"We have done it!" cried one Jerry.

"We have found it!" shouted the other.

They were inside the Activities Area, running around in cheerful circles and flailing their arms. So, just like always, but with happy instead of panic.

"We have discovered the key to decoding the secrets of the universe!"

"It is here! It is ours! We have brought it to you, Jerry!"

"The Rosetta Stone!"

"The Extended Metaphor!"

"The Four for Old Times' Sake!"

"The Seattle Times!"

"The Times New Roman!"

"The Times Old Roman!"

"Behold!" Both Jerries swept their arms dramatically, revealing ...

kitten eating pen

... an orange-and-white kitten, lounging on a cushion, cheerfully eating a pen.

"THIS IS NO ORDINARY CAT!" cried one Jerry.

"This is ... THE ORACLE!" cried the other.

The Retarded Kitten Oracle yawned and set his chin on his paws. The wig-people were loud and it was his naptime.

"We have asked it many questions, Jerry."

"It always tells the truth!"

"It only tells the truth!"

"It cannot tell a lie!"

"It cannot lie down!"

The Retarded Kitten Oracle blinked a few times. Was it food time?

"For this month's issue of Investigative Abnormalities Weekly, you will be speaking directly with the Oracle. Ask questions about your future, the lottery, the fate of the world!"

"Ask questions about which microwaveable snack treat is transmitting pop songs into your mind."

"Ask questions about yourself, and be amazed at the results!"

The Retarded Kitten Oracle stuck his tongue out a little bit. He was having a good day. Every day was a good day when you were a Retarded Kitten.

"Now go! And report back! Have the files to us by six-thirty or you will be fired, Jerry!"

[OOC: ~~OCD'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes ...~~ OCD is up. Play on.]

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"Well, now I know why they weren't in the store," Jim said to himself. "They were out capturing a kitten. I hope they don't try to eat it."

"Why are you purple?" Molly, who really had no room to talk since she was still in her goth wear from first period, asked blinking in surprise.

"That," Jim said, pausing a moment to think of the best version of the story to tell, "is kind of hard to explain. The short version is that you should be careful who you joke about Peeps with. They might convince you that something's a good idea."

He was feeling charitable and had decided to tell the truth.

Molly raised her eyebrows at him. "You did this on purpose?"

Jim smiled and said, "Of course not. I was trying for a darker shade. I thought it would bring out my eyes more."

Molly snickered. "There are easier ways to do that, you know."

"Well, yeah, but easy isn't always as interesting. And it usually doesn't smell vaguely of bananas," Jim said. He didn't even wait for her to ask. "The banana smell covers up the vinegar smell."

"You could always just put a banana in your shirt pocket."

"Yeah, but then somebody who thinks they're really funny would make a joke about 'Is that a banana in your pocket' and that would be weird. It's safer this way," Jim assured her. And then, in an attempt to leave the banana joke far behind, he said, "So, what's with your new look today? It's a little different from the past couple weeks."

"I volunteered for Professor Abby's class this morning, the Goth Eye for the Prep Guy one? I haven't had time to change yet."

"That would explain it," Jim said. "I don't know, I think you need some color in there. I have some yellow dye if you want to add some brightness."

Molly shook her head and looked down her nose at him. "The only approved goth colors are 'Black Like My Soul', 'Red As Blood' and 'Cadaver White'," she joked. "There is no yellow in goth."

"I also have pink and a light blue," Jim offered. "Nothing says 'goth' like a light blue face."

Molly shook her head again. "No. I really don't want to be blue. People would start calling me Smurfette."

"Hmm. Yeah, a goth Smurfette would be kind of weird," Jim said. "Oh well, I tried to pull you over to the pastel side. You're just doomed to a lifetime of pale skin and gloomy poetry. I'm sorry I couldn't help."

Molly smirked. "Maybe I'm just going through a phase and will grow out of it."

"We can only hope. The old look suits you better, I think," Jim said. Not that he had room to talk about old looks, what with his being purple.

Molly smiled. "Is your new look permanent?"

"I hope not. It's just Easter egg dye, so hopefully it'll wash out tonight," Jim said.

Tuesday, May 29 - Period 3 - Advanced Beginner's Guide to just make something up, honestly

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