Dealing With Stupid People [Monday, May 14, 2nd period]

[professor-lyman.livejournal.com]

Josh was obviously uncomfortable with the whole "being outside" thing as he perched on a picnic bench and smiled at the students as they assembled.

"Okay, one of the most annoying things you will encounter in your life will be other people," he began, rolling his eyes. "Most of us -- in my universe, anyway, some of you might have other experiences -- can't kill them by using our brains, so we have to come up with different coping methods. We'll get to the more advanced techniques -- sarcasm, the strategic use of an eye roll -- later, but today we'll start out with something that gives you a lot of chance to practice before you send out the final product."

He pulled out a sheaf of papers and dropped it onto the table. "Writing back to stupid people!" he said triumphantly. "In this exercise you need to reply to these obviously deranged letters in a polite way without asking if they've thought to seek professional help for their delusions. There are five different letters so pair up with a partner -- it's better to double check your language against someone else, at least at the beginning -- and write back to these completely insane people."

Josh grinned. "Questions? Problems? I don't really care, but ask anyway."

Comments

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan thought back to the original lecture. "He... didn't actually say? I think we just write the one." He looked at the letter they were replying to. "Hm. Perhaps we could discuss how... improving oneself better increases one's attractiveness to women? In terms of, say, personal appearance and self-confidence."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"That'll work." He responded, but then he frowned, "Let's take us for example and apply it to the letter. You tell me what I could do to improve my personal appearance, and I'll tell you. Therefore our letter is based on facts. What do you think?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan smirked. "I... don't think you have much to worry about. You keep yourself up pretty well. I'm talking more about the kind of guys who don't know how to dress well, or can't keep up proper hygiene." He grinned. "I'm certain you're familiar with the type."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Ben popped into his head. But then Ben was a rock. "Hmm, I think I could think of a couple people that could benefit from a shower upon occassion." He grinned. "And thanks Ronan, you keep up yourself pretty well too."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Thank you." Ronan looked at what he'd written so far, and then started writing again.

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution. Often, a better solution when attempting to attract one's desired gender is self-improvement; the average man with this difficulty has a tendency to be one of three things:

1) poor at personal hygiene;
2) obnoxious, rude, and/or selfish
3) ridiculously low in self-confidence

He passed the page to Johnny. "Thoughts?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Taking it in hand, he read over it, "Perfect. But you know? I get two and three but one? Dude, how can someone just ignore the fact that they stink?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"It's not just about a lack of showering. It's... general upkeep. Decent haircuts, proper skin care..." Mind you, when you could quite literally talk a pimple out of forming before it even became noticeable, proper skin care became quite a lot easier. "And, yes, some people have less than attractive odours. Not everyone can tell this about themselves, though."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny was just nodding. Actually? He never gave much thought to how he took care of himself. He did what he did and that was it. He knew he looked good. Knew he smelled good; he worked out and his body was in great shape. A ritual after time became one with who he was and what he did.

"Let me ask you something, Ronan, do you help these sort of people out?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Never really gave them much thought. I've been busy lately saving the universe. Which doesn't seem all that uncommon around here." He shrugged. "I just notice things, is all."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

That was interesting, "Where are you from?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Ireland. County Wicklow. I'm getting the impression, however, that it's a very, very different Earth than this one." He shrugged. "Which, again, seems to be rather common here."

He turned back to the paper. "Okay, so, we've underlined the three major problems. Pheromones of the variety they're advertising could, theoretically, work to prevent those issues from repulsing a woman. It seems to me, though, that it would be better just to work through the issues rather than around them."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny knew Ireland. On a map that is. How did someone from Ireland save the universe? Unless Ronan was speaking metaphorically in which case Johnny wouldn't ask. Didn't want to appear stupid now did he?

"Working around them probably wouldn't do anyone a whole lot of good. Attacking the issue at hand, is best. I believe."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Exactly. So..." Ronan took the paper and started writing again.

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution. Often, a better solution when attempting to attract one's desired gender is self-improvement; the average man with this difficulty has a tendency to be one of three things:

1) poor at personal hygiene;
2) obnoxious, rude, and/or selfish
3) ridiculously low in self-confidence

While your product, should it work as advertised, would appear to work around any such issues that might plague a given man, it is our belief that the best solution would be for the man to mature in such a way that he was able to take better care of himself physically, offer a certain degree of empathy and understanding to the women in question, and think of himself as someone who is capable of succeeding. As such, we feel that your product is distinctly unnecessary.

Ronan paused for a moment, and then added:

Also, your promises that your product, first, is proven work, and secondly, is used by millions of men, are unsubstantiated. If you expect us to believe them, we require that you offer proof of these facts: peer-reviewed studies, demographic information, etc.

Thank you. We hope to receive a swift reply.

He handed the letter to Johnny. "I think it's finished."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

After Johnny finished reading, he handed it back to Ronan, looking a little more than awed. "I'm totally impressed." Cause there was no way he could come up with something so well written. Nope. He probably wouldn't have even tried either.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Thanks. I've had a lot of practice being precise with my words." He shrugged. "Wizardry's all about precision of language."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

"Wizardry?" So Ronan was all about magic, eh? "You practice your craft often?" What? Johnny had no idea how these magic people worked. And he was interested. If he could see a little demo every now and then, that was way cool with him.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan nodded. "Often enough. There are a lot of day-to-day applications for it, when you're not being asked to jump around the universe at risk of life and limb."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny could understand that, to a degree. "I get you on that, the saving the universe and all. Course," he admitted, "my universe is scaled way down to have only included New York, but I'm betting that will change over the course of time."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

"Probably," Ronan said. "Do you have abilities of some kind? I guess... the better you are at something, the more the universe calls you to do it on an increasingly larger scale."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

He grinned and snapped his fingers, producing a small fire ball in his hand, "I like to play with fire." His eyes met Ronan's. "So to speak."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. You'll probably find yourself called to higher and higher purposes. The universe likes to give people like us a chance to stretch our talents."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

Johnny's grin was sublime, "Yes, I imagine I will." He wouldn't comment on what he has already accomplished with his talents, just like he assumed Ronan wouldn't as well unless asked specifically. Which Johnny in a roundabout way did, "What is your strength, Ronan?"

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan opened his mouth to reply, but then hesitated. Finally, he said, "... I'm not sure anymore. I had a specialty for combat wizardries, but... specialties change. I think mine's changing, but I'm not yet sure into what."

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[fantastic-torch.livejournal.com]

(*dies from icon love*)

"That's...interesting. Is this accepting to you, or is it more a bother? Nothing has changed with me." So far. And Johnny pretty much hoped it stayed that way. He wasn't keen on change.

Re: Write to Stupid People: Letter #5

[not_in_the_book]

(Aha, thanks. I'm quite fond of most of yours.)

Ronan shrugged. "Specialties change. A friend of mine has had hers change, and she's only been a wizard for a little over a year." He took a breath. "And my... circumstances have changed, so it's unsurprising that my specialty would change, too." The unobservant might not pick up on the "ZOMG I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS" vibe emanating from that last sentence.