fandomhigh | Dealing With Stupid People [Monday, May 14, 2nd period]

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Dealing With Stupid People [Monday, May 14, 2nd period]

Josh was obviously uncomfortable with the whole "being outside" thing as he perched on a picnic bench and smiled at the students as they assembled.

"Okay, one of the most annoying things you will encounter in your life will be other people," he began, rolling his eyes. "Most of us -- in my universe, anyway, some of you might have other experiences -- can't kill them by using our brains, so we have to come up with different coping methods. We'll get to the more advanced techniques -- sarcasm, the strategic use of an eye roll -- later, but today we'll start out with something that gives you a lot of chance to practice before you send out the final product."

He pulled out a sheaf of papers and dropped it onto the table. "Writing back to stupid people!" he said triumphantly. "In this exercise you need to reply to these obviously deranged letters in a polite way without asking if they've thought to seek professional help for their delusions. There are five different letters so pair up with a partner -- it's better to double check your language against someone else, at least at the beginning -- and write back to these completely insane people."

Josh grinned. "Questions? Problems? I don't really care, but ask anyway."

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He smirked, "That it is. Johnny Storm," he reached over to shake the guys hand.

"Ronan Nolan," Ronan replied, shaking Johnny's hand. "Any idea where to start with this?"

"Pleasure to meet you, Ronan," he said, looking back down at the letter. "Well, seems to me this might be pretty easy if we think about it. Take the first line - what attracts women of all ages?" He grinned. "Hot guys of course."

Ronan nodded. "Some guys just don't need the help." He considered the letter. "For those who do... there must be better ways than something like this, even assuming that they'd have any approximation of working." He pulled out a piece of paper and started writing:

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution.

Johnny leaned over, reading as Ronan wrote. "Ultra Allure phermones?" Johnny wasn't the smartest guy on the block, at least in certain subjects, and it was obvious he was impressed with Ronan's resourcefullness.

"And the next? Hey, are we each supposed to write our own letters? Because I'm liking the way your going here."

Ronan thought back to the original lecture. "He... didn't actually say? I think we just write the one." He looked at the letter they were replying to. "Hm. Perhaps we could discuss how... improving oneself better increases one's attractiveness to women? In terms of, say, personal appearance and self-confidence."

"That'll work." He responded, but then he frowned, "Let's take us for example and apply it to the letter. You tell me what I could do to improve my personal appearance, and I'll tell you. Therefore our letter is based on facts. What do you think?"

Ronan smirked. "I... don't think you have much to worry about. You keep yourself up pretty well. I'm talking more about the kind of guys who don't know how to dress well, or can't keep up proper hygiene." He grinned. "I'm certain you're familiar with the type."

Ben popped into his head. But then Ben was a rock. "Hmm, I think I could think of a couple people that could benefit from a shower upon occassion." He grinned. "And thanks Ronan, you keep up yourself pretty well too."

"Thank you." Ronan looked at what he'd written so far, and then started writing again.

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution. Often, a better solution when attempting to attract one's desired gender is self-improvement; the average man with this difficulty has a tendency to be one of three things:

1) poor at personal hygiene;
2) obnoxious, rude, and/or selfish
3) ridiculously low in self-confidence

He passed the page to Johnny. "Thoughts?"

Taking it in hand, he read over it, "Perfect. But you know? I get two and three but one? Dude, how can someone just ignore the fact that they stink?"

"It's not just about a lack of showering. It's... general upkeep. Decent haircuts, proper skin care..." Mind you, when you could quite literally talk a pimple out of forming before it even became noticeable, proper skin care became quite a lot easier. "And, yes, some people have less than attractive odours. Not everyone can tell this about themselves, though."

Johnny was just nodding. Actually? He never gave much thought to how he took care of himself. He did what he did and that was it. He knew he looked good. Knew he smelled good; he worked out and his body was in great shape. A ritual after time became one with who he was and what he did.

"Let me ask you something, Ronan, do you help these sort of people out?"

"Never really gave them much thought. I've been busy lately saving the universe. Which doesn't seem all that uncommon around here." He shrugged. "I just notice things, is all."

That was interesting, "Where are you from?"

"Ireland. County Wicklow. I'm getting the impression, however, that it's a very, very different Earth than this one." He shrugged. "Which, again, seems to be rather common here."

He turned back to the paper. "Okay, so, we've underlined the three major problems. Pheromones of the variety they're advertising could, theoretically, work to prevent those issues from repulsing a woman. It seems to me, though, that it would be better just to work through the issues rather than around them."

Johnny knew Ireland. On a map that is. How did someone from Ireland save the universe? Unless Ronan was speaking metaphorically in which case Johnny wouldn't ask. Didn't want to appear stupid now did he?

"Working around them probably wouldn't do anyone a whole lot of good. Attacking the issue at hand, is best. I believe."

"Exactly. So..." Ronan took the paper and started writing again.

Dear sir or madam,

We are writing in response to your letter regarding the product Ultra Allure pheromones. While we appreciate that some guys have difficulty attracting women, we do not feel that your product is the best solution. Often, a better solution when attempting to attract one's desired gender is self-improvement; the average man with this difficulty has a tendency to be one of three things:

1) poor at personal hygiene;
2) obnoxious, rude, and/or selfish
3) ridiculously low in self-confidence

While your product, should it work as advertised, would appear to work around any such issues that might plague a given man, it is our belief that the best solution would be for the man to mature in such a way that he was able to take better care of himself physically, offer a certain degree of empathy and understanding to the women in question, and think of himself as someone who is capable of succeeding. As such, we feel that your product is distinctly unnecessary.

Ronan paused for a moment, and then added:

Also, your promises that your product, first, is proven work, and secondly, is used by millions of men, are unsubstantiated. If you expect us to believe them, we require that you offer proof of these facts: peer-reviewed studies, demographic information, etc.

Thank you. We hope to receive a swift reply.

He handed the letter to Johnny. "I think it's finished."

After Johnny finished reading, he handed it back to Ronan, looking a little more than awed. "I'm totally impressed." Cause there was no way he could come up with something so well written. Nope. He probably wouldn't have even tried either.

"Thanks. I've had a lot of practice being precise with my words." He shrugged. "Wizardry's all about precision of language."

"Wizardry?" So Ronan was all about magic, eh? "You practice your craft often?" What? Johnny had no idea how these magic people worked. And he was interested. If he could see a little demo every now and then, that was way cool with him.

Ronan nodded. "Often enough. There are a lot of day-to-day applications for it, when you're not being asked to jump around the universe at risk of life and limb."

Johnny could understand that, to a degree. "I get you on that, the saving the universe and all. Course," he admitted, "my universe is scaled way down to have only included New York, but I'm betting that will change over the course of time."

"Probably," Ronan said. "Do you have abilities of some kind? I guess... the better you are at something, the more the universe calls you to do it on an increasingly larger scale."

He grinned and snapped his fingers, producing a small fire ball in his hand, "I like to play with fire." His eyes met Ronan's. "So to speak."

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