fandomhigh | Sex Ed the GOB Bluth Way #2, Monday, Period 3

By the main campfire, a several tables with stools were set up.

When everyone had shown up and taken a seat, GOB smiled. "Hello, class. It's been brought to my attention that some of you don't think I have any idea what I'm talking about when it comes to sex. I'll have you know that I have at least one son who worships the ground I walk on and probably a few more kids that I've never even heard about."

"With that out of the way," GOB said, even though he didn't really need a segue for reasons that should be fairly obvious, "let's move to a subject that I know a lot about: getting a potential sexual partner drunk. Or as I like to call it, ."

"Now, at least one person in this class thinks that the suggestion that any of you are attractive is wrong, so booze is pretty much only shot any of you have with her. Try to figure out who little miss diva is. If you can identify her to me before the end of class, you'll get some extra credit!"

"Booze is the great equalizer. When someone is way too hot for you, or too stuck up, or otherwise kind of a bitch but you want to get into his or her pants anyway, the best way to do this is to get them drunk. This works best if you're both at a bar."

"The direct method to getting someone drunk if you're just meeting them is to walk up to them, try some sort of line to chat them up, then offer to buy them a drink. Bad lines include 'Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!' and 'Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?' That one makes them think you think they're a prostitute. If she's not a prostitute, she will take offense to that. A guy will probably take the money."

"If you're a chicken, you can always have the bartender just bring your target a drink and make sure he points you out. If your target gives any indication that they appreciate the gesture, don't be a wuss. Walk over there and start talking. You don't necessarily have to use a line here, but if you have a good one it can't hurt too much."

"A riskier method is to scope out somebody who's already had a few and try to swoop in and pick them up. If this interrupts somebody else trying to get them drunk, you might have a fight on your hands. If the person was just getting themselves plastered, you may be dealing with a depressed person. If it's the right kind of depression, though, you're in. Being a rebound can be a lot of fun."

"You can also try to get a person drunk by throwing a drink at their face and hoping they swallow enough of it to make a difference, but that usually doesn't work," GOB said. He probably wasn't being serious.

"It works the other way, too. Are you way too attractive or bitchy for people like little miss perfect? Do you still want to get some action despite this? Get yourself drunk and see who you end up with at the end of the night. It's not always the best way of doing things -" GOB knew that well, "- but it keeps things interesting."

"For today's activity, you're going to try to get somebody drunk. Since this is a school thing, I can't actually give you booze according to a nasty letter the dean of students sent me, but we have various non-alcoholic drinks to make up for that and you can pretend it's actual booze. Four of you will sit at one of these tables and have anything you want to drink. My assistant Tino will be playing the part of a bartender."

"Everyone else will be able to walk up to as many people they want and try to score through fake alcoholic bribery. Bug Tino to give them something. Walk up and chat them up. If you can get them to have two drinks or agree to leave their seat with you, you win. If they stop accepting your drinks or tell you to go away, you lose. Simple as that."

"Now let's get some people fake drunk!"

[OOC: Anyone looking to get the extra credit by outing she who thinks she's better than everyone else can do so in the Talk to GOB thread.

Also, there is no extra credit.

Standard availability applies.]

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"In my hometown, yes," Willow said. "I grew up on a Hellmouth."

"What's that?" She asked.

"Pretty much what it sounds like," Willow said. "We were kind of a magnet to all things evil and occasionally slimey."

Inara made a face, "It doesn't sound very different from the stories I'm hearing about this place."

"Fandom is a bit like home," Willow agreed. "Higher on the number of folks from different dimensions, but as far as weirdness, wackiness, and what have you, it could be Sunnydale's sister town. Or brother. I never understood why towns had to be female."

"Because the people do the naming and classifying are men?" She suggested, then asked, "How do you live like that, all of the time? Doesn't it get tiring?"

"I dunno. You get used to it I guess." Willow shrugged. "Actually most folks in my town are hugely in denial. Like bigger than the snake huge. There's only a few of us who face what's really happening."

"And you just...what, make faces at all the people who don't believe you?" Inara noticed her juice was empty and signaled to Tino, "Do you want something? My treat, since you're telling me all this useful information."

Happily, it was even true.

"Sure!" Willow said. "Diet Coke, please. And after a while we just get used to not being believed too much. You can shout about vampires until you're blue in the face, but folks will still think it's gangs on PCP."

Tino delivered both a Diet Coke to Willow and more pineapple juice to Inara. "I don't think I understood most of your last sentence. What are vampires and PCP?"

"Oh, sorry," Willow said. "PCP is a kind of drug. Illegal. Bad. And vampires are the soulless walking undead who can't go out in daylight but try to kill you by sucking your blood. Except for Angel. He's souled, so he's okay."

Inara shivered, thinking of the rumors she'd heard of Reavers, for some reason. "Are there a lot of vampires?"

"In Sunnydale? Yeah," Willow said. "The Hellmouth attracts 'em. Plus there always seems to be more at certain times of year, like February and May."

"Why do you stay?"

Willow looked a bit sad at that. "Um. Well, I liked helping. And - and I help here now. Kinda."

"There are vampires here?" Inara may have looked a little alarmed about that.

"Not since Angel graduated," Willow said. "Mel's kinda disappointed about that."

She relaxed, "Why is she disappointed?" Not that she knew Mel. "And how do you help?"

"Mel's a vampire Slayer," Willow said. "Actually there's a few others here too, like Buffy and Vi. I help through magic, computers, and other forms of non-Slayer support."

"You do magic?" That sounded very interesting, even if she didn't know much about either that or slayers. "And what do you do on computers? Are you connected to the cortex?"

"No, but I'm a darn good hacker if you don't mind me saying so," Willow said. "There's not a computer around that I can't make sit up and do my bidding."