fandomhigh | School Assembly, Friday afternoon, The Auditorium

Before the assembly, The Tick used the same mysterious process that chooses students for the detention lottery for another purpose.

He had written a play. Destiny told him that all the world was a stage and he was but a player, meaning that he was playing the part of someone that got people to play parts that he created. It was very meta.

Anyway, the curtains opened to start the assembly. It was time for The Tick's first play: A Time for Bagpipes.

[OOC: Cast, please handwave getting roped into this as a result of the announcements this morning. It may be a good idea to look at the plottery post to see what I told different people just so you can be better prepared.

Again, I'm very sorry about the last minuteness and the general WTFery of this. Feel free to go nuts, though. This is a play by The Tick that you had at best a couple hours to look over. Things need not make sense have fun. And thank you for volunteering and attempting to make this work!

Oh, and people in the later acts, don't feel obliged to wait for people in earlier acts. Jump in whenever.]

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When the time came for Peter's cue - or maybe he just got shoved out on stage again - Peter showed up, broken bagpipes in hand.

"Hey, it's my best friend, farmer John." Peter then stuck his thumb out to indicate something he'd passed on the way in. "Was that your cow porn magazine out there by the mailbox?"

"Diego, someone who is not a member of my family!" Farmer John waved. "It was either mine or my 5th youngest son's. We both have a cow...thing."

"That would explain the pictures of veal," Peter replied. He held his hand out for a manly shake. "How's it going? I've missed you since I saw you last. Which was... I dunno. Christening for kid number #16?"

"My wife is still a shrew, one of my daughter's is in love with a musical instrument and I can't get no satisfaction!"

"That's awful! Have you tried sometimes to find if you get what you need?" Peter asked.

"What he needs is a smack upside the head!" Katara snapped, eyeing Diego and wondering what they were going to break this time. She glared at John. "And if you can't get satisfaction, why do we have sixteen children that we can't feed?"

"Because you won't give them any milk!" John shouted.

"The kids should have milk," Peter told Katara. "Vitamin C too. Otherwise they'll get brittle bones and scurvey."

"How many children have you raised, Diego? How many children have you raised with a man who can't manage to farm more than an acre and considers his cow his best friend?" Katara asked. "Maybe you should raise sixteen and then tell me how to raise mine."

"I'm trying!" Peter said. "But I need to find Serendipity! Plus I gotta get this bagpipe repaired. If you want to know how that's related, ask a troll."

"Bagpipes?" John frowned at Diego. "How do you know of bagpipes?"

"Scottish guy was having a garage sale," Peter said. "Only this insane troll broke mine."

The farmer's daughter ~~finally remembered to pick up her cue~~ heard the magic word and came clomping over. "You own a set of broken bagpipes? You are fortunate, for I am a bagpipe repair person!"

Peter gasped in shock. "No way!"

"Way!" She waved the shovel happily. "I was just about to open the ground for the bagpipe spirits when my family ~~went insane~~ intervened. I could fix them for you, if you pay me."

"You'd make your Uncle Diego pay?" Peter asked, trying to look charming.

"I have fifteen brothers and sisters, my mother used to eat hot dogs for a living, and my father has a milk addiction and lives for cow porn," Dawn reminded him, "so it's either pay me or get me out of here."

Peter thought about it. He leaned in to whisper - loud enough for the audience to hear, of course - "Can you hide under a blanket?"

"Of course," Dawn loudly whispered back, then straightened and raised her voice, "but I must fix your bagpipes first. For Justice!"

And Tick's authorship made itself known.

"And love!" Peter added.

John, who was just dumb sometimes, knew when the wool was being pulled over his eyes.

"Diego, my friend, should you attempt anything with my daughter, I'll...get you pregnant!"

"I'm not in love with your daughter!" Peter hastily told him. "I'm in love with Serendipity! Even if she is a stripper!"

"Are you saying my daughter is ugly?" John said warningly.

"Only underage!" Peter assured him.

[ooc: *vanishes until later tonight*]

"I'm old enough to repair your bagpipes!" Dawn argued.

Re: Act III [Cast]

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