Dealing With Stupid People [Monday, May 14, 2nd period]

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh was obviously uncomfortable with the whole "being outside" thing as he perched on a picnic bench and smiled at the students as they assembled.

"Okay, one of the most annoying things you will encounter in your life will be other people," he began, rolling his eyes. "Most of us -- in my universe, anyway, some of you might have other experiences -- can't kill them by using our brains, so we have to come up with different coping methods. We'll get to the more advanced techniques -- sarcasm, the strategic use of an eye roll -- later, but today we'll start out with something that gives you a lot of chance to practice before you send out the final product."

He pulled out a sheaf of papers and dropped it onto the table. "Writing back to stupid people!" he said triumphantly. "In this exercise you need to reply to these obviously deranged letters in a polite way without asking if they've thought to seek professional help for their delusions. There are five different letters so pair up with a partner -- it's better to double check your language against someone else, at least at the beginning -- and write back to these completely insane people."

Josh grinned. "Questions? Problems? I don't really care, but ask anyway."

Comments

Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Hey sweetie, you wanna attract chick at the club? Try Ultra Allure pheromones!

-Attract women of all ages

-Excite women before even talking to them

-Make women want to sleep with you immediately

-Millions of men are already using them!

-Proven to work!

[OOC: *snerk*]

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny scratched his head, looked around at everone else, then wondered aloud, "Uhh."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan looked over Johnny's shoulder at the letter. "Huh," he said, "this one at least looks coherent."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

He smirked, "That it is. Johnny Storm," he reached over to shake the guys hand.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Ronan Nolan," Ronan replied, shaking Johnny's hand. "Any idea where to start with this?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"Pleasure to meet you, Ronan," he said, looking back down at the letter. "Well, seems to me this might be pretty easy if we think about it. Take the first line - what attracts women of all ages?" He grinned. "Hot guys of course."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan nodded. "Some guys just don't need the help." He considered the letter. "For those who do... there must be better ways than something like this, even assuming that they'd have any approximation of working." He pulled out a piece of paper and started writing:

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny leaned over, reading as Ronan wrote. "Ultra Allure phermones?" Johnny wasn't the smartest guy on the block, at least in certain subjects, and it was obvious he was impressed with Ronan's resourcefullness.

"And the next? Hey, are we each supposed to write our own letters? Because I'm liking the way your going here."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan thought back to the original lecture. "He... didn't actually say? I think we just write the one." He looked at the letter they were replying to. "Hm. Perhaps we could discuss how... improving oneself better increases one's attractiveness to women? In terms of, say, personal appearance and self-confidence."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"That'll work." He responded, but then he frowned, "Let's take us for example and apply it to the letter. You tell me what I could do to improve my personal appearance, and I'll tell you. Therefore our letter is based on facts. What do you think?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan smirked. "I... don't think you have much to worry about. You keep yourself up pretty well. I'm talking more about the kind of guys who don't know how to dress well, or can't keep up proper hygiene." He grinned. "I'm certain you're familiar with the type."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Ben popped into his head. But then Ben was a rock. "Hmm, I think I could think of a couple people that could benefit from a shower upon occassion." He grinned. "And thanks Ronan, you keep up yourself pretty well too."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Thank you." Ronan looked at what he'd written so far, and then started writing again.

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution. Often, a better solution when attempting to attract one's desired gender is self-improvement; the average man with this difficulty has a tendency to be one of three things:

1) poor at personal hygiene;
2) obnoxious, rude, and/or selfish
3) ridiculously low in self-confidence

He passed the page to Johnny. "Thoughts?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Taking it in hand, he read over it, "Perfect. But you know? I get two and three but one? Dude, how can someone just ignore the fact that they stink?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

Inara frowned at the letter. Maybe she'd just tell Professor GOB in person that it didn't work.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[bocce-baal.livejournal.com]

Ba'al chuckled. The girl, he wasn't sure of her name, looked as confused as he felt.
"I think," he said, "that I'd rather NOT deal with stupid people."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

"I don't think that's an option," she whispered.

Dear Sir,

I am sorry to inform you that you make outrageous claims on behalf of your product....

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[bocce-baal.livejournal.com]

"You're right," he admitted, "they have to be dealt with some way."
He looked down at his own piece of paper.

This letter is to inform you that if you do not cease your ridiculously exaggerated claims, I shall be delighted forced to eradicate you and the rest of your pathetic-

"In the context of, say, extermination, would you refer to the human scourge as a race or a species?" Ba'al asked.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

Inara considered. "First, we're not a scourge. Second, I think we're a species, because there are many races within the species."

If you continue to raise these false expectations, humanity will die out from lack of sex, and that would be on our head.

"Hmmm. Threaten or coax?" She asked, pondering.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[bocce-baal.livejournal.com]

"Scourge or not, I do believe you're right," Ba'al agreed. He shrugged, "I feel threatening is almost always best. Coaxing takes more effort and seems to produce little effect. Of course, it depends on your audience."

He crossed eradicate off the page and replaced it with educate. He could do this.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

"I tend to lean towards coaxing, but maybe that works better in person?" She worried. "What about a person who is making stupid claims about sexual aids?"

Perhaps you should try oysters and reading the kama sutra instead? There are many illustrated versions that are available, complete with step-by-step instructions.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[bocce-baal.livejournal.com]

"With stupidity, I believe it's probably better to go with the simplest option. Most people can understand a knife to the throat, but they may not get subtle complimenting."

He scratched his head. He wasn't really taking his own advice, but he knew if he wanted to fit in he'd have to tone down the overtly evil warlord part of this character.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

"How do I send a knife through the mail?" She asked, tapping her pen against the paper and wondering if Chinese would be a more expressive medium, "Don't the authorities catch that kind of thing?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[bocce-baal.livejournal.com]

Ba'al wasn't sure if she was serious or not. He really hoped not. Even he was familiar enough with Tau'ri post to know such things would be unacceptable. Then again, he had been on the planet before...

"I suppose they might," Ba'al said sardonically, "and then they might be the ones who have to deal with stupid people."

Why was he taking this class again? All Tau'ri were stupid!

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[ambassadorinara.livejournal.com]

"I'd hope so, but I have no idea how vigilant they are, or what the rules are for sending things through the mail--usually I just order items off the cortex, and nothing can be ordered that's illegal to mail," she explained, then frowned at the implications of what he'd said.

"Being unknowledgeable about the laws of a planet you've never seen does not make you stupid, you know."